Insensitive hospitals

[Geekster]

After having miscarriages we were refered to the local hospital to see a gynaecologist were was the waiting area? In the same place as all the pregnant women waiting for their scans. Insensitive or what. Also the consultant doing my ERCP on Christmas eve saying you've had a miscarriage oh dear. He nearly got punched! And the terminology a missed miscarriage called a missed abortion horrible. There rant over.

It's bloody horrible isn't it?

We went in for our booking in scan to learn we'd had a MMC. As the hospital is a new build they appear to have anticipated these situations and rather than walking past all the bumps waiting for scans, there was another exit we could use.

However the next week when I went in for medical management I still needed to wait for my scan in the same waiting room as a bunch of expectant mothers. So a slight improvement, but still far from perfect.

I was told by the consultant that the biggest of the several fibroids growing inside my uterus was 'what we'd term a 12 week foetus size'. I asked him if he thought a woman facing an emergency hysterectomy should the operation go wrong might find that an upsetting comparison - he said he'd never really thought about it. I asked him to think about it.

Fortunately, the operation went OK for me but the other two women in the ward with me ended up having to have hysterectomies; we all had to listen to the cries from the maternity unit next door. I couldn't wait to go home. The sadness was palpable.

Its horrible OP , just horrible.

I think mumsnet are doing a campaign about this kind of thing.

I had a threatened miscarriage, but was left in the main reception to bleed all over the floor like an animal , and my hospital has a huge bay window so of course everyone outside can see too.

How awful
When DS2 died in utero at 22 weeks I had the most sensitive care.
I was booked to be induced on the labour ward. When I gave my name they jumped into action, having obviously expected me, no stupid questions.
I was taken in through a different door and shown to what they called the family room which had phone for my use, a fridge, a kettle and a bed for DH as well as me.
I was treated really well, I'm sorry this isn't the case everywhere.

We were at a wedding when our miscarriage began. We got a taxi to St Andrews hospital from the venue. Upon arrival we explained to the receptionist that I was 9 weeks pregnant with bleeding and cramps. She told us to go home - it's not like we can do anything for that. I couldn't believe she was insensitive. We explained that we were far from home and as I was dripping blood on the floor we needed help. She sighed and said well I'll ask the doctor. He did see us and examined me then decided to refer us to Ninewells in Dundee to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I went to the toilet to get toilet roll to stop the blood dripping down my legs and my husband drove us to Dundee.

Ninewells were fab. We were given a private room on the gynae ward and I was provided with maternity towels. Got changed out the blood stained clothes.

I wish I had had the motivation to make a formal complaint.

I'm sorry op.I've been through this 4 times, albeit the last time they took me to a side room and made me leave the other way so I wouldn't see the healthy bumps on my way out after the scan.

I think they changed the emergency gynae clInic in our hospital now, so it's not in a busy part of thr hospital. The first time I had to go for a scan and was crying when I came out. The waiting area was massive and everyone could see I had had bad news. That was a horrible, horrible time in my life. My heart wrenches when I think about all my mc's and lost babies.

Hope you feel better soon.

Wheresmycaffiene - it was the Rosie, Addenbrookes, Cambridge. But have also experienced similar in the past at the Lister in Stevenage. Though I have to reiterate that most of the individual medical staff I've dealt with have been great, unlike the morons some other people have come across - it's just the practical arrangements for women with pregnancy problems which so often seem thoughtless and tactless.

Yeah, hospitals can be shit and insensitive. I've experienced lots of waiting with pregnant women whilst waiting to see gynaes etc about my fertility issues. And when I went for my scan on saturday to check for cysts etc, the lazy scanner couldn't be arsed to read my notes and asked after (!) the first scan why I was there, did I think I was pregnant (along with slight sneer). Despite the fact I'd told her it was my period and the scan was for subfertility.... Shite.

not of the same scale to some of the horrific examples above though.

My sister had a miscarriage at five months due to an incompetent cervix. She was left in the same bed during her hospital stay, staring at the stain her amniotic fluid had left on the curtains.
During her next pregnancy, she got a stitch sutured to try to prevent miscarriage. She woke up after the procedure in the very same bed where she had lost her first baby .

This was 20 years ago so I had hoped such insensitive things no longer happened. I'm so sad to realise I am wrong, and all of you who have suffered have my sympathy.

nellie02, that truely is a shocking story. I cannot imagine any Sonographer happy to perform a scan without first reading the notes...the request form and clinical history is a legal document. I am very shocked too that a Sonographer would enquire (with or without a sneer) about the possibility of pregnancy in such a way given the extremely sensitive nature of the job.

Not the same hospital then catsmother I had a SCH and was frequently scanned and on one occasion as it was a Sunday I was booked in to xray dept to have a scan. I remember asking the lady doing the scan if there was anything I could do to stop all this ( was constantly bleeding and loosing clots) and her response was "you could get rid of it" was soooo upset and angry that someone could be so blatant and abrupt whilst knowing nothing about me :(

well things are not going to change with all the cuts

but
mumsnet and everyone on this thread could start a charity to get wards and waiting rooms in every hospital

A few years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy resulting in surgery to remove a ruptured fallopian tube.

Woke up from the operation to find myself sharing a room with a heavily pregnant lady.

She kept the curtains closed most of the time. I spoke to her about 2 days later, she was too embarrassed to speak to me as she had overheard the doctors and nurses discussing the reason for my admission.

So not only was it insensitive to put me in the room for a week with a pregnant lady on bed rest, she felt awful for being pregnant in the same room as someone who had lost a pregnancy. I was also told the day after the op that I have other fertility issues so will need IVF.

Very insensitive!

I'm so sorry for al lyour losses :(

I found the IVF clinic we went to very insensertive. The room where I met with the nurse to talk about injections was full floor to cealing with newborn baby pics, I get that these might make some people feel hopeful but to me it felt like the photos were falling in on me mocking my empty womb.

Every time I went pre pregnancy I was allways in the waiting room with pregnant women and their adoring husbands, I was given the news that I had pcos and my IVF would be high risk/probably wouldn't work and had to walk through the waiting room sobbing by myself.

Then when I became pregnant (randomly the month we were due to start IVF) and went for my early scan i don't think the ivf dr beleived i was actually pregnant as my overies were so fucked with multiple cysts We shared the waiting room with a desperate looking woman in her 40's. MIL was with us at the scan didnt invite her she just told us she was coming she kept talking about it as a miracle and saying things like "i think it's because you are so young, you have time left to have as many kids as you want now things are working. If it had just been me and DP we would have sat quietly and spoken about the weather. When the scan showed a healthy heartbeat I was crying so much and just stood in the hallway not wanting to upset the other woman.

There must be a better way to deal with these sensitive situations.

I can't speak highly enough of the Rubislaw Ward at Aberdeen Maternity Hospital, which is a ward exclusively for pregnancy loss. All the rooms are single-occupancy. The room DS was stillborn in was pretty, with an extra bed for DH. The maternity chapel is right next door, and there's a separate entrance so that you don't have to go past the smoking mums at the main entrance. The midwives are all dedicated to pregnancy loss.

(The scanning area is shared, but they allocate the first and last appointments of the day for potentially sad scans, to minimise the number of happy pregnant women you see.)

However, I've heard that the powers that be are reconsidering whether its cost-effective to have a separate ward. Unbelievable.

(Midwives Harriet and Myra, Dr Smith and the doctor with the German name, the cleaner who recognised me from a previous miscarriage and cried and hugged me when she saw me back in, all of you -

Last year, I had a MMC, discovered at the 12 week scan. This was on the Friday. I was told to go home, think about whether to let nature take its course, or have an ERPC (but not given any information other than the unhelpful advice that the shock alone would 'probably' make me miscarry), and come back on the Monday morning. I came back as planned, waited 2 hours to be seen, it turned out that despite being booked in, I'd been overlooked on the list. Finally saw the midwife, who arranged for me to have an ERPC the following day. Me and DH decided to go in to town afterwards, mainly so that I could pick up some toiletries, magazines etc for the day of the surgery. While in town, I got a phone call from the midwife, saying that she'd forgotten to give me some blood test forms, and it was important that I had the blood test that day, and could I go back to the hospital immediately. When I got there, 20 minutes later, said midwife was nowhere to be seen (she'd actually left for the day), and the receptionist knew nothing about it. She told me to go and sit on a chair in the entrance to the ward (facing the lifts), and wait until she found someone who knew what was going on. I had to wait half an hour, watching women coming for scans and antenatal appointments, and as triage is on the same ward, one women was wheeled past me obviously in advanced labour. It was very distressing. I nearly ended up walking out, but a nice community midwife who'd popped on to the ward briefly walked past, saw that I was in tears, and took me to a room and did the blood test for me (even though it wasn't her job to do so). I was so relieved that the surgery was in day procedures, in a totally separate part of the hospital!

the hospital i work in has an epau area, antenatal unit main delivery unit with 2 operating theatres,a high risk ward with antenatal ward attached, then another ward that does midwife led care only. there is also a SANDS room which looks nothing like a hospital room.

I am sadden by some of the replys here how awful :(

Which hospital is that McHappy?

Where I live I have two NHS Trusts and three hospitals to choose from. I've had EPAU scans at all three and miscarriages at two. The hospital where I had just an EPAU scan wasn't brilliant but it was alright, no bumps in sight at least but lots of leaflets and posters about abortion (I'm pro-choice but it was hard to look at IYSWIM). The two hospitals where I had my two miscarriages got it so very, very wrong. I blogged about my experiences as part of the Mumsnet Miscarriage Care Campaign, there's a link to the campaign on the Campaigns page (you can reach it via the menu bar at the top of the screen). Be warned, the blogs posted as part of the campaign make very emotional reading.

I wish things could be better and complaints seem to be the main way to bring it to the attention of the hospitals involved but the sad truth of it is that most people aren't in the mindset for making a complaint after their experience.

He then said " you'll find yourself written up in text books in years to come "

He probably thought he was complementing you

The labour ward were wonderful given the constraints of being in the same place as women having normal pregnancies and healthy babies. The terrible bit was the somographer who, not having bothered to read my notes and being cross she was being asked to squeeze me in, asked me when the baby was due. I was about to be induced at 16.5 weeks once she had checked that there were indeed no waters left after a massive loss and a week waiting for labour to start on its own. I told her it was irrelevant now, but she insisted I repeat my EDD out loud, or how could she check me over. Once appraised of the situation by a very patient DH and heartbroken she didn't even apologise.

I agree. Its insensitivity bordering on cruelty in my opinion.
Sorry for your loss OP

My hospital has a waiting room for gynaecology which includes the pregnant, those TTC, those with problems and those with cancer-type issues. It's horribly insensitive and I've seen more than one woman unable to look at me or my children. :(

My scan lady otoh has it bang on. The day is divided into 20 week scans, vanity scans and then "termination' scans, so you won't come out with the "wrong" expression on your face.

This thread is so upsetting

The memory that brings back the most pain regarding my miscarriage is waiting in the waiting room for my scan, with all the happy pregnant people and an excited couple joking and 'hoping its not twins' And having to sit there again after, in floods of tears, to wait to see the nurse

I last had a MC 18 years ago. I would have hoped things had moved on since then, and am very sad to discover here that they haven't.

My first MC was 25 years ago, I had got pregnant while on the pill and the doctor said 'Well, you didn't want it anyway' and 'It was only a blob of cells'.

My second was better and I was treated with respect.

The third was a MMC and so horrific! I was scanned at the early pregnancy clinic, not so bad as we were all in the same boat there, earlt bleeding and scared to death.

On the ward though was horrible. Next to woman who had had an abortion. I wanted to stab her!!! (Just to make it clear, I am not against people who choose that path, but was in a bad way).