AIBU to be in meltdown,!

[forcedinsomnia]

I'm a military mum.. ...I found out yesterday I'm being sent to work the Olympics for up to 7 weeks and will miss ds's 1st birthday!! On top if that I leave today and he's unwell. Could he be pIcking up on ny emotions? The guys I work with are not being supportive and nobody has even asked if everything is sorted with ds and childcare etc. I'm really upset and stressed. Going to stock up on calpol for dh while I'm away. Gutted!!!! :-(

I think it is probably a good job it is the Olympics you are going to and not a war zone if your emotions are in meltdown.

at the lack of sympathy you're getting.
I feel for you, and your colleagues should have at least asked. DD won't know though.

It certainly is unlucky timing..bu there you go...she won't know and you can have a celebration beforehand...and skype on the day.

Another one here at the callousness on display on this thread

Dur, of course military personnel should expect to be sent away at short notice

Dur, of course that doesn't mean they won't be miserable at missing a child's first birthday

Can you have a replacement birthday party when you're back? Like the Queen's official birthday? Your DD won't know!

I feel sorry for you but surely equal treatment is exactly what you've got here. Do you think the military will be worrying about what all the fathers being deployed will do about missing their family? No, I doubt it very much.

You say about wives being offered support when DHs are posted away......well I expect that your DP will be offered support too won't he?

I do feel for you missing your baby's 1st birthday, but this must go hand in hand with your job.

OK-you can be upset at missing his birthday-has anyone said you can´t?

But thinking that work colleagues will be interested in your managing, or not to get childcare?

It´s often said on here that no one is as interested in your PFB as you-and I should imagine that they are therefore so not interested in his childcare!!

Or are you bothered because you thought that these colleagues were friends also?

I understand you being upset, but try not to think badly of your colleagues for not asking about your childcare and if you are ok. People who don't have children don't tend to think of these things, like you said yourself,my you had no idea how maternal you would feel.

I get that you are upset at the short notice but you can't expect to be treated differently to your workmates just because you are a mother. I assume you are being terated in the same way a "dad" would be.

It's not nice but that is part of being in the forces.

W-Gordy-S ()

YANBU to be upset about missing his birthday, but women serving in the military should rightly be treated the same as men, who wouldn't be given special time off for children's birthdays.

I'm saddened by the lack of empathy of this thread. I hope that this is to do with anonymity and that people would not be so unsympathetic in real life.

YANBU Forcedinsomnia.

You have my sympathy.

I'm going to disagree with the majority and think you have a right to be upset (which you obviously are). We were a forces family and important dates were missed, however, we always had notice about it i.e. we knew deployment dates in advance even with short notice or the deployment was effective and we knew there was a possibility of a delayed return.

Birthdays don't have to be celebrated on 'the day' but at any time. Ask my DD who ends having several birthday celebrations due to her birthday falling at the end of the summer hols and our extended family wanting to celebrate with her.

Thank you for serving our country and helping to make the Olympics a safe event. I'm sorry that you have to miss your child's first birthday to do so.

Oh I'm so sorry. Of course you are entitled to feel sad. Who wouldn't?

Yes, you knew what you were letting yourself in for when you signed up. But I also understand how things change once you have children and the unsympathetic cries of "you knew what you were letting yourself in for" really really doesn't help.

Yes you did, but that was pre children. Has nobody ever been completely surprised by how their love for their children completely turned their life around in a way they didn't expect? Unfortunately, this happens a lot. Service families then cannot afford to leave the services and so have to suffer long periods of separation even though thats the last thing they want. Then are told that because they signed up for it then thats tough!

He will be fine however. My DH missed our Son's first and third birthdays. We just celebrated them twice!

Helloooooo Kenny

I don't want equal rights especially and this will never ever happen in the military anyway. This is my first baby and the first long ish time away. I had no idea when I found out I was pregnant and decided to stay in the military how strong my maternal feelings would be. If I could afford it I would leave the forces asap. But it's not an option yet. I know I'm not the only mum military or otherwise to be away from their dcs.
Didn't mean to cause a row. Sorry.
Also the other thing I was wondering in my op was do you think the baby picks up on feelings??
I'm packed and ready to go....so chill out....I know it's my duty. Just crap timing and lack of welfare support from my line managers which has pissed me off.
Ps I'm not a soldier and I'm not in the army.

But in this case, although the notice has been woefully short, surely such personnel as the OP have been prepared that this might happen?

I mean it´s not totally unexpected?

Forcedinsomnia - I suspect babies can pick up on emotions. However, I also suspect that he will be fine whilst you are away. I take it he has a strong bond with your dh?

Give your colleagues a chance!! They may well offer more in the way of sympathy/consideration as time goes on..... They probably have stuff to sort out at short notice too....

I feel for you, seven weeks is along time. Will you be able to see your son at all during that time?

I'd be really upset at missing my child's birthday at short notice - to help at a sporting event...it's not like being deployed on short notice to do their actual job is it?

Hey OP, I might get shot down for this, but your DS is going to be one,

I have in the past "moved" very small children's birthdays to fit in with a family situation, the child knows no difference,

it worth thinking about, we certainly had fun doing it, and no one is any the wiser.

oh poor you. Yes, it is your job, but this is very short notice, and caused by a private company screwing things up. I can understand why you are upset. Good luck with it all and thank goodness the military have the organisational skills to pull this operation off. Your baby won't remember and you can give him an extra special birthday when its all over,

"it's not like being deployed on short notice to do their actual job is it?"

-well that´ll make the OP feel better about it all!

(and anyone else doing this)

Surely this is their job-or why are they being called on??

YANBU OP, but surely being away from your child was on the cards due to the nature of your job? You have my sympathies though!

Thank you OP.

Thank you for helping to keep our country safe.

Thank you for being part of a team that will help my old Mum feel comfortable when she sits down to watch the Olympic Gymnastics.

As a survivour of an IRA bomb, my Mum needs and deserves to feel safe in her own country, high level, visable secuirty makes a big difference to her.

Yes i think babies can pick up on your feelings. They know when something is wrong and tend to play up but one they get use to it normally settle down very fast.

He really will be ok with your husband ans you can celebrate his birthday when you get back.

People without children have no idea what its like to have them not the feelings or the care it takes to look after and raise them.

You are allowed to feel upset and pissed off about it but you will have to learn to accept that its out of your control and your working to give your baby a good life.