to be upset over the comment on my 'baby weight'?

[gobblegobs]

Dh is extremely supportive of DS ( 3 months old) and I. Has been doting over me pre and post pregnancy. Recently been posted abroad and we have followed.
I have always been petite (size 6), however post birth have been size 12 for the last 3 months. I had an c section. In all honesty have not exercised as busy with the move and baby, as primary sole carer for the baby. I am not concerned as would like to spend a few months nurturing and enjoying the baby, gym will be there in six months time too.

PILs came to visit for the weekend and lovingly(not!) commented on how if I don't tackle my "tummy" it would stay. When I was in the kitchen, overheard FIL mention in the passing I ought to be disciplined as laziness is an easy trap to fall in. Since we have a gym in our building Mil suggested taking the baby in sling on the treadmill!! Fil wondered why i could not take long walks as I am home all day (its 48 degrees) outside.These words were not meant for my ears but I was rightly(?) upset. MY lovely DH stood up for me saying I am the best mom he has known and he is in no rush for my pre pregnancy body to return.

However, a seed has been planted in DH's head as he has since the weekend started commenting on the fact its been whole 3 months and I havent hit the treadmill as I used to prebaby.
Yesterday he was looking at our wedding pics and jokingly remarked pointing at my svelte self "this is the woman I marrired". He then realised the error of his ways and smiled adding " No worries, you will get there"/

Now this perhaps its storm in a tea cup, but AIBU to be upset over it? PILs plan to visit in a month's time again...should I invest in some spandex???

Ha. I remember DH going through the loft when DS1 was about 12 months. Came across bag of pre pregnancy clothes and said 'can we get rid of these? It's not like you're ever going to get in them again'

To be fair, he had a point.

Don't listen to such nonsense. Also, if you want to EBF you need the weight. Your body will not let you lose weight as it will always want to ensure you have enough 'in reserve' for the baby should you need it.

And it's true about the cortisol, although I've only recently discovered it.

Whatever you do DO NOT jog with your baby in a sling. It is very very dangerous (equivalent to shaking).

If your DH genuinely wants you to lose weight after the birth, you need sleep. So tell him he needs to do the night settling, let you have afternoon naps etc , not buy you a bloody gym membership.

Http://www.theshapeofawoman.com is a great site for making you feel good about your post partum body and how amazing it is, unlike your awful ILs.

Http:theshapeofawoman.com

I want to agree with alll the other posters re PIL. I think you are brilliant, in 3 months you've had abdominal surgery, had a baby, breastfeed, moved house to a new country and had in laws to visit. Awesome

Ever noticed how selebs, disappear, have a baby, then supposedly drop the weight in "6 weeks", reappear in tight dress with a baby looking older than 6 weeks? Yes, night nannies, day nannies, cleaners, chefs, PAs. Its a lot easier if people do all the "other stuff" leaving you to concentrate on baby, losing weight and eating well (or starving in some cases). Maybe, we the public, should stop buying the magazines that focus on celebs weight etc.

I was really disturbed by "When I was in the kitchen, overheard FIL mention in the passing I ought to be disciplined as laziness is an easy trap to fall in."

Disciplined? What kind of world does he live in?

for a start, size 12 is slim! Size 6 is teeny tiny. There's nothing fat or wobbly or overweight about a size 12 at all.

Imperial, i think he meant be disciplined in my ways...have an exercise regime! And not just sit on the couch holding the baby
This is while I prepared a two course meal for them!
I have started to think that we do need to be vocal about things we do as new mothers lest vile family members assume maternity leave is a 'holiday'...and all a mum does is engage in gluttony and sloth!!!

Imperial - I assume he meant she ought to have self-discipline! At least, I really really hope that's what he meant!

OP - agree that you should point out to your DH that you may never got back to that shape (even if you lose weight, bones can shift etc and my ma gained an inch on her waist after every child even once the weight was lost) and he'd better stop having any expectations. You'll be whatever shape you'll be and exercise when you're good and ready, not before.

Oops X post!

My DH would always say to anyone who would listen that he loves tall slim women and that was definitely his type (and was my shape when l met him). In fact he would go as far as to say he was very turned off (with regards to physical attraction obv. not as people) by excess body fat on women.
Trouble is now l have put a couple of stone on and for first time in my life l am struggling with my weight. It seems to be since l hit the menopause and l just cant seem to shake it. Being tall (l've still got one tick on his checklist at least ) l dont look 'fat' by any stretch of imagination but definitely look thicker round the middle where the weight has mainly settled.

He is still (or it would be obvious!) very attracted to me, still pesters wants to have sex with me regularly. But - although he swears he still thinks l am beautiful and l always will be to him because he loves me etc etc - there is always a niggle at back of my mind of how much he loved my body before and how can he still love it now when it's not strictly his type now iyswim.
I know l dont have the same impact on him now when l get undressed - the old 'wow' type of comments or any compliments are never made anymore during lovemaking (he still compliments me as a person in other situations). I cant bring this up with him or l would then think he was complimenting me to make me feel better and not spontaneously.

Part of the problem l know is l have a very poor body image now and absolutely hate this extra weight l am carrying no matter how many people say 'you're fine, you're not fat etc' l still hate it.
It's so difficult OP l know (talking about you and DH here - ignore and forget your in laws - rude buggers). I mean part of me wants to just carry on putting weight on (or not get rid of it) to 'test' my DHs love for me which has passed the test so far but at what point would it not - another stone ? another two stone?
The other part of me wants to fight to get back my lovely slim figure for him and for me.

Just one last thing that struck me reading your OP. I wonder if your DH is a little under the thumb of his parents who sound quite domineering and feels pressurised for you to get back into shape for their next visit so they wont 'start' on about it again. It's almost as if they have left their orders and expectations for their next visit.

You can't do vigorous excersize for 5 months after Cs. I'd love to get a good workout but exclusive bf rules that out. They are all being arseholes. Its your body.

Mindyourownbusiness I have often wondered about my DH appeasing his parents!
Never thought of the connection between the two. Thanks for shedding some light...

Tell them to piss off. You had major abdominal surgery 3 months ago...let alone the other changes pregnancy causes! You should be relaxing and enjoying your new-born, not running down the gym every 5 minutes.

I personally was keen to get back into better shape after my two and worked out whenever I could. I felt ok jogging after about 7 weeks post section. But I would have gone ballistic if anyone suggested I should lose the weight! Fil sounds awful and I'd probably have a chat with dh about that unhelpful seed he planted.

These comments are cruel and insensitive. I know it's hard but please ignore and enjoy these first few months with your baby.

As other posters have said, your body changes after a baby. Give yourself a break and let your DH know that any digs are both insensitive and hurtful.

So you were too skinny before and now you are too fat according to your ILs? Whatever your shape, they will always feel the need to comment.

What would really piss DH off, is when he comes home, pass baby to him, tell him you are off to aerobics or the gym and leave him to it. Do it everyday until he says something. Make sure you take your time away too!

YANBU they are all rude, nasty arseholes! on your behalf. You will not be the shape you are right now forever, things change, there is no hurry at all, there certainly isn't a time limit!

Btw you say you labelled as being to skinny before pregnancy so I wonder how much of this down to your inlaws' (esp MIL) insecurities. They feel shit about themselves so want to make you feel bad about yourself.

As for doing the treadmill with the baby on your front that honestly sounds like an accident waiting to happen

Its only been 3 months! And they do say it takes 9 months to put on the weight so you should give yourself 9 months to lose it.

Some people never get back to their pre-pregnancy weight- having babies changes your body. What matters is being healthy and happy.

Your in-laws are shits. It's unfortunate but it's a fact of life and you need to ignore them. Some people are just rude, nasty and unkind.

I hope this gives you a laugh: my mum walked in the hospital room the day I had given birth and said "Why are you still so fat, the baby has been born?!". Some people are just idiots, ignore, ignore, ingore.

Tell them to fuck the fuck off, and when they get there, to fuck off some more!

I lost loads very quickly with BF, sadly after another baby in quick succession, I think I'm probably as heavy as when I was about to give birth!!

(I still have SPD which does make a lot of exercise difficult, tbh. BUT, I do eat and drink a lot of the wrong things. I KNOW that.)

I have photos of myself on the fridge to try and encourage me, but it's like looking at a totally different person. I'm sure my DH would love the size 12 wife he married, but he has never said a word, and he wouldn't dream of it. It would only make me dig my heels in, as I'm stubborn.

I would turn somersaults if I was a size 12!! I appreciate it seems a bit bigger to you, as you were a 6. However, your body has done and is continuing to do a wonderful job.

YANBU. Your baby is your priority. tell them all to FUCK OFF!!!!!!! (makes me mad! No it hasn't touched a nerve as nobody has ever said a thing to me, but I just don't think anyone should comment on someone else's weight, unless a doctor etc, in a health-giving capacity.)

Just want to add, I'm not blaming my DC for my weight, just had 2 C-sections in 18months and DS2 was born before I turned 40. I'm no spring chicken haha!! I wouldn't trade my DC for the body I had before, though it would be nice to see a glimmer of it.

I will flick that switch in my head at some point!

I thought you were going to say it was 3 YEARS not months post baby. And a C section. They are being thoughtless and reasonable. Take it at your own pace and you will be fine.

The baby weight dropped off me after having DS. I was so thrilled I didn't eat as much as I should to be feeding him and he ended up on a bottle much earlier than I wanted. So, you nurture yourself and your baby. It is a special time and they are just horrid.

They sound like incredibly superficial people. What cunts!

Your in laws have been very rude.

I would say 'No! I am not back to size 6 and I might not be for a while, I have just moved house and given birth via csection, which is a major surgery, and I am happy spending time cuddling my baby. I don't want to go to the gym so I am not. Size 12 is not big anyway!

Practice saying this kind of thing for the next month or so until they come back.

Filling your kitchen cupboards full of donuts and cookies and eating them noisily saying mmmmmmmmmmm near your in laws also be recommended

YANBU. What a bunch of insensitive idiots. Why people find it appropriate to comment on women's bodies I'll never know. What on earth has your weight/size got to do with these people?!