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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is my neighbour

76 replies

biddysmama · 23/07/2012 11:06

ive got a paddling pool in my garden, theres a fence that her children climb over to get into my garden because its been fixed so the wood goes across, like a ladder, but my children cant get into her garden because its fixed on our side we have toys in ours, they dont,

apparently i should empty my paddling pool because her 2 year old could drown in it when its unattended

i think she shouldnt be leaving her 2 year old unattended, especially as we live on a very very busy road?

who is being unreasonable? (i have emptied it btw because i started to worry about her toddler drowning in it, just wondering about it now)

OP posts:

NameGames · 23/07/2012 12:56

Your neighbour is BVU, but you should still empty the paddling pool (as you have) because it's not your neighbour who might drown.

Raise the height of you fence, or, next time her kids come into your garden, take your whole family round to hers and have a BBQ.

Latara · 23/07/2012 12:58

You can borrow my Mum.

Local mini thugs boys were kicking their football onto my small patch of flowers outside my house. They'd already been asked to stop kicking the football at cars, so threw large stones instead.. & constantly used another (childless & very upset) neighbour's garden as a playground... not pleasant boys.

Mum saw them; leant out of the window & shouted ''Get. OUT!!!!''
Boys looked terrified - ''yes, miss, sorry miss''.. & never came back.
She's also 'dealt with' my stalker neighbour.

I'm not sure how does it - she's petite, blonde, very pretty, can make herself sound posh & looks quite sweet.
But she does.
You need to borrow her!

pictish · 23/07/2012 13:01

Ny the way - I wouldn't go steaming round there shouting the odds, despite what I'm saying.
I would be cool, calm, coldly polite and absolutely unmoveable.

"I am not willing to be responsible for your children, so I am blocking off the access to my garden."

Latara · 23/07/2012 13:02

PS. when i started running into other peoples' gardens aged 2 - my Mum bought reins.
That stopped me.

Suggest reins to your neighbour.
2 year olds should never be out of their mother's or guardian's sight.

I'm constantly shocked that people don't seem to care about their toddlers.

pictish · 23/07/2012 13:02

"Not that they should ever have in there in the first place."

5Foot5 · 23/07/2012 13:03

"I suggest a trellis & prickly roses / holly... just tell her it's protection against burglars "

These are good ideas but I wouldn't tell her it is protection against burglars I would tell her the truth - it is to stop her children climbing in to the garden uninvited and ask her what she plans to do about it to stop them.

SauvignonBlanche · 23/07/2012 13:05

YANBU, fix the fence!

pictish · 23/07/2012 13:05

This one has really rankled me...can you tell?

Hesterton · 23/07/2012 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kickingKcurlyC · 23/07/2012 13:23

What a stupid neighbour you have. A paddling pool is not the only way an unattended two year old can seriously hurt themselves.

If I were you I'd fix the fence ASAP.

olibeansmummy · 23/07/2012 13:27

YANBU and need to block your garden off straight away. It's not fair for you to have responsibility for her children. She sounds awful :(

Follyfoot · 23/07/2012 13:30

Electric fencing is the way to go...

That'll shut the woman up

oopslateagain · 23/07/2012 13:38

So you should empty your paddling pool as her toddler could drown. Does that mean you can't put down slug pellets as her toddler could eat them, can't leave an electric mower unattended while you answer the phone, can't leave a glass of wine on the table? Where does it stop?

It stops with the word no. No you will not make your garden toddler-proof as the toddler is not yours.

OTOH I would probably empty the pool if there was a possibility a toddler could drown. That's too harsh a lesson for anyone.

letseatgrandma · 23/07/2012 13:49

Whose fence is it?

VivaLeBeaver · 23/07/2012 13:54

I'd be out there digging a big fish pond.

AnneTwacky · 23/07/2012 13:58

Start charging an admission fee.

Seriously, I would just close the gap where her kids can get in your garden. You don't have to worry about your pool and her kiddies are safe. Everyone wins.

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2012 14:00

I think a lot of people are missing the point when they're saying the OP should go to the expense of buying a prickly bush, making the fence higher etc...

The OP does not have a problem with security and her kids escaping

Her neighbour however does so any fixing, planting or changing should be down to her...to keep her own kids contained in their garden.

AGiraffeUnderTheFloorBoards · 23/07/2012 14:02

Had a really similar situation about 3 weeks ago - which I handled badly and resulted in door slamming argument with my neighbour. Am amazed you've been so calm OP as I lost my cool after two visits.....

We live in row of terraced houses and the DCs (plus friends) of a neighbour about 6 houses down were playing on top of the outhouse (about 12 foot up) next door to our garden - and overlooks our garden. The boys are 6, 8 and 9ish and v. lively full on kids. They then climbed from there onto our very unsafe side trellis and wall and then climbed from there onto our back wall which is old crumbly and dangerous. My Dh told them not to and we thought that was that.

The next day we'd been out and came back to find them running along our back wall (one brick's width). If they'd fallen into our garden they'd have hit solid slate floor. The garden behind us is overgrown and full of junk so not a nice landing there either. So I told them firmly our garden wall was out of bounds and if they came back I'd be having words with their parents. 10 minutes later the mother of two of them comes round to check where her DCs were when I told them off because she wanted to be sure I had the "right to tell them off as they had permission from my neighbour to play on their wall". I told her she was nuts to allow her kids to play up there anyway -regardless of permission from other neighbour - and that I had my own DCs to keep an eye on and didn't need to worry about someone else's child injuring themselves in my garden. It didn't end well between us.... I was obviously incredulous and judgy that she thought a 9 foot outhouse was suitable play area for a 6 year old and even worse when she couldn't see what they were doing / where they were.

Anyway - long answer YANBU - and say something if you want - but I wish I'd been calmer and less mental in my ranting about it.....as nothing like pointing a parental "flaw" to damage relations with a neighbour.... even if you do have a valid point ........

Have totally outed myself now too..... feel a name change coming!

AGiraffeUnderTheFloorBoards · 23/07/2012 14:05

oops - the out house seems to have shrunk during that story - god knows how high it is - a 6foot man plus a small child on his shoulders height... I've just been to look !!

tryingtonotfeckup · 23/07/2012 14:06

Worral, yes it should be down to the neighbour, no one is disputing that, but if they aren't doing anything about it, it gets really annoying constantly telling children to get out. If you plant something prickly, rebuild the fence it will stop them.

We had a problem with older children coming into our garden, we went out and told them to get out, not come in without permission etc We're not pushovers either, so it stopped some, but not all. However the problem only went away when we rebuilt the wall. It gave us other benefits as well but no one has come in since. Oh yes and the really prickly hedge with hawthorn and holly in helped.

bobbledunk · 23/07/2012 14:08

Tell her to keep her children out of your garden and send them back if you catch them there uninvited.

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2012 14:10

She might not want a prickly bush in her garden though?

Having said that, I do think the OP needs to grow a backbone and tell the neighbour and her kids once and for all to stay out of her garden.

tryingtonotfeckup · 23/07/2012 14:13

Worral, true.

Giraffe, we have a similar outhouse, children used to play on top of it, it looked solid from the top but was just corrugated iron. A nightmare waiting to happen.

Your neighbour was out of order, seeing if you were in your rights to tell them off.... WTF, they were on your wall and playing dangerously.

KenLeeeeeee · 23/07/2012 14:13

WTAF??? Your neighbour lets her TWO YEAR OLD child wander freely into other people's gardens and then has the audacity to place demands upon those people to keep their gardens in a particular state to accomodate her wandering child? I think not!

Kudos to you, OP, for not going absolutely spare by now. YADNBU. Your neighbour is an inconsiderate arse.

WRT what to do, well you may have no real option other than to empty the pool. Arse though your neighbour may be, the little kid is the one at risk and the situation isn't really her fault.

Sallyingforth · 23/07/2012 14:17

letseatgrandma has asked the most significant point - who owns the fence?

If it's a council property then get the council to repair it.

If it's the neighbour's then put a note through the door to say that her children are at risk and she should repair her fence.

If it's yours (or you can't establish whose it is) then you should certainly protect yourself by putting up a stronger higher fence.

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