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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that estate agents' adverts are written by morons?

62 replies

ShellyBoobs · 19/07/2012 21:43

Recently I've seen:

"The property enjoys far reaching views..." No it doesn't. It's a fucking inanimate object incapable of feeling emotion.

"This newly built home benefits from gas central heating" No. The occupants might benefit from the heating but the home won't know much about it.

"This fine residence..." It's a 2-bedroomed bungalow. As nice as it might be, it's hardly a fucking 'residence' is it?

OP posts:

LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 22:54

I think their descriptions are fine. You are pi55ed off aren't you? Why?

LoveIsTooHard · 19/07/2012 22:55

I get what you are saying though, made me .

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 19/07/2012 22:55

It's like their own corporate speak, innit.

wimblehorse · 19/07/2012 23:03

I saw one the other week about an Edwardian semi "this purpose built property".
Aren't ALL properties purpose built? Houses don't just appear by accident?

Mintyy · 19/07/2012 23:06

Wimblehorse
No, not all properties are purpose built, many are conversions (ie. a house split into flats).

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 19/07/2012 23:07

You ought to see one of our local agents. They are so utterly pretentious they make up little rhymes to describe each property and they are cringingly bad. I really want to email them and ask them why they bother.

MurderOfProse · 19/07/2012 23:09

I'm currently feeling amused over the gloss only an estate agent could put on our local area. Almost made me want to stay! It's almost like poetry.

In another localish area as part of the property description, they were describing a nearby ruined Abbey, when it was built, and who by, and when it was de-Abbeyfied or whatever it is they do etc. This Abbey is a good mile from the property. Talk about scrabbling around for something positive, and like the new owners of a house a mile away are going to care exactly who built some old ruins in the twelfth century..

waterlego6064 · 19/07/2012 23:09

YANBU and

I hate 'bedroomed' as in '3 bedroomed'. Since when has 'bedroom' been a verb?

To bedroom
I am bedrooming the house

All right, it's functioning as an adjective but it looks like a verb and I don't like it.

hardtosleep · 19/07/2012 23:10

Someone is selling a flat in our house at the moment, we have amazing views, the flat for sale has views only of a very high tower block and a horrible, grizzly road (we occupy the ground and first floor at the back of the house, they the same at the front of the house iyswim).

The estate agents blurb says 'flat in a property with breathtaking open views across x. Well, only if you come into our flat it does, and we aren't moving. Five different viewers/couples have now knocked on our door to ask us whether there has been some mistake & if our flat is also for sale we are getting less polite each time we answer the door :)

WetAugust · 19/07/2012 23:11

The one that makes me boil is 'Architect designed'.

Surely anyone who designs a house is an architect - houses don't design themselves.

wimblehorse · 19/07/2012 23:16

Mintyy.
No, a house converted into flats was still built on or with a purpose. As was a warehouse conversion.

pixwix · 19/07/2012 23:17

Any description that says "The property boasts a.." (swimming pool, conservatory, parking place or just four walls and a roof) makes me want to run for the hills..

Am sure the house just HAS whatever it is meant to be boasting about, and is actually quite self-effacing and nonchalant about it all really..

Sparks1 · 19/07/2012 23:18

Bunch of unqualified, bullshitting, jumped up sales person wankers.

A complete leech on society.

I've never dealt with them and never will.

Mintyy · 19/07/2012 23:19

Wimblehorse
Its just a couple of words to convey the fact that the building was originally arranged as (for example) flats.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/07/2012 23:25

"Cottage style". None of the buildings I've seen thus described have looked anything at all like what I'd call a cottage. The majority are totally featureless mid-terraces in what looks distressingly a breeze block (and in most cases isn't much bigger). Not a picket fence in sight.

TellyBug · 19/07/2012 23:25

YANBU. They are cunts.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/07/2012 23:25

looks distressingly LIKE... damn, it's past my bedtime.

wimblehorse · 19/07/2012 23:26

Mintyy, thanks

[Steps away before Minty starts helpfully explaining that where it says "the property boasts" they are just using words to convey some of the features of the property.]

Mintyy · 19/07/2012 23:29

Wimblehorse
No, I agree, "the property boasts" is loathsome made-up estate agent speak.

"Purpose built" is a quite normal and legitimate description and does not, imho, come under the umbrella of poor use of English.

McHappyPants2012 · 19/07/2012 23:37

The property enjoys far reaching views = There is a great view from the property

This newly built home benefits from gas central heating = the property has gas central heating

This fine residence = this property will make a fine home

Original poster

ShellyBoobs · 19/07/2012 23:46

You are pi55ed off aren't you? Why?

Mainly because a couple we've dealt with recently have been utter lying shysters.

Without going into too much boring detail they've been less than honest about the particulars of a few houses we've travelled to view.

It's not amusing to find that the 'extensive grounds' for which they couldn't give specific measurements ("but honestly,you won't be disappointed Mrs Boobs") turns out to be a pretty typical fucking garden.

Or maybe it was the use of some fancy camera lens in the photos of another brochure which really annoyed me.

OP posts:

TellyBug · 19/07/2012 23:51

I've known fake blue sky to be photoshopped behind windows. Really.

LoveIsTooHard · 20/07/2012 00:00

Oh Shelley buying a house must be very difficult. I'll probably not be in that position to beale to. I wish you good luck :)

Sometimespeope post links to their dream houses or the worst graffited house in UK on Rightmove site. I enjoy those.

Bubbaluv · 20/07/2012 00:56

TellyBug, we are selling our place at the moment and they have done some pretty amazing photoshopping. No ugly wall outside the side windows, no wires behind the telly or phone, no unpainted house next door, roaring fire in the fireplace, yacht racing on the television (yes we watch hours of yacht racing dontcha know). Luckily it was a glorious day so the blue skys are the real deal

zipzap · 20/07/2012 01:00

When we sold our flat we had to re-write the blurb the estate agent had written for it - particularly the general bit about the general area - facts, grammar, spelling - whole caboodle was just wrong.

We then noticed that he had switched over to using our blurb on all subsequent property details he wrote - but I never had the guts to point out that if I'd done this for him with my (then) work hat on he'd have had to have paid me a reasonable sum seeing as it benefitted all his future clients - enough to give me a decent discount off the fees but no, got barely a 'oh if you insist on these changes you annoying woman I am an estate agent don't you know and I know what I am doing and I'm certainly not going to admit that oooh I like these paragraphs better than the one I used before I suppose I could change the details. grrr.

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