Insensitive hospitals

[Geekster]

After having miscarriages we were refered to the local hospital to see a gynaecologist were was the waiting area? In the same place as all the pregnant women waiting for their scans. Insensitive or what. Also the consultant doing my ERCP on Christmas eve saying you've had a miscarriage oh dear. He nearly got punched! And the terminology a missed miscarriage called a missed abortion horrible. There rant over.

When I had my second MC I had to share a room with a lady in early labour. She wasn't happy about it either.

its to do with gynae nurses and doctors being in this area. I think in an NHS suffering such huge cuts, that money should be spent on necessities rather than opening up new wards for this alone, although it certainly isnt ideal

One of the things that sticks in my mind surrounding the loss of my son is sitting in the waiting room: me and DH and another woman an her partner.

Both with similar sized bumps and both anxious. DH and I knew it would be bad news, we'd had a scan which warned of a serious problem but we were holding it together. The other woman appeared happy so I assume all was well.

After receiving the expected bad news we returned to the room, tears streaming down my face and I saw all the horror and fear I was feeling reflected back at me in that woman's face.

In amongst my grief I felt so sad that my pain added to her fear.

It's such a difficult thing.

I appreciate that staff trained in all gynae and obstetric issues will invariably have to deal with happy, "normal" patients as well as those suffering problems of various types and obviously they can't be in two places at once. Even when hospitals have made attempts to separate out, for example, the types of scan into different parts of the day, I also understand that clinics overrun, that there are emergencies and so on which can disrupt the best laid plans. However, so much which has been complained about here could be avoided with a bit of forethought and compassion. There is NO excuse whatsoever at all for the crass insensitive remarks many posters have written about, and even worse, when these have been drawn to the attention of the idiot making them, there is NO excuse for not receiving an apology at the very least. It's basic patient care, surely, to be sympathetic, compassionate, professional and tactful. In regard to separate waiting areas, many of the ones I've used could feasibly be divided - if only by a temporary screen - so at least women in distress could retain some privacy, dignity etc and not be further upset by happy pregnant patients .... and of course, despite our problems, none of us would wish to inflict our upset on other women who should be free to enjoy what's a happy time for them and not made to feel embarrassed either. There could also be more attempts made at dividing up differnt types of appointment by timetabling, barring emergencies, so distinct groups were less likely to come across each other. I'm not so sure what could be done about wards though, if the space simply isn't available. Maybe some acknowledgement at least, and an apology to the women concerned, as soon as they're admitted to a ward, that they have had to be placed in a very difficult environment, that they wish things could be different, that they will be moved as soon as possible (if this is an option) might go some little way and make people feel that they weren't just being "dumped" without any care or consideration for their feelings ?

I've had 6 miscarriages and was devastated to see them noted as Abortions in my hospital notes. It may not seem like a big deal - just a word - but "abortion" implied that I had deliberately got rid of my babies and did not want them. Deep down, I know them all; I have named them.

Even that pales into insignificance with my SIL's experience. Her baby was stillborn. She was discharged at the same time as a happy couple with their new baby. She had to travel down in the lift with them all, complete with flowers and balloons

Many problems are unexpected though so can't be timetabled, DS2 was discovered to have died at a routine(ish) scan.
The staff took me into an office rather than back into the waiting room.

'midtwat' lols. im yet to meet one yet... but now i know they exist il be watchin out for them.

Sorry that was a typo - meant to be "tales"

I think what I was trying to say (not very clearly when I re-read my post ) was that more often that not people are not malicious although they can be insensitive and of course those who have suffered a loss of any sort are sensitive to those insensitivities.

Yes tainth it's horrible terminology that a miscarriage is called an abortion. I've nothing against people who want abortions but to call a much wanted pregnancy an abortion is wrong, they should change the terminology. I hope you are okay miscarriages are horrible.

My hospital are good, the keep the Epu and maternity are separate. But after my second Mc I was placed on a ward next to a lady who had just had an abortion, while I was laid up on 22 tablets a day and bleeding dangerously.

I hate our local epu method.

You have to wait in a small waiting room, get called into the scan room and once they have delivered the news you have to sit back into the waiting room to wait for a nurses office to become available to discuss the results. It means you get to see other women come out with more positive results and listen to their joy whilst trying to hold it together, it was horrible.

When I was on ward I was opposite a lady who had come in due to pain after a termination. A situation that was not fair to either of us. After the doctor had spoken to me I heard him go into her and treat her with disdain and pretty much implied she didn't deserve to be there when there was someone like me in. I felt like hugging her when I saw afterwards she was only young and seemed so lost :(

At a routine growth scan at 34 wks for our twins we were told "one of your babies is dead" . Just like that. DP shouted you what, and the sonographer suddenly got v apologetic. I had a cs the next morning and our surviving son was taken straight to Scbu and I was left on the ward in a private room next to a woman who had given birth to twins and surrounded by other happy mums and crying newborns. And they wondered why I wouldn't go to the day room for meals

some of these stories are so sad

we have had mixed experiences - when waiting for scans/amnios etc in a problem pg and waiting for "counselling" about our babies dx, we were shown through the back way not through the main waiting room of bumps and smiles. good.

when we then made the very hard decision to terminate at 4.5 months (very rare chromosone disorder) we had a private room albeit on the maternity ward, which was more homely than a hospital room, and had a double bed so DH could stay. he came back from visiting the other dc at home, to see the MWs had hung a cardboard teddybear with tears on its face on the door, as a sign to those coming by /into my room to be considerate. good.

but the mw who was there when we delivered said "congratulations" as she handed me the baby - i am sure I saw a sudden look of horror on her face which must have matched mine and she quickly countered it with " i know thats an odd thing to say, but i mean you have coped so well, and your baby is so beautiful" - digging herself a bigger hole! - not so good I bet she went outside and told the other MWs you'll never guess what i just did. I know she was acting instinctively, but a little more thought would have been good.

This happened to me after having a double ectopic pregnancy during my first pregnancy (2 babies one in the womb one in the tube- both miscarried)

I was placed in a room where people waited before they had their scans whilst waiting to see if I had lost both babies-They were almost 100% sure I had) but there was a young girl there complaining at reception that she didnt want her baby to be born around Christmas and what could they do about it.

All the while I was devestated to be losing my much wanted baby.

I had a miscarriage but the bleeding and pain didn't stop so they thought it might be incomplete so I had to have a scan to see what was what.

The sonographer scanned me and said: "I'm afraid it doesn't seem to be going very well?"

I didn't know what she meant. For half a second I thought miscarriage not going well = still pregnant, which of course is stupid I know but I was heartbroken and you clutch at straws don't you?

I said "Um, what's not going well?"

"Your pregnancy," she said.

Of course.

"Well YES, I've had a MISCARRIAGE" I said.

That was 20 years ago and I obviously still haven't quite got over that brief, ridiculous flare of hope!