To think there is a lot of negativity towards DH/DPs on here?

[Convert]

Ok

Can I make it clear firstly that I don't mean towards partners that are abusive in any way or generally just bastards...it just seems like some posts are so negative towards DHs for simple little things that aren't nasty in anyway.

For example, there was a thread a little while ago that the OPs (sorry for using you OP) DH had asked, as she was doing the shopping online to order 'some naice things'

Most posts were idea's of things to get as treats but a fair few of them were along the lines of 'if the bastard wants something nice tell him to order his own fucking shopping'

I just can't see the problem, surely as a couple you do nice, thoughtful little things for each other and don't immediately think, no, FUCK YOU arsehole. My view of partnership is putting youself out for the other person and working as a team, not a me and you. My mom always told me that loving is doing, not saying.

Right, do your worst

So I shouldn't leave the bastard for getting me a mars bar instead if a crunchie?

Mumsnet lied to me!!!!

Agree.Some posts are like that late at night.Some, after some posters have poured themselves a large glass of wine!,and some have been very damaged by men in the past.

Depends on the poster answering and their experiences, what phase of the moon it is the OP decides to write, what the readers experiences are, how text comes across, where on MN the thread is etc etc etc.

I've seen more posts speaking up for the bloke than not.

Most of the posts are just answering that he's being a twat in that instance, that doesn't mean they're down on men, they just like sitting in judgement

A mars bar instead of a crunchie, shit no! Leave him this second!

Its coz they iz evil menz innit.

Do you know, I was think this myself only today.

I thinks its because people come on here to let off steam and maybe say stuff they wouldn't actually say in real life (?)

Are people just saying it to start an argument?

I think I've just dug the hole deeper......

I get that some people on here have been incredibly hurt and treated badly, it just seems a bit OTT sometimes.

No, no sparkles, you should leave him, that's unforgivable.

Trust your instincts.

Taggie love your NN

I wonder how we'd feel if the men posted about us in the same vein?

but I suppose the twats wouldn't be clever enough to have a decent opinion!

sorry [embarassed]

I don't think there is alot of negativity. People post here to have moan, so yes the dh/p takes a bashing.
Lots of posters tell the OPs they Abu as well. I have seen several posts saying 'leave the bastard for his sake.'

I haven't seen that thread or anything like that, what I have seen is jokey posts saying LTB for minor irritations, and threads where small things have been picked up on in the OP which might appear to be nothing but to an experienced eye are signs of abuse.

Maybe there are some unreasonable posters, but I don't see anything wrong with the situation you described - surely if they were planning to get them anyway it would be stupid not to put them on the shopping, especially if it's coming out of a shared budget.

Maybe you're right babes, they come here when they are pissed off and in that frame of mind.

As a single parent, I sometimes envy two parent families, but after reading some threads on here married/partnered life can sound horrific!

I think being a single parent must be incredibly tough. Some of the threads on here are terrible and some DH/DPs deserve every bit of flak they get, but if I mentioned that I iron my husbands shirt before he goes to work I would get shit for being a 'stepford/1950s wife'.

Iamsparkleyknickers A mars bar instead of a crunchie? The issue here isn't that he bought you the wrong thing, i mean that is an issue and for that he is an utter twat, but the real issue is that Mars bars contain more calories than crunchies he's clearly trying to make you fat so you can never leave him, what a bastard!!!

I know along the lines of.....

My oh wants to go to his oldest friends stag do instead of sitting home with me and the kids what should i do

Musnet... Leave the bastarted how very dare he

Lol

Wow, this isn't quite the flaming I was expecting

I know what you mean, sometimes there are threads where the OP is complaining about something very minor and you get the impression they are complaining about it because they are annoyed and need to vent - but it can occasionally become a thread where people just pick apart the OP/DH relationship and make the DH sound a lot worse than they probably are.

There was a thread a week or so ago from an OP who's DH wasn't helping them pack for a move (sorry to use you as an example if you're reading this, OP!), she then said he was a bit crap at housework generally, and one poster decreed from this that he was a "horrible man". It can get a bit nasty sometimes.

Oh, also, some of the things pointed out as red flags for abuse - I'm not sure, I think sometimes it is an overreaction, and could actually be quite damaging if the OP is having some wobbles about their relationship. (But of course on other occasions it is hugely valid that these flags are pointed out, and I don't mean to say there aren't a lot of women of MN who are incredibly helpful and supportive for those OPs who are in troubled and abusive relationships).

'Wow, this isn't quite the flaming I was expecting '

Are you a man Convert?

The direction of the thread can always take a change for the better worse if you own up...

Erm, last time I checked I was definitely not a man. will check again

I was just slightly worried when I started this, have seen how nasty AIBU can get!

YANBU.... check out the chicken thread .. perfect example really of reading the between the lines and deciding that he is a lazy selfish entitled bastard for being so bold as to end up working overtime while the raw chicken decayed in the fridge...

squeakytoy thats what started me off

Emotionally abusive, insensetive, hard working, chicken eating bastard!!