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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Insensitive hospitals

66 replies

Geekster · 24/07/2012 14:26

After having miscarriages we were refered to the local hospital to see a gynaecologist were was the waiting area? In the same place as all the pregnant women waiting for their scans. Insensitive or what. Also the consultant doing my ERCP on Christmas eve saying you've had a miscarriage oh dear. He nearly got punched! And the terminology a missed miscarriage called a missed abortion horrible. There rant over.

OP posts:
IShallWearMidnight · 24/07/2012 14:33

I complained at my local hospital years ago about having to wait with all the "bumps" to check that my miscarriage was complete, and they changed their waiting areas very soon after that. Speak to the staff (someone as senior as possible) and ask that they look at their waiting areas.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 24/07/2012 14:41

I totally agree! At my local hospital I was forced to have my scan ( had gone in with very heavy bleeding thought I'd lost the baby) I. The same waiting room as the rest. So there's me ina wheel chair holding my drip in a hospital gown looking and feeling like shite sat with all the other bumps and expectant fathers with all the baby ads in the screen :( also felt so sorry for another girl wheeled in on a bed in her jammies it's a horrible horrible way to do it!!!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 24/07/2012 14:51

This is a common complaint. Wasn't there a MN campaign about the waiting room situation, or am I remembering things that never happened?

So sorry you have had to deal with this Geekster.

bejeezus · 24/07/2012 15:01

a friend of mine got put on a maternity ward, to recover from her hysterectomoy (30yo, no kids Sad)

KaFayOLay · 24/07/2012 15:55

If you have a still birth, you still end up in the maternity ward, albeit a private room but one door isn't going to stop you hearing all the new born screaming Sad

lovebunny · 24/07/2012 15:57

this has been going on for years. i don't know why they don't do it differently. probably someone who works on maternity can tell us. its probably technical, to do with the expertise needed for care; but it does seem particularly heartless.

WelshMaenad · 24/07/2012 15:58

When I was being scanned to check my second miscarriage was 'complete', they tagged me on the end of the specialist high dependency antenatal clinic. I got to share a waiting room with twelve drug addicts/alcoholics and their nice healthy bumps. Absolute joy. Not sure what midtwat thought that was a good idea.

TroubleIsBrewing · 24/07/2012 15:59

My DD was 10 weeks early and in NNICU, I was on a ward with 5 newborn babies and mums. Icing on the cake was the Bounty woman gettin to my bed, saying "oh you don't have a baby!" and walking away. Sad

ENormaSnob · 24/07/2012 16:02

What's a midtwat welsh? Hmm

WelshMaenad · 24/07/2012 16:04

One of those bossy twatty midwives, they usually run antenatal clinics. Separate creature from midangels who deliver babies joyfully, provide good antenatal support and dispense tea and tissues. There's about a 1:2 midtwat to midangel ratio at my hospital, it may differ in your LHB.

Hopeforever · 24/07/2012 16:05

So sorry that this is still happening. To give you hope and ammunition to fight your hospitals with I'll say what happens at the Rosie in Cambridge

The EPU does all the early scans, it is no regular scans, so everybody there is concerned. After your scan, if it's bad news you go into a cubicle or side room to talk to the Drs

The surgical management of a MMC is in the gyne day ward but they were lovely. can't remember about the waiting room of the Recuurent MC clinic though

catsmother · 24/07/2012 16:08

Yes ... have experienced this too, having had 4 miscarriages. With my last, which finally happened last week, I'd been told pregnancy hadn't developed at 1st scan, had to come back 2 weeks later for another - i.e. knowing that it almost certainly wasn't going to be good news - and had to sit amongst loads of heavily pregnant women - plus all the baby related posters on the wall etc. Also had the indignity and upset of being passed from pillar to post as 2nd scan had been "booked" by doctor, except that this hadn't been filtered down to reception in a way which was immediately obvious - apparently - so had to explain my circumstances twice over at different desks while queue of obviously (happy) pregnant people stood behind me in close proximity, listening ... as I was trying to keep it together. Then .... having finally been scanned, had to go back to waiting room again to wait for nurse advisor person, and after speaking to her, back yet again while she spoke to consultant about how I wanted to manage things. The whole waiting-in-out-back again took 2 hours! In those kind of circumstances, you just want to get all the necessary stuff over and done with - you don't want to have to keep going back to the waiting room to see new pregnant women walking in the whole time. Not that that's their fault obviously - but surely in large hospitals there could be somewhere else people who've had distressing news could sit in relative privacy, especially as you're likely to be a bit sniffy/upset ?

hawthers · 24/07/2012 16:08

Utterly agree. Similar experiences as above (antenatal appt when knew DS1 would be prem and might not make it at same time as post dates clinic) but icing on the cake for me was to have a counselling appt in the room opposite the scan room where DS1's issues were diagnosed where I'd been scanned over 20 times over 9 weeks to check he was still alive, with the same waiting area, and when I got into the sodding room it was directly below the cot he had in nicu for 4 months and where he nearly died several times. Counsellor couldn't understand why I spent the entire hour sobbing Hmm

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 24/07/2012 16:09

It does sound grossly insensitive, but I'm sure someone High Up who makes all the decisions will say it's down to space, equipment and staff being in one area.
And in one waiting room they can keep an eye on everyone.
(That's how they'd explain it)

On a different note, I was in the waiting room of the Registry Office (pre-booked time) to register my PFB. With a couple who were registering the birth and death of their baby son.Sad. They did have a wistful coo over DS but I thought it a very painful situation for them to be put in..
Loads of people register births.And deaths. But surely they could've arranged that a baby newborn death certficate didn't have to signed at the same time as a birth certificate.

catsmother · 24/07/2012 16:12

Hope .... what I've just described took place at the Rosie! Within the last month.

I have to say that the radiographer, nurse, doctor were all very nice and sympathetic to me, but all my waiting about at 1st and 2nd scans were in areas with lots of obviously pregnant women. 1st scan not sure where I was, 2nd scan was on a ward.

scrablet · 24/07/2012 16:12

When I was on labour ward was a lady near to me who had a fear of pregnancy, and was terrified of her 5 mth bump. So they put her on a ward with 5 others and their babies...

Losingitall · 24/07/2012 16:15

Yes! I had a very rare type if ectopic- in my cervix. I was booked in for a termination but miscarried. I was in the lift during my stay and a Doc and nurse came in. The Doc said " are you the lady on ward 3 with the cervical ectopic"
Taken aback I just nodded

He then said " you'll find yourself written up in text books in years to come "

Angry
Evasmum12 · 24/07/2012 16:17

It's an awful situation! I had dd at 28 weeks after being told they couldn't find her heartbeat and had to wait half an hour for a scan in a room full of glowing women clutching scan pictures.. horrible.

Luckily I was put in a side room after my c-section, so I didn't have to deal with the new mother and babies while dd was in scbu.

But then the first time I saw dd in scbu (i was wheeled down about 8 hours later) a midwife was showing about 10 ready to pop pregnant women round all cooing at the oh-so-tiny babies, and staring at me in my bloodstained hospital gown. I was awful!!

P.s I think in some hospitals you can pay about £30 for a side room if there are any available.. don't quote me on that though!

nancerama · 24/07/2012 16:18

I feel for you, OP. What is really such a small thing can have such a huge impact when you're so physically and emotionally fragile.

A couple of years ago, I suffered cramping and bleeding and was sent to hospital. The sonographer attached to the EPU was off sick that day, so I was dispatched downstairs to the normal antenatal ultrasound. The witch on reception barked at me for turning up without an appointment. When I explained which ward I'd been sent from and why I was there, she tutted, rolled her eyes and said "we've told them we don't want any more like you". Up until that point I'd just about held it together, but because of her attitude, I collapsed howling on the floor. My DH complained to her superiors about her attitude, but we were made to feel like we were the ones to blame.

To this day I'm furious I didn't make a formal complaint.

Be strong OP. I promise it gets better.

Ratata · 24/07/2012 16:18

So sorry for your losses Sad

There is a separate area at our hospital but you have to go through the main waiting area to get there. When I came out after my missed miscarriage scan I saw a heavily pregnant woman sitting outside smoking. Pissed me right off.

Evasmum12 · 24/07/2012 16:18

*it was awful

Bloody phone.

Evasmum12 · 24/07/2012 16:20

nancerama that is disgusting! If it wasn't too long ago you can still take it up with PALS, there should be a complaints office in your hospital somewhere.

minceorotherwise · 24/07/2012 16:26

They really should have got better at this by now, so sad to hear not
I had unexpected stillbirth at 41 weeks and was put in a private room on maternity ward. Midwife came in and said ,'it wasn't my fault, and sign this to say so ' .....
Went back after receiving a letter to say sorry for my 'pregnancy loss' (my daughter was 8lb 3 oz)
To be asked to wait in a roomful of pregnant ladies and babies for the consultant to see me
This was 8 yrs ago and I'd hoped things might have improved

monkeybutt · 24/07/2012 16:31

I agree, formal complaint all the way. How else will they know what's wrong and how to fix it? I logged a FC last week after being told by a D is A&E that my MC was "just a period". Was sent home with no advice, information or reassurance. Bastards.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 24/07/2012 16:35

What hospital was that catsmother I had very similar as I was sent thru from a&e several times when I went in with bleeding and although I was told that the wing where all the scans were carried out had been told I was coming they still appeared to have no idea who I was ir why I was there and had to keep repeating to them what had happened and y etc and then told to go wait in the waiting room with the pregnant mums.

When I showed up at maternity wing the first time the bleeding started when I thought I was loosing the baby and I was told by receptionist to go to a&e no sympathy no offer of help nothing just "u need to go to a&e" :(