AIBU to not want DH to spoon/fork-feed 3.5yo?

[MegBusset]

If we are out having a family meal and 3.5yo DS2 has stopped eating with some food left on his plate, DH sometimes grabs his fork and attempts to feed him some more, aeroplane-style. This drives me nuts as a) he is 3.5 fgs and b) he will then demand to be fed at home. (I am sahm so deal with 95% of mealtimes).

AIBU to not want him to?

I do it with 3.3 DD because she is sometimes so tired that she stops eating and it's just too much effort to keep going. If I don't think she's had enough I will load a fork and leave it on the plate, saying nothing - and often it will be picked up and eaten.

Sometimes I'll feed her. It's no biggie.

Treating a 3 yr old like a baby is only crap parenting in some cultures!

A 3 year old is a baby - this country is obsessed with making them grow up before their time.

DS2 eats like a horse (think three bananas as a snack) and in no way needs helping to eat his food.

What cultures think children who can walk and talk, climb trees, draw pictures and sing songs, use the toilet and dress themselves need to be spoonfed like little babies?

"A 3 year old is a baby - this country is obsessed with making them grow up before their time."

A 3 week old is a baby - utterly dependent on its mother for everything.

A 3 year old is a small child and capable of a great deal of independence.

They may be capable of a great deal of independence but they still need help with things. Is occasionally helping a pre school child with their food really that bad?

Sirzy he does not need help. He uses a fork, spoon and fingers (often all at once) to eat a great amount and variety of food. At home he often clears his plate; out and about the portions are usually bigger so I don't see why more food should be spooned in after he's already fed himself a good amount of food.

I was mainly responding to those who seem to believe that 3 year olds shouldn't need help. It's great your son doesn't in general but not all are the same

i wouldnt fret about it unless eating out happens loads.
lots of dads want to do the 'oh look at me arnt i great and so hands on' thing when they are in public because they dont ubderstand that the mums are looking at them thinking what a twat instead of how lovely

Hello - I'm the guilty husband (or DH, as I believe your strange lady language would have it). I've joined Mumsnet/this thread mainly to wind my wife up. I like doing that.

But seriously, I just wanted to say that I agree with the commenter who said that different parents can do things differently. I don't see it as a problem, obviously - just a bit of daddy/son fun (that also happens to wind up wifey a bit - bonus!).

My littlest boy is never again going to be a baby and I just like to relive a few of those early parenting memories, with joy rather than the stress that I (often) felt back then. If you think I'm a bad parent for this then you're simply wrong. I adore my boys, and my wife - and I'm a hands-on, always-around and very caring chap. You'd all love me. I just wish she'd 'unclench' a bit occasionally (and in more ways than one - heh).

But best of all, I'm now off to the pub and haven't told her that I've just joined in order to send this. So it should be fun when I get home. Stay on my side, you lovely ladies!

Archibald.

I had an Italian lodger who was shocked that I didn't spoon feed my 2 year old Our desire for small children to be independent of us asap is a cultural one.

Saying that though, I hate seeing parents trying to shovel more food into a child who has had enough. Getting enough food into children really isn't an issue in this country - getting children to know when they are full and not over-eat is a more pressing aim!

socknickingpixie

ArchibaldB yes of course you are lovely. Just annoying on occasion

waves at Meg and archibald and btw you are being very brave coming on to say your piece! i am afraid i agree with meg in that he is too old to be being fed, he can and does feed himself well, in the big sheme of things tho i am a bit meh, i wont do it to mine and i cant see that it hurts per se except if he is then expecting it all of the time that is a bit of an issue for mum who has to deal with mealtimes most of the time!

goes to txt meg to let her know what her lovely (and he is lovely!) dh has done!

ooh you have already seen meg

ps archibald if you want to look after a baby you are welcome to borrow Merryn anytime!

brilliant just brilliant. you must give that chap a huge snog (from you) and a high 5 from me.
hes just made me snort tea out of my nose.

oh and let him get on with it only stop him if he actually stands up and starts flapping his arms whilst holding the wrong end of the fork in his mouth

TBH if it doesn´t upset the boy I can´t see a problem.

Unless Archbald is thinking of continuing it into his teens

It´s not stopping his ability to feed himself, is it?

"It´s not stopping his ability to feed himself, is it?"

Yes, it's teaching him that he does not know when he is full.

YANBU

This is why we are a fat nation - because we try and shovel food into our kids when they don't want anymore.

If he accepts the food-then maybe he doesn´t know!

i think the issue is more that little ds2 then expects it when daddy is not about, which is irritating, but he will learn that mummy and daddy can do different things.

but yes encouraging him to overeat is not good, but i doubt that archibald is encouraging his ds2 to stuff himself and knowing the ds2 he is more than capable of saying NO if he really doesnt want anything else to eat! :)

Archibald, brave man

However telling us your wife should unclench?

Not sure why bonding means recreating your son's babyhood. Will you be putting him in nappies too

a 3 year old is as dependant

My mother is Italian - the children are babied for far longer than here