To assume people are not vegetarian unless they say they are?

[olimpia]

My DS' party last week. I didn't have time to collect preferences for meals because I organised the party 10 days in advance and the swimming pool needed to know 7 days before the party. So I gave the invitations to my DS to hand to his friends at school and I didn't enquire into vegetarian or other dietary restrictions. I simply arranged for all the children to have a hot dog. I assumed the parents would tell me if their children were vegetarian at the time of letting me know I'd they were coming.
Turns out one little girl was vegetarian and I felt awful she could not have the food.

I'd say it's best practice to provide a vegetarian option

Was there no other choice?

I wouldn't assume vegetarian either but I'd be worried about a few of them not being able to eat pork as there are quite a few muslims in my DS's class...so would have had a chicken alternative I think.

Not that it helps the veggie child but I think her parents should have told you.

Hmmm, our family is all veggie and I wouldn't expect people to provide a veggie option automatically. I always mention it.

Both of you were BU.

You should've asked, but the other parents should've told.

How old is your DS? I would think a teenager would be able to answer for themselves, but a seven-year-old might not?

I would expect people to say, but, like others, I'd not do a single option as that doesn't account for all kinds of things (culture, veggie, allergies, religion, fussiness). I'm all for an easy life, but would have had lots of cakes and other rubbish to fill them up even if they didn't eat the hot-dog. After all, party food isn't generally a meal.

No I wouldn't have thought of this at all, arranging children's parties are a pita anyway.

How were you supposed to know, what next cosha and halal option?? If parents have a special preference then they should say.

Still I would have got dh to nip out and buy her something.

I could have chosen pizza (vegetarian option) or hotdog. I thought about ordering a number of veggie options just in case but then I pictured the scene of chaos when the food arrived and all the children would be fighting on who gets what. I did think about it but decided that the parents would let me know if they required vegetarian. Wrong!

Unfortunately it was either or. They only got a plate full each. No other food sad]
The children were 8 or 9 years old.

f that at 8 or 9 you are a veggie because your mum or dad says so, its not the kids choice. if hot dogs are the meal let them have a hot dog!

Because we are veggie we always have a veggie option and I would always ask for preferences on the invite.

But if I had an invite and the food options werent mentioned I would let person organising know when I gave acceptance.

If no one asked me for prefs. and I hadnt told anyone then it would be my fault not the person organising but this would never happen as always tell people

But 10 days in advance is a bit late to be organising birthday party - you risk all sorts of problems not least your DCs current 'BFF' having already made other plans and therefore 'ruining the whole thing'

Hmm, going against the grain here, but I have never told a party host that dd doesn't eat meat - and I've never been to a party where there was nothing for her to eat! However, we're in a very diverse area where lots of the kids can't eat certain things, so most people just cater accordingly.

I would always tell hosts about dietary restrictions before a playdate, but at a party for lots of kids, I'd just assume they would have it covered. I'd be surprised if it turned out that they didn't, but it would be no big deal.

Oddly enough, I somehow know the dietary requirements of most of dd's class, so it's easy for us to plan around these if we're catering for kids en masse. However, if catering for a group I didn't know, I would always want to have several options available.

Cannot believe somebody days it's not the child's choice at 8 or 9, I have always been veggie, from the age if say 5 I knew what was involved in meat and decided against it. Without any pressure from my parents, they simply told me the truth in an easy to understand manner. Hated when people had the above opinion when I was a child.
My parents always told others before parties, even offering to provide something if needed (Mcdonalds parties the big trend when I was little- lots of veggie burgers provided my mum) and I will do the same with Dd.
Bet you feel bad, but probably not as bad as the parents who diddnt tell you, so try not to worry

*says

Why was there only one option of what to eat? Every party my dc has gone to they pick what they want when they arrive at the party. Maybe the mum thought this too so didnt feel the need to tell you.

DS isn't veggie in theory but he is pretty much in practice. He wouldn't eat a hotdog either but I wouldn't care at all :)

f that at 8 or 9 you are a veggie because your mum or dad says so, its not the kids choice. if hot dogs are the meal let them have a hot dog!

Not necessarily so. We are not veggie as we eat fish, but we don't have any meat at home at all. DH and I are both lapsed veggies who avoid meat out of habit more than anything. We have always said to dd that we'd be happy for her to eat meat outside the home, but she is quite militant about not eating it, and wants to stop eating fish as well. She is 7. There is no way you'd persuade her to eat a hot dog!

But even if it was the parents' choice for the child to be veggie, are you really suggesting that you would disrespect that? I hope not!

msrantsalot I was a vegetarian at 4 though my family are massive meat eaters I'm a disappointment I have never liked the taste/texture of meat. So I'm not sure why being a vegetarian at 8 automatically means that the parents must have forced the decision onto their child

At 8 or 9 it could just as easily be the child's choice as not, they are old enough to have an opinion by that point. Some kids do feel strongly about this even at a young age.

OP: no I wouldn't assume someone is veggie automatically (I tell people I'm veggie in advance if food is involved and we don't know each other well). Though in your situation I would have probably gone for the pizza option just in case. It's easy to say that with hindsight though!

I can see the other mums POV though because it is pretty unusual for there to be a party where there is literally only one type of food available. There is normally a load of cake/biscuits if nothing else.

I'd just put it behind you, it's more the other mums fault for not letting you know anyway and there is nothing that can be done now in any case.

thats my point, Jinsei, if dd wanted a hot dog she could have one, but if she was really a veggie at that age would say no.

My Dad was veggie from birth, he used to spit meat out as a baby and refused to eat meat his entire life.

So both of you were yabu really.

And if the child didn't decline, you think it would be ok to disregard the wishes of the parents?

@without caution, same answer if dd is a true veggie would say no to hot dog, so thats fine. If just a veggie cos parents want her to be, then she might want a hot dog. What I am trying to say is that age 8 is a reasonable time to be choosing meat or veggie for oneself.

Yes 100% Jinsei, If child wanted meat at age 8 i would say that was an informed decision and child should have meat if desired.

But it isn't your place to be deciding that for someone else's child, msrantsalot.