Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think there is a lot of negativity towards DH/DPs on here?

66 replies

Convert · 21/07/2012 20:36

Can I make it clear firstly that I don't mean towards partners that are abusive in any way or generally just bastards...it just seems like some posts are so negative towards DHs for simple little things that aren't nasty in anyway.

For example, there was a thread a little while ago that the OPs (sorry for using you OP) DH had asked, as she was doing the shopping online to order 'some naice things'

Most posts were idea's of things to get as treats but a fair few of them were along the lines of 'if the bastard wants something nice tell him to order his own fucking shopping'

I just can't see the problem, surely as a couple you do nice, thoughtful little things for each other and don't immediately think, no, FUCK YOU arsehole. My view of partnership is putting youself out for the other person and working as a team, not a me and you. My mom always told me that loving is doing, not saying.

Right, do your worst

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 21/07/2012 21:21

If the word cocklodger was used, would it apply to the chicken residing in the fridge or the husband... how would we know...

babesdontlie · 21/07/2012 21:23

smoggi

Last night I had a craving for an icecream.

Approx 9pm DH said 'if your going to McDs for an icecream, I'll have a burger'.

OMG I've just realised, that's controlling behaviour isn't it? should I leave the B.......

I won't really, because as husbands go. he's pretty perfect!!

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 21:24

Both! Leave the bastard and leave his fucking chicken rotting in the fridge!

OP posts:

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 21:25

babes that is a red flag. I'm sorry to tell you this but he is trying to control you and being EA. Grab whatever you can and run out of the house NOW!

OP posts:

Tiago · 21/07/2012 21:26

I think sometimes people have truly unreasonable expectations of DHs/DPs.

But I also think that the view we get is a bit skewed as it is rare for people to start threads about how amazing their DH is. They'd just get accused of boasting :) -smiles at DH who just brought me strawberries as I am too lazy to go to the kitchen and get them myself-

squeakytoy · 21/07/2012 21:29

It isnt the thread starters that are the problem though.. it is the "helpful" advice from people who seem to view men in general as second class people who can do no right.

"my husband worked a 15 hour shift tonight, what can I make him for dinner that is quick and easy as he is due home soon"

reply likely to be

"tell the fucking cunt to make his own dinner, how dare he come home and expect you to get up from the computer and cook for him"

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 21:30

Aww, bless him.
My DH loaded the dishwasher and mopped the kitchen floor this morning while I was in my jamas watching tv! Granted he NEVER loads the dishwasher but it's so much of a nice surprise when he does!

OP posts:

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 21:34

We were having breakfast this morning and my husband asked me to pass the jam....

Tell him to get up off his lazy arse and go to the shop to get his own fucking jam! While he's there he should buy you some flowers to show how sorry he is for ordering you around like that!!

OP posts:

babesdontlie · 21/07/2012 21:39

You're right !! I'm packing !! ( I will have to ask DH to get my cases out of the loft first - no way do I go in the loft, spiders and all that)

he 'let' me mow the lawn all by myself as well this afternoon (it took for ever after all the rain), that makes him a lazy so and so right? ( I know the words Mnetters use but I cant bring myself to say it)

All he's done today is, make my breakfast, go shopping with me, make my tea and make me cups of tea and sharpen the lawn edge cutter thingys, thats so not putting enough effort into our relationship is it!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 21/07/2012 21:40

I agree OP. While a lot of threads on here are written by women with abusive partners, many are written about quite trivial things. Even if the partner has a genuine problem or issue, there will always be a few who will say LTB.

My DP isnt perfect. But who is. If anyone should leave this relationship its him :o

Chubfuddler · 21/07/2012 21:41

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 21:50

He should bloody pack for you babes

Should I be concerned by the speadsheet talk? Am still fairly new to MN!

OP posts:

crazyday · 21/07/2012 21:59

You may joke but after some of the replies I got to a couple of things I posted in relationships I had to stop looking at mn for a while as I was seriously thinking of leaving dp over some what are hopefully quite surmountable problems...

So, IMHO, no you are dnbu.

babesdontlie · 21/07/2012 22:03

ooooh, you mean you don't know about the spreadsheets?...............................................

Lonelylou · 21/07/2012 22:10

"My DH loaded the dishwasher and mopped the kitchen floor this morning while I was in my jamas watching tv! Granted he NEVER loads the dishwasher but it's so much of a nice surprise when he does!"

Right Convert, he must have broken something or be thinking of having an afair. Leave him now!!!!

Chubfuddler · 21/07/2012 22:11

One persons surmountable problem is another's deal breaker. I couldn't put up with a lot of the shit mners seem prepared to tolerate. Horses for courses.

Lonelylou · 21/07/2012 22:16

Neigh Chubfuddler, me neither.

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 22:24

Oh, no. He must be having an affair, I can't believe I didn't realise! I rang him yesterday while he was at work and he didn't ring me back for 15 minutes either.

OP posts:

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 22:29

crazyday that's my point.I know that relationships aren't easy but if at every small bump you have 30 people telling you it's not worth trying to sort out it won't help. To stress again, I'm not talking about people with real problems that can't be overcome.

I'm sure when most posters come on here to vent they aren't exactly setting out the facts fairly or telling the whole backstory. I think MN can be an enormous help to people in abusive relationships but people pick apart the OP and find abuse where there isn't any.

OP posts:

Lonelylou · 21/07/2012 22:32

Convert - he was either trying to glue it back together or get it together with some slapper! Take care Babe

Original poster

Convert · 21/07/2012 22:34

Right I'm going to wait up til he get's home from work at midnight and demand to know what the fuck he's been up to!
That's if he even bothers coming home!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 21/07/2012 22:37

It isnt just partners and husbands either... the amount of animosity towards MIL's and also to a certain extent mothers is quite scary.

A poster could say that her MIL was driving her a bit mad by spoiling the kids too much, and very soon that MIL will be a toxic bitch who is trying to take control and has not learnt that she no longer has any rights over her son, or it will all be the husband's fault for not taking his mother to task, and we are back to the husband being blamed again!

Whilst there are genuinely nasty and abusive DP/DH's and some horrible MILs, it does seem that there are some posters who, no matter how trivial the issue is, will not be convinced that there must be some back story that the OP is not admitting to, and that the OP couldnt possibly be the one in the wrong... ever. To me, this is insulting to those posters, and also the ones who truly do have toxic people in their lives.

AgentZigzag · 21/07/2012 22:44

When you're posting about a barney you've had with your DH/DP/MIL though squeaky, you want people to over do it a bit, like when friends can be sympathetic and 'on your side' when you need it the most (although not too much so as they give away that they've never liked your DH and glad you've seen sense difficult to back down from I've learned )

I doubt it'd ever be a major contributing factor to anyone leaving their DP, there aren't that many people so invested in a forum that they'd do what they're told against their better judgement.

WorraLiberty · 21/07/2012 22:45

I agree

And the lack of empathy towards some men having a vasectomy and feeling scared/worried about it is sickening at times.

Especially when the ridiculous line "Well I had the pregnancies and births so it's his turn now" gets trotted out.

LeB0F · 21/07/2012 22:57

What do you find ridiculous about that, WorraLiberty?

Flip

1 2 3