to get cross when dh expects me to heat up his tea?

[PiedWagtail]

Last night I ate with the kids - risotto, so easy for dh to heat up later. At 9 ish I was relaxing on couch with wine and cripss just having finished work when dh came in (he was working too; we both have home offices) and asked about tea. I said, I ate earlier. Cue grumpy look; 'oh, I'll be doing my own then?'. Grrrrr. It took him 2 mins to reheat the risotto, it's not like I was asking him to catch the chicken, pluck it, cook it..... etc!! Drives me mad. Plus, he has only cooked about twice in the last 6 months. Gah. IABU??

Tell him he can either heat it up or wear it. His choice.
Uterus does not = maid.

yanbu

Is he pissed off that you went ahead and are without him without shouting upstairs t

Is he pissed off that you went ahead and are without him without shouting upstairs to see if he wanted to join the rest of you?

Otherwise I don't see his problem.

Sorry for drip feeding - he was out when we ate at 5 (otherwise I would have called him!!).

I work from home all the time; he only does sometimes. We both put kids to bed last night then both did some work at home.

I usually wait for him but he likes to eat later than I do, so I didn't yesterday!

You're right that he needs to cook more often. He CAN do it perfectly well; he doesn't plan what he needs (and I do all the shopping etc) so he's limited to what I have bought for the week.

And yes, he knew tea was ready to reheat, not cook!!

YANBU.
Did he expect you to spoon feed him it too?!

I am feeling very uncharitable today

Oh bugger the bolds, it was was meant to be a disclaimer!

feel sorry for men at times. he just came in from work ok so you work too but obviously unwidning at this stage. would it kill ye to say no bother poor him a glass heat it and bring him a fork?

its not being a servant and womens rights and all that crap

just bein nice!!!

YANBU. If he wants to be served, he should go to a retaurant. Scuzy, why should the OP get off the sofa when relaxing after work to wait on her DH? Do you live in Stepford?

The op had just finished work herself!

scuzy op had been working and looking after children.

If a poor man can't come home and hit a few buttons on a microwave to sort himself out. Sure why not feed it to him cause he has been working.

I do not feel sorry for him. Op just right I'm sure he is more than capable of using a microwave.

YANBU, obviously.

Yes...it's nice to be nice...but the OP's dh behaved as though he was entitled to have it done for him. So she is nbu.

If you usually wait for him and hadn't told him that you were planning on eating early then I can see why he might be a bit grumpy when you replied "I ate earlier".

He might have been looking forward to eating with you.

YANBU. If I said 'I ate earlier, yours is on the side, it's risotto - you just need to reheat it', my DH would say 'Oh fantastic, thanks darling. You do so much for me.' Which is the correct answer.

I think a grownup eating dinner at 5pm is a bit wierd (nursery tea!) and deliberately eating separately is IMO not a good sign in a couple. You say he eats too late (and you eat too early)

Why not try compromising and eating at a more grownup time for you and civilised time for him?

sorry - weird

Isn't it a better thing to make sure one of the adults eats with the kids though?

He is unreasonable. You both work. You cooked so it's not like he had to then start sorting any food out, he just had to bung it in the microwave.

So would mine bec

The OP's dh came in, enquired about dinner, then expected her to jump to....and was put out when she didn't.

HE wasn't nice.

YABU reheated rissotto???!

It is not weird to eat early with the children. It is normal! We all eat together at about 5.30. I think it's weird to cook two separate meals and eat when the children are in bed, as if they are some sort of different species. We make exceptions for special occasions, when one of us is back late, or

It's not weird to eat with your kids!

Any later than 5 - 6pm and I'm up all night with indigestion.

(sorry, errant press of enter button)
when we are planning to eat something that the kids won't. Also, the cooking/washing up/tidying up shenangians doesn't last all night. But, horses for course.
OP, YANBU. He should be grateful that you left him any.

Thanks all :) Good to get some different POVs. It's easy to get used to the way a relationship goes and it's nice to compare it to others' to see where any similarities/differences are.

It is not weird to eat at 5pm; I would much prefer that children ate with an adult than just all children together. It's good for them to feel that mealtimes are a family time, and they learn their table manners by example. What do they learn from their parents choosing not to eat with them?

OP has stated that her husband likes to eat later than she does. Why should she always be the one to bend to his preference? If she compromises and eats later than she prefers sometimes, he should compromise and eat earlier than he prefers sometimes. And if he can't manage that, then yes, he eats alone.

He knew there was a meal prepared for him ( "And yes, he knew tea was ready to reheat, not cook!!" ), just waiting to be reheated, so the response of " grumpy look; 'oh, I'll be doing my own then?'." was uncalled for. And rude. And entitled.