To think that estate agents' adverts are written by morons?

[ShellyBoobs]

Recently I've seen:

"The property enjoys far reaching views..." No it doesn't. It's a fucking inanimate object incapable of feeling emotion.

"This newly built home benefits from gas central heating" No. The occupants might benefit from the heating but the home won't know much about it.

"This fine residence..." It's a 2-bedroomed bungalow. As nice as it might be, it's hardly a fucking 'residence' is it?

nogreythatmatters I'll see your Foxtons and raise you Swetenhams

HatesEstateAgentsTiggaxx

Didn't know that Pendeen - interesting.

The best I've seen recently.... "a plethora of trees" to describe a few woody gnarly half dead twigs at the bottom of the garden.

STFU

Yes, the copious lush foliage ours was supposedly surrounded by turned out to be a 2 foot high privet hedge . Lying fuckers.

We have an estate agent locally who is known for writing rather honest, and sometimes bizarre descriptions, I once looked at a house that he described as "nearly worn out" and I saw one advertised as "ideal for people who like to do it in the woods."

Most ridiculous one I've seen, concerning a fairly drab, ordinary house:
"It is with infinite pleasure that we are offering this beautiful residence for sale..."

We definitely need more like your kind NannyOgg

I am in love with the phrase "offering opportunity most potent" I may have to have it tattooed on my arse

My OH has found another one to rant over...

If you would like a prospective buyer to look at the photos in your advert would you use:

a) "As the photos show";

b) "As you can see from the pictures";

or c) "As the photography demonstrates" ?

What a load of pretentious shit.

Last one is used extensively by one particular EA in our area. You could probably work out where I am by googling that phrase TBH.

Fucking cock monkeys, the lot of them.

< Cock monkeys is OH's turn of phrase >

I'd like to stop the use of property/residence. It's a house/flat, so call it that!

They're just personifying it. No harm there.

"Newly fitted Naff kitchen" made me laugh. I couldn't believe they'd sent the property paper to press with that in it!