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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect a thank you card for wedding cash gift?!

91 replies

BlueMoon74 · 18/07/2012 19:24

Gave a cheque of £50 to an old family friend for their wedding (we didn't actually get invited to the wedding due to the size of their immediate family) This was 6+ weeks ago. I hadn't heard anything so was worried that they hadn't received it. Just checked online and the cheque was cashed the day after their wedding!

I think it's really rude that they haven't phoned or sent a card to say thank you! £50 is a lot of money to anyone, but we have a baby on the way, and £50 is a LOT of money to us! They've taken the time to cash it - surely they could have taken the time to say thank you?

Would I be being unreasonable to drop her a message on FB to ask did she receive it? How would I even word such a message?! Or do I just accept that she's cashed it and moved on?

I feel really annoyed if I'm honest! Maybe I"m being unreasonable?!

OP posts:

Saffyz · 18/09/2013 20:41

Just ask politely if they received it or have chosen something nice with it yet. This should prompt a thank you, or a "yes, we sent thank you cards 3 weeks ago, did yours not arrive?"

HatieKokpins · 18/09/2013 21:01

Bitter much, bearbehind? If you're going to quote from other threads, then at least quote directly, lovey.

wowfudge · 18/09/2013 22:52

Some people are just plain rude. Sometimes you just have to prioritise your time and do the right, i.e. polite, thing. As for there being some unwritten rule that you have up to a year to say thank you for a wedding gift...give me strength. If someone has given you a gift, you should thank them promptly.

Still waiting for even a word of thanks from a friend who got married 5 years ago. I just think that kind of thing speaks volumes about a person. I clearly didn't give them enough money to merit a simple 'thank you'!

Xmasbaby11 · 18/09/2013 22:58

6 weeks is not long. I think we sent ours out between 2-3 months as we had cards printed with wedding photo on. I wrote a personal note in each one. Same with baby present thank yous. So although I agree the acknowledgement is important and expected, YABU.

samuraispider · 18/09/2013 23:10

6 weeks?! Are you the thank you letter writing police?

How many guests were at the wedding? Do the bride and groom work full time?

We moved house a couple of days after coming back from our honeymoon. We were both working full time and my Dad was terminally ill. It took me several months to get all the thank you cards out. It certainly wasn't for the lack of trying!

In an ideal world you would receive a thank you letter within the week but life doesn't work like that...

Bearbehind · 19/09/2013 07:32

I wasn't quoting directly hatie but please feel free to point out any way in which my paraphrasing failed to convey the sentiments expressed on that thread.

Also, why would I be bitter about it, lovey? This is another thread (albeit a zombie one) where my opinion is in line with the majority.

In your position I would be feeling, if not bitter, at least embarrassed, given the ratio of divided opinion on here, that your (and I will quote you directly this time) attitude of:-

Mine took three months. I'm not apologising - it took me an entire year to plan the fucking thing, and I wanted to not think about it for a while. If you only give gifts just to get something back in return (even if it's a bloody card), then you need to have a word with yourself. A gift, freely given, doesn't come with obligations.

is very likely to have pissed off at least some of your guests.

Bosgrove · 19/09/2013 11:46

I am still waiting for a thank you the money I gave a friend at her wedding 7 years ago. I have stopped sending gifts to her and her children as I never hear anything back from them.

MotherofDragons82 · 19/09/2013 12:04

It's just bloody rude not to send out thank you letters within a few weeks. And I don't get the "busy" argument - you were free enough to organise a wedding and send out invitations (and probably a gift list), right?

I was pregnant and working full time when I got married. Had a week off for a honeymoon and was back in work the week after. I wrote my thank you notes within a week, did about 10 per night for a few nights.

IMO, if someone's gone to the effort to get you a gift - and presumably also spend a lot of cash bothering to attend your wedding - the least you can do is thank them for it in a reasonable timeframe.
And reasonable is within six weeks. If it takes longer than that for pictures or whatever, send the thank you notes without bloody official pictures that nobody really cares about anyway.

MotherofDragons82 · 19/09/2013 12:06

Oh, and BlueMoon, YANBU. Send her a facebook message, hopefully she'll realise how rude she's been!

SugarMiceInTheRain · 19/09/2013 12:11

I was mortified to discover over a year after our wedding that my mother hadn't actually distributed our thank you notes like she said she would (majority of wedding guests were local to her, so she kindly offered to save us postage). I wrote them, but most of the intended recipients didn't receive them .

mrstigs · 19/09/2013 12:43

Am i the only one who worries when they see threads like this? I was only 22 when i got married, i had a 6month old baby, and id never really been to any weddings before. i was doing it all on my own really so i was figuring it out as i went along. I think i did thank you cards, but i don't remember doing them in detail like you guys do so maybe i didn't know about them at all! Makes me feel that i may have offended all my lovely guests with my ignorance. 8 years is a bit too long ago to do them now if i didn't then.

Anyway, as someone now who knows about them, i would send them within a month i reckon. It really wouldnt take long once you made them a priority, and if someone can spend all day celebrating your wedding with you, you can spare ten minutes in return letting them know you appreciated it.
Hope you have received your thank you by now op.

Gruntfuttock · 19/09/2013 12:52

SugarMiceInTheRain, presumably you asked you mother why she didn't distribute the thank you cards, so what did she say? I would have been furious in your position.

crypes · 19/09/2013 12:56

My experience nowadays of not getting a 'Thankyou' for a gift is that the 'receiptiants' arn't that bothered with receiving a gift or not which explains the lack of appreciation. So now I never send money unless it's really close family who I know I see regularly and I am really fond of.

DiddyLady · 19/09/2013 13:01

My niece got married in late June in a massive £20,000 plus wedding. We gave a cheque for £100 which was cashed two days later. I've was griping for 6 weeks after the wedding at how rude the couple were for not sending thank you cards.
Two weeks ago they split up, it's all over for good so don't suppose we'll be getting anything now.

SusanneLinder · 19/09/2013 13:04

My aunt got annoyed with my daughter as she hadnt sent a thank you card-TWO WEEKS after the wedding, even though she thanked her on the day[ hmm].

It was a couple of months before she got them all out because she was sending personal handwritten ones with a wedding photo on it.

Tip-send thank you cards to older rellies first! :o

EvenBetter · 19/09/2013 13:32

ZOMBIE THREAD

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