to expect mum at playground to entertain her own child?

[Liketochat1]

In the playground this morning I spent a hot half hour pushing someone else's child round the roundabout and entertaining him with a game of 'train driver'. Now, my dd was there too playing on the roundabout with him and joining in the game, but AIBU to expect the mum/nanny to stop sunbathing/texting and help or acknowledge me (or more importantly the child)?
Am I just grumpy because I'm hot and tired or do I have a point?

This exact thing happened to us this past weekend. A few children were on the roundabout, our dd joined in, and the dad of two of the children on the roundabout started pushing them round. Me and DH were standing very nearby watching (to make sure our dd was ok, and that she didn't get in the way.... we were not texting, or snogging or anything except watching with care). We didn't interfere because why would we? What were we supposed to do - accost the other dad and say "Excuse me but it's our turn to push now?" or what? There were, as I said, two of his children on there.

Anyway - after about 5 minutes, he straightened up and said very pointedly to his own children "Come on, time to go, someone else can push for a while now". Then he marched over to his wife and I only caught the first half of what he said, but it started with "Some parents.... ".

If he'd just turned to us and smiled and said "How about you have a go now" it would have been fine. We were right there, ready and willing. We just didn't want to interfere, but were in no way being slackers.

We were horrified.

Tbh OP YABU because you chose to play with the child and now your complaining about it. You did not have to play you could of laid there and topped your tan up to

Who can blame a small child for wanting to join in the fun? You are kinder than I am * liketochat1'. I think it may be a toddler/singleton issue.

My Dh has just come home early from work and intends to take our DS to the playground. Hopefully the children will all play by themselves, under the watchful but probably distant eye of their parents.

restassured he sounds like an arse. You can say what you mean without being mean (or passive aggressive). I wouldn't have minded your LO climbing aboard but may have moved on after a hot 5 mins (without making comments or being annoyed).

I did once temporarily swap children with another mum in the playground.

She was busy texting when her son asked me for help, he was halfway up a big climbing frame and trying to step over and slide down a fireman's pole type thing. However his legs were short and he needed someone guide his feet over. That someone somehow became me.

Fine the first time, not so much fun all the other times that followed it. While her son was standing on me, my son had spotted her and demanded help on the ladder.

She could hardly refuse so we spent a good fifteen minutes helping the swapped children do various things before we swapped them back again.

On the roundabout you were fair game. If you were pushing your child she could hardly join in an push hers could she? I suppose you could have taken turns to push them both but that's about the best you could expect, although it would have been nice for her to offer to take a turn or make a bit of conversation while you did it.

If her child was following you about then perhaps she should have asked if he was bothering you, but if she thought he had made a friend in your DD then perhaps she was leaving them to get on with it and wondering why you weren't. Maybe she thought he was helping to entertain your DD for you even, if your DD is still a little young to play without your help on most things.

My 2yo DD actually entertained the adults today She blew them all kisses while marching round the Random Rock Pile in the playground.

Yabu I'm afraid.

We recently went to a soft play with ds1 and 2 (4 & 2). Ds2 still needs some supervision, so I was in there with him. He naturally wanted to be with his brother, so we played hide and seek. Another little boy joined in which was fine. I didn't know who he was with until the end of the session when his dad came over.

I didn't expect his dad to crawl around like a nutter just because I was. I was really just supervising ds2, but played with his son as well since he wanted to join in. In a year or so I'll be leaving mine to their own devices too!

I agree re using the roundabout. I would just have moved my child if I didn't want to play, but 2 year olds still need supervision and I usually have enough on my plate watching my two without watching someone else's child as well. I guess it depends on whether the carer was actually watching or not, but if another toddler were to join mine on high equipment for example I would feel obliged to keep an eye on the random follower in the absence of a parent. And I certainly have on occasion felt that that has been taken advantage of.

kids follow each other round in the park and play with each other, its what they do, its generally a reasonably sized open space where you CAN let your child wander around and play AND keep an eye on them.

if you dont want other children playing nearby you stay at home in your garden, as far as i am aware a park is a public space for all.

i would get up and help mine if they needed help, and will also help other children ie if a mum is busy with a younger sibling etc, but on the whole i let them get on with it as long as they are not being rude, pushing etc.

I always have to help ds (2) in playgrounds. Sometimes other dcs come to join in - asking to be pushed on the swing, roundabout etc. I don't mind (although sometimes ds does and starts screaming!), but I think it is polite if the parent comes over and says hello or acknowledges that I'm helping out their child.

By the way, I should add that most parents do say hello etc!

YANBU, but as you will have seen, there's. a strong current of competitive benign-ish neglect that comes out on threads like this: 'I ignored mine for three hours solid the other day! Playing with them is what other kids and passing strangers are for!'

To be followed by 'you helicopter parent, I ignored mine for FOUR hours while they played in a skip!' etc

I've noticed that too eighties... There's almost some kind of competition over who can be the most relaxed, most hands off parent. Do you hand over one of your olympic golds to the winner or something?!

Oh ok.
I thought this was a fairly lighthearted sort of thread.
I can see its getting all snarky and frankly, being so slack, I cant be arsed.

Everyone who prefers not to feck about on play equipment with children who are perfectly happy on their own are just making it all up for affect?

Perhaps we dont see the need to be on top of our DCs all the time? Perhaps there are different ways of parenting? Perhaps it comes with twenty years of experience and five kids?

Or we are just showing off how lax we are. To people we dont know, have never met and never will.

yeah, that'd be it

am so negligent! take DS to the park and am delighted when he's off playing with other little ones rather than clinging to my trouser leg! What a terrible fun and friend filled little life he has!

i dont ignore them all the time, far from it, but if i take them to a park i will let them get on and play, they dont need me to play with them, infact i think its better for them to build up a sense of independence and get on and play tbh, they are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for.

i wont allow them to be rude or badly behaved, but i will allow to get on playing in what is a PLAYpark. i will tell them to share/take turns as necessary and keep a watchful eye on them, but they like to go off and explore and sometimes make friends. my ds2 inparticular is actually great at befriending little ones and will push random children on swings, roundabouts, be the first child to help a little one who has fallen over etc.

we do plenty of other activities where we play with them, the park is somewhere for them to run around and have fun with minimal input from me, tho if i feel like it we may play football or frisbee and i will push the little two on the swings (big ones dont need me to) on the whole tho i watch and give assistance when needed, even with 19mth old dd i dont follow her around the whole time, i stay near enough so i can help/interven if needed, but she has 4 older brothers to watch and copy and they will also help her if need be, she often doesnt want my interference she wants to do stuff on her own.

the child was on a roundabout with another child, hte op chose to push and she chose to play trains with them, they woudl probably have been equally as happy pottering around playing trains themselves, and as i said if you or your child wants to play alone, then the park isnt the place to be.

(adds slack parent to my collection of parenting awards, along with sick and wierd for co-sleeping/extend bfeeding, letting ds3 where a dress and allowing ds1 to watch me have his sister) oh the awards i have gained from mnet

THAT is neglect Kim

My DS lives in a busy urban environment so has to be in arms reach most of the time as it's all busy roads and crowds, the play park is a place where he can have some independance and run around without having to hold my hand, he knows this and loves being able to bolt from my side once we're safely within the gates. I have to breath down his neck often enough, wouldn't be fair for me to do so in one of his safe spaces like the play park or soft play (I do watch so I can comfort if hurt or discipline if necessary)

Ohdoadmit- it is quite light hearted. I 'was' joking about the medals thing of course...

MMy ds is approaching 3 and is increasingly independent, in a couple of months I am expecting that all but the highest things he will do by himself. Usually dd1 plays with him or dd2, but often he just likes to wonder around playing on things himself. I sometimes play with him, sometimes he doesn't want me. If he got onto a roundabout and another parent was pushing I wouldn't rush up to take over, just as I would think someone a bit strange if they insisted on pushing when I was already pushing.

When you then got off and were playing trains did you expect the mother to come and collect tickets? If you want to shake of a child then go to the swings, then they can't join in without some innteraction with their mother. I can see why you might be annoyed but it was your choice.

i quite like my mnet medals

i don't have a child old enough to play at the playpark but i imagine it as a good time for them to learn some independence and to amuse themselves a bit. where i live they can't play outside (flat on a city road) so the park is for 'independent play' imo. otherwise the poor child will never get the chance.

I am going to go against my guttural instinct to disagree with OP just because its AIBU and say actually I think I wouldn't let my 3 yo follow another family round a park for a protracted period of time

My hunch is though, that she probably didn't want to talk to you. I feel like that sometimes, just want to sit quietly and not make cheerful child orientated small talk with strangers. That's the problem with toddlers, they are so bloody sociable