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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be in meltdown,!

85 replies

forcedinsomnia · 19/07/2012 09:32

I'm a military mum.. ...I found out yesterday I'm being sent to work the Olympics for up to 7 weeks and will miss ds's 1st birthday!! On top if that I leave today and he's unwell. Could he be pIcking up on ny emotions? The guys I work with are not being supportive and nobody has even asked if everything is sorted with ds and childcare etc. I'm really upset and stressed. Going to stock up on calpol for dh while I'm away. Gutted!!!! :-(

OP posts:

tabulahrasa · 19/07/2012 10:33

I meant it in a - I think it's awful that they're being sent in like this to cover a private company's mess, so I'd think it would be more upsetting to go and miss a birthday than if it was because a war had broken out or to go deal with a bomb.

tabulahrasa · 19/07/2012 10:35

Or something of that urgency...

Mama1980 · 19/07/2012 10:35

I haven't read all the thread sorry. But I don't think you are being unreasonable to be upset, I would have been never mind he won't remember my ds s first birthdays was a very special day for me. But you are in the military and you know there is always this possibility, which is your choice. I do feel for you though. Will you be able to see him at all?

Original poster

forcedinsomnia · 19/07/2012 10:45

Hi VermiciousKnid (I love that film!!) No we won't be able to come home. It's too far away anyway. I'll live and so will he, I know that it's not the end of the world.....just feel pretty crap. I need to remind myself that ds will not know. I feel a bit of a let down....but need to remember I'm doing it for him too....to get some money for nice clothes and chocolate buttons. Keep your eye out for me on the telly. :-)

OP posts:

TandB · 19/07/2012 12:30

Poor you. I assume you weren't expecting to be deployed at this time and this is purely because of the cock-up with security.

That's got to be a bit galling. It's one thing being sent away at short notice because somewhere has descended into a warzone or because there has been a major incident. It's something else entirely being sent away because some company didn't do their job properly.

Hope you manage to enjoy at least some of the 7 weeks.

Krumbum · 19/07/2012 12:33

I sympathise. What the hell are the using the military for. Waste of their time.we should be employing people properly for it (not through work fare!!)

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 19/07/2012 12:38

That is utterly shit, there is no way I could be apart from my wee one for that long.

However, you are in the army and presumably you could be sent away for far longer.

Are you sure you can't afford to leave?

rhondajean · 19/07/2012 13:07

YANBU to feel like that! Heartless bunch this morning.

I'm very sorry for all of our soldiers and police who have lost leave to sort out this fiasco.

IHeartKingThistle · 19/07/2012 13:11

OP is not in the army - she's said it about 15 times!

Pandemoniaa · 19/07/2012 13:14

I can see why you are upset. I wouldn't have wanted to miss either of my dcs's first birthdays despite knowing that the babies wouldn't have actually known it was a significant day. I suspect I'd be doubly pissed off about the whole G4S fiasco that has resulted in the deployment of additional military personnel at such short notice.

On the other hand, your job comes with an inability to dispose of your time or the choice of where you are sent to work in a way that many civilian jobs don't. So while I'm sympathetic, I still think you are only experiencing what, in fairness, is reasonable to expect from a military career.

yellowraincoat · 19/07/2012 13:19

OP, you are getting such a slating and I have no idea why. You weren't expecting to be away from your child and now you are. I have every sympathy, it sounds horrid.

Your son will be fine with your husband though and I'm sure you'll have a great time in some ways. There's so much going on in London at the moment, hopefully you'll get some time to see stuff, and you'll be right in the middle of the action.

Imagine how exciting it'll be when your son grows up and you can tell him all about the Olympics!

yellowraincoat · 19/07/2012 13:21

Pandemoniaa sure, it comes with being in the military. But you could say that for most situations. "My husband is being a prick" - well, that's what being married is like. "I'm worried about my child" - that's what having a child is like. "I'm pissed off at my sister" - that's what having a sister is like. "I'm stressed at work" - that's what having a job is like.

I'm sure the OP isn't stupid and is well aware that her job takes her away sometimes. Maybe she just wants a little bit of sympathy since she's not getting any from her colleagues.

RaisinDEtre · 19/07/2012 13:33

Good post from Rosemary, thanks from me too

OP, I am sorry

YANBU and your colleagues are gits

Chin up chick, you MIGHT get Usain Bolt Finals to oversee from finish line

Pandemoniaa · 19/07/2012 13:34

I am sympathetic, yellowraincoat and have said so but I don't think you can reasonably compare having a husband behaving like a prick with the realistic expectations of a particular job. But I've never suggested that the OP shouldn't be upset to discover she'll miss her dc's first birthday.

yellowraincoat · 19/07/2012 13:36

Pandemoniaa I think the OP realises that as part of the military she has to go away. That doesn't mean it won't upset her sometimes. That's my point.

wonderwooman · 19/07/2012 13:43

I think the difference here for the OP is the last-minute change of plans.

Yes, she is in the military and has decided to have a child - two things which are not in the slightest bit compatible if you want a conventional parenting experience - but mostly when soldiers are sent on manoeuvres or on an operational tour they know about it in advance and are able to prepare themselves for being away for short/long periods of time and the fact that they might miss out on loved ones' birthdays etc.

This Olympic security debacle is pretty last minute!!

ajandjjmum · 19/07/2012 13:46

The G4S fiasco has caused all of this, and it is the 'job' of the forces to keep us safe, so makes sense for them to be drafted in.

Still can empathise with the OP, emotions can't be put to one side, nomatter how logical the reason for the deployment.

And as other have said - thank you to everyone going to the Olympic venues to make it secure. DD works there, and says how much safer she feels with the forces around.

A friend of ours has been deployed - he's thrilled, as he'll get to be 'part of' the Olympics.

justonemorethread · 19/07/2012 14:01

Great example of women being extra harsh on women.
If a male soldier had posted it would be 'oh, how wonderful for a man to be so committed to his duty and be sensitive at the same time, you hero, you', but for a female soldier? 'get a grip, you're being histerical'
Nice.

cestlavielife · 19/07/2012 14:02

why cant dh buy the calpol?

mrs2cats · 19/07/2012 14:10

No you're not being unreasonable.

Logically, yes, being in the military means sometimes having to be away from family. However, emotionally, as a mother, to be away from DS at what seems like an important milestone in his life must be heart wrenching (and at such short notice) - especially as he's unwell and you won't seem him for quite a while.

However, you need to calm down, take deep breaths and remember that worse things can happen. I would have a lovely party when you get back celebrating your return and his 1st birthday. When he's older, if knows that you had to be away for his 1st birthday, I'm sure he'll be proud of the job you had to do on the day to make the Olympics and this country safe.

As for colleagues - people who don't have children really have no idea of the issues that parents can have. They're probably not being inconsiderate, just not given it any thought.

sharklet · 19/07/2012 14:16

Wow aren't you lot a bunch of unsympathetic folks. There are a whole bunch of reasons for thinking this is unfair and rubbish and frustrating... just because in signing up to the armed forces you are agreeing to deployments (sudden or otherwise) should not mean you and your family cannot expect to be frustrated when it messes things up for them, or want to be supported when difficult things come up.

Lets be honest here too, this whole mess is the fault of a huge company, who promised the earth and could not deliver it and the armed forces are having to carry the can. Lots of friends family members are being draughted in at the drop of a hat and it had led to many akward situations for them, missing family holidays that were already booked, missing big family occasions planned for when they would be in country after deployment to afghanistan etc. with some families who can ill afford it loosing out on a lot of money, through cancelled holidays, most of which they will not get back and they are expected to just suck it up without comment or frustration? Military families have real lives too, we do our best to plan around these things, keep a stiff upper lip and all... but honestly cutting people a bit of slack and allowing them to feel the frustrations this throws up and work through them instead of the responses many on civvy street (as illustrated here) give of "well you knew what you signed up for...) etc doesn't help anyone does it.

OP In the grand scheme of things, No, don't worry. Your little one will not remember, nor even know the exact day of his birthday. If DH cannot bring him to you, then do something really special for him when you are back. I'm sure your DH will cope fine, is he serving too? It is frustrating that no-one has thought to ask if things are tricky for you with a last minute deployment like this, but don't let it eat you up. YANBU to be pissed off and frustrated at all. Wether your being in the military means you are more likely to be deployed suddenly. Someone else's crappy planning has led to this and I for one am seething on your behalf.

Hope it all works out OP. Do your best to make the best of a bad situation, and celebrate with DH and DS when you return. x

BrianButterfield · 19/07/2012 14:31

I have a DS of the same age and if I were to have to go away with work, my colleagues would ask me if I was ok for childcare or had any worries. Since I came back from ML, I've been asked nearly every day where he is in the day, if he enjoys it and if I'm happy with it. Some of you have very miserable workplaces if you never chat about these things.

FateLovesTheFearless · 19/07/2012 14:42

Yanbu. First birthdays are all about the mother really and I would be upset too at not having a decent amount of notice.

Emotions aside, logically there is nothing you can do to change anything. I bet your dc will grow up to be really proud of your job though.

glenthebattleostrich · 19/07/2012 16:13

YANBU OP. It must be incredibly frustrating to be expecting to be at home for your babies birthday then because of a screw up by a company who still expect to be paid for causing this fiasco you can't be.

At least you'll still be in the country so could you perhaps arrange for your child to come visit so you still get to see them?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/07/2012 16:25

It is sad that you won't be around for his first birthday but I promise you he won't know.

I would feel frustrated that I am missing it because of a private co cocking up.

Why not arrange a joint official first birthday / mummy's coming home party for your return.

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