To feel sad that my DC will never call me mummy.

[honeytea]

I am pregnant and maybe slightly over emotional due to hormones with DC1. I am English but live in Sweden with my DP (he is Swedish) we intend to stay here as it's just such a lovely place to bring up kids.

We are planning on speaking both English and Swedish at home and sending the child to a Swedish nursery/school, possibly sending them to an international school as they get older, but from the beginning we want DC to feel "Swedish" as that is where our home is. Me and my DP have talked about what the baby should call us, we decided it will be best to use the Swedish "mamma" and "pappa" the reason for this is that all the kids books/TV shows will have a "mamma" in, also their little friends and teachers will talk about mamma so it could be confusing for DC to have a mummy not a mamma.

I can see the logic in using mamma, I also think it is really sweet how they never get to old to say mamma, my 35 year old DP calls him mum mamma still. A little bit of me feels really sad about never being someones mummy (I know there are bigger issues in the world)

Do you think it would be selfish to the child to insist on them calling me mummy when they will already be unusual because they have an english parent.

I am mama because we don't live in the UK and that is the term used around here. I think the striking thing is that you think you will choose what your kids call you (or that's what I thought at least). But despite DH and I both referring to me as 'mummy', mama has well and truly stuck. I quite like it now and worry that when we move again next year they won't use it anymore!

I totally understand and YANBU.

Interestingly (ish) - DS has always called me Mummy, except for a short phase where he tried to call me Mum and I refused to accept it (he's only 4.7, he can wait til he's at school to call me Mum!) - but then off his own bat he started to call me Mama as well - no idea why, nor really where it came from - but I let him because it was cute.

They have plenty of time to "go Swedish" - perhaps you could start them off with Mummy and they can change when they get to school or are older. It won't confuse them, I'm sure - it's nice to have a "pet" name for you parents, IME :)

what gladders said - your Dc will speak Swedish everywhere anyway, but if you want them to be bilingual, then you should speak to them in English only. Most researchers agree that the best way to bring up bilingual children is "one parent - one language", see here: suite101.com/article/one-person-one-language-a97808, meaning that you should always speak English to your child, while your DH speaks Swedish. And of course you should be called whatever you want to be called.

Yanbu kids adapt.

DD1 uses the Bengali versions for that side of the family (I am English in England).

So Daddy is Baba
Grandma is Daddi
Grandad is Dada
Uncle is Sasa
My best friend is Turkish and she calls her the Turkish version of aunt tasai (phonetic sp!)
DHs bf speaks Urdu so she calls him Chachu (uncle)

She totally understands still that when English people say "daddy" that means her baba not her grandma. It's all bloody confusing but she's not confused at all so go with mummy and DC will work it out!

I always wanted to be Mama. DS calls me Mummy, and my heart still melts just as much when he throws his arms around me and says "ello Mummy! "

It won't be confusing for them! Why would it? If you speak English and your dp Swedish then they will learn both languages, it won't confuse them at all to have more than one word for things.

I grew up speaking French and English. I call my mum Maman but when talking to friends I said "my mum" because that is what she is. My dcs call her and my dad Mamie and Papi but know that they are their grandparents.

I asked ds1 to call me mummy as with starting school this year he was starting to call me Mam (we are in the NE). He switches accent a lot, I love it but I wanted to stay mummy :)

"Mummy" is a very powerful lovely word. I am still "mummy" to my grown up sons and my mother is still "mummy" to me.

YANBU. But you can use loads of names. I'm mamma if they're talking to me, mum when they talk about me, ma, matri, mammy, everything.

A rose by any other name :)

There was another thread on this recently (someone who chose not to be called 'mummy') and I was by the posters who thought that she was out of line....like she was depriving her child by making it "different" from the other kids at school, etc etc....or that it was unreasonable to have a view on what your children called you.

OP, teach and encourage your child to call you mummy. That's what you want; it is perfectly reasonable; it is perfectly attainable; and it will do your child no harm whatsoever.

I am not English, and my DD (2) does not call me mummy. She calls me another word for mother. If she were to start calling me "mum" or "mummy", I would correct her.

My sister lives in America, but did not want her son to call her "mom". Her son uses the Swedish "mamma". WHen he started nursery, he did try using "mom" a few times; my sister gently corrected him, and only responded when he switched back to "mamma".

Children don't find it hard to switch terminology, so you could be mummy at home and mamma elsewhere. TBH though, the two words are so similar, I can't imagine you'll even notice half the time. Good luck!

If you want to be called Mummy then that is what you should be called.

I hesitate to admit this,

my eldest named me "mother darling", when he was about two, as he over heard someone jokingly call me that, he used it and it stuck,

All the others just copied, it's worked out quite well as we sometimes have children that aren't ours, so they use it and it doesn't confuse issues as they also have a mummy, I'm "mother darling" to quite a lot of children, they sort of roll it together, I tried to stop DS1, but once it stuck, there was no going back.

I think you should be mummy when speaking English and mamma when speaking Swedish.

I think you can decide whatever you like but the children will ignore your advice and use the names they choose. I am called Mummy, Mum, Mamma, - and they also do Daddy, Dad, Papa Bear, Poppy. Depends what age/stage/toy/movie they're up to...

You can't force them to use something that they don't want to. Mine started calling me Mum instead of Mummy about a year ago, and it's awful!

Another one from the north-east :) Dh and I are both English but we live abroad. Dd1 calls me Mamma or Mammy and Dd2 calls me Momma, Mamma or Mammy. Dh gets Daddy from both. The children here call their parents Mamma and Pappa.

The majority of the British children here do call their parents by the English titles, none of them have any problems understanding/being understood by their local friends. Children adapt very quickly.

Just choose whichever name you prefer, but don't be suprised if your dc starts calling you something else later on though.

they will be Brittish and Swedish living in Sweden let them call you mummy at home, I dont see why they should lose all their english culture

I am not English, my husband is, we live in England, my half English DC call me 'mummy'. I can't even get them to talk to me in my mother tongue (which is the language I employ to talk to them and they do speak just fine), never mind get them to call me 'mama'. I encourage them to use my native tongue but that's all I can do, encourage them. What seems very important now will take some perspective as your DC grow older and you build up a relationship with your DC that goes beyond what they call you. I know it seems important now, but it's not. What it is important is that you speak with them in English, always, so you're using the OPOL method, that they have strong links with your family and England (holidays, letters, skype, etc) and the rest will follow. Oh and YANBU anyway!

I too may miss out on "Mummy"

DS is 11 months old and already calls me "Mum"

Sadly I have had to pick my battles and have chosen instead to force teach him to kiss me waaaay more often that he wants to.

(only half joking )

Sweden, lucky you.
Anyway, re the Mama. My dds call me Mama,( because that is what I call my mother) but sometimes Mummy, and sometimes Mum, and occasionally Mam if they are speaking welsh. So your dc will probably find his or her own favourite, and may well call you Mama when with Swedish friends etc, and Mummy at home. Personally I like Mama, and I like it too that my Swedish friend calls his mother Mama (he is 48), but you can choose what you like and your child will no doubt switch between them. Don't worry, your baby will get all sorts of bits from both culteral heritages!

They'll end up calling you mummy because that's what you will automatically call yourself. Come to mummy, mummy loves you etc etc. Mine have all grown up in a german environment (both parents english) other people e.g. kindergarten staff may say xx mama is here, but dd will shriek mummy! It will just happen naturally. Don't worry.

You certainly can be mummy if you want! We live in England but our DS (5) is bilingual in English and Russian, the latter being DWs native tongue. DS calls her mama when he's talking to her in English or Russian, which is what she likes best, but when talking to me about her, he'll exclusively use 'mummy' as he knows I only speak English.

Bilingual kids are great - they work it all out in a way that suits them and it's fascinating to watch it develop as they grow up. Definitely stick to English while DP speaks Swedish, as others have already said. That's what we did.

I'm English living in France with a French DH.

I'm mummy, DH is papa (DS is only 10 months and not really speaking yet but this is how we refer to ourselves and to each other when talking to him).

I really want to be mummy, but the other day DS said his first word: he turned around, looked at me and said "mama". My heart melted

We're still going to stick with the mummy and papa though.

Another one echoing the above - you can be called what you like, so go for Mummy!

I am in Ireland and was never too keen on being Mammy, but when little my DD used mama - and instead of moving to Mammy as she got older, mama (which I loved) stuck. Now she's a teenager I'm Mum (or Muuuum! when I'm embarrassing her).

My DF was Gang-Gang till she was about 10 and he asked her to use Grandad instead - took her about a month to change - never any confusion.

My niece has a Grandad, a Nanna, and a Safta (Jewish). She also has 2 aunties with the same name (me and another who is 30 yrs older than me). At the age of 4 she stated "I have 2 aunty X's - but they don't have the same face". Kids are brilliant with names, you'll be fine.

It'll change anyway :)

DS called me "Mama" for the first while of him talking, but calls me "Mummy" now (how DH refers to me in front of him) - and then when he's bigger it'll be "Mum" because he'll think "Mummy" is babyish.... I already miss "Mama!" (it does sound lovely).

I have a lot of expat friends, and they often call their parents by a native-language nicknamey word that's not the one from the country they were raised. I call my mum "Mum" and I'm sure I called her "Mummy" too but I definitely called her Mutti for a while - it started as a joke then we all called her it for about 10 years! So, erm, go for what you want, your child won't be confused. He or She will probably refer to you as "Mamma" to their swedish friends but call you Mummy himself, and not have a moment of doubt about what's what!