To assume people are not vegetarian unless they say they are?

[olimpia]

My DS' party last week. I didn't have time to collect preferences for meals because I organised the party 10 days in advance and the swimming pool needed to know 7 days before the party. So I gave the invitations to my DS to hand to his friends at school and I didn't enquire into vegetarian or other dietary restrictions. I simply arranged for all the children to have a hot dog. I assumed the parents would tell me if their children were vegetarian at the time of letting me know I'd they were coming.
Turns out one little girl was vegetarian and I felt awful she could not have the food.

YABU I would have made sure there was another option available.

The whole thing was a bit shambolic TBH. After one hour in the pool, a small plate with one hot dog and some hips wasn't enough and some children asked if there was more . I couldn't believe that there was nothing else to eat either, it was literally what was on the plate and nothing more.

I would never have hot dogs as the meal if the choice was hot dogs or veggie pizza then I would have gone for pizza as half of my ds class don't eat pork or meat or a combination of both and I couldn't be arsed to police it.

no its not for me to be deciding, its for the child to decide. At age 8 they would be able to decide for themselves

There was also another problem!
One of the mums decided to stand and watch with her two younger boys (her DD had been invited). She didn't help out at all and could have just as easily waited downstairs in the cafeteria with all the other parents. Instead she just stood there and the two young children (possibly 3 and 5) just looked so miserable. DH felt sorry for them and told her that her DSs could at least sit down at the table. I was very worried that they would get the food when it arrived so I said to her that they could sit down but there would not be enough food for everyone. She said thank you and not to worry, she would get them to get up when the food arrived. When the tiny portions of food finally arrived it was chaos and the two boys were given food which they didn't refuse! Nor did their mum asked them to get up like she said she would! So basically in the end there were another 3 children left with no food!
We did run down to the cafeteria to get something to give them but the whole thing was a disaster.

well lesson learned i guess. next time hire a hall, our local costs £7 per hour, do a mixed buffet let then help themselves.

Mrsrants: you do realise that if a child has berg raised veggie then allowing them to east a got dog could potentially make them ill? It doesn't happen to everyone (and I know my fair share of veggies who've decided to eat a burger one day!) But it can happen!
I have been one since I was five from personal choice and have had a few problems over the years thanks to fish products!

Yabu op, you shouldn't assume as there will always be one who expects there to be choice! Veggie or not! Though the family should have mentioned it so they are unreasonable too.

Bloody predictive text. Has been raised veggie then allowing them to eat meat...

I wouldn't have mentioned my dcs being veggie unless asked. I would have thought that would be extra pressure on you and I'd assume my dcs would eat the other junk like cake and lollies if they went to a party and I'd assume if there were "meals" they would be as well as junk and I'd assume there would be hot chips... I guess I assume too much but so far this has never come up. I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure the kid doesn't care.

the point I am making is that aged 8 if they have been reaised to be veggie they will stick to that, unless they really dont want to be, in which case they should be allowed to make their own choices. lets be honest how much meat does a hot dog contain?

My DD chooses not to eat meat. She doesn't like it. I don't force it on her.

I would say enquire on invites, so if you aren't told you aren't responsible as you asked, it is what I did.

msrantsalot - oh dear!
Yup, a hot dog doesn't contain any meat as such, but it does contain animal products.

You are so wrong in your notion that it is ok to give a child a meat product - so wrong. A bit of respect for other people choices wouldn't go amiss.
An 8 yr old may well take the hot dog from another adult because they may trust that adult. They may thing it is a veggie hot dog. They may eat it out of embarrassment. It could make them ill. If it their wish or their parent's wish that they are veggie then that is that! It is NOT for someone like you to think you know better.

I wouldnt worry re veggie option. I always inform hosts. Put it down to experience!

mrsrant I'm pretty at your views on this. At 8 some kids might be worried about offending adults, embarrassing themselves etc. It is not my child's choice at this age. And it is definitely the parents' decision when to offer the choice - not another adult's.

Frankly, if I knew that an adult had encouraged my child to eat meat, or had knowingly given meat, I would consider this a form of assault. I would not overlook it.

Clearly this is not the case with OP.

DH and I are vegetarian (I've been for 32 years, DH for 26 years)
Our DC are not vegetarian, mainly because it's their choice to make (I was 14 and I felt it was the right choice), And I did worry that they might be in a situation where they might be tempted and overdo it.
It does make you ill, I was really unwell after eating a soup (that I was told was ok)

And WRT "how much meat does a hotdog contain?"

I don't drink alcohol (not never never but very rarely, last time 2+ years ago)
If someone gave me booze against my knowledge I'd be miffed

I agree to a certain extent, it should be the childs choice, however that is not for you to decide on a childs whim. It's up to the parent to talk it through with them whether you agree with that or not.

I'd be extremely pissed off if somebody knowingly gave a child meat if it could potentially cause them harm, it has to be done I'm a controlled manner over a period of time so that the gut can reaquaint itself to it.
You're incredibly cruel if you think it's okay to just let them get on with it. from about a year after giving up fish if I accidentally consumed it, depending on the amounts I could be in agony for days. Even the smallest amounts will give me gut grief fire at least twenty for hours. I could not put a child in that position.

I use fish as an example as I have accidentally had fish/oyster sauce and traces of it often over the years thanks to chinese restaurants and dodgy take aways! I've never experienced accidentally eating meat products.

YABU to assume people are not vegetarians unless they state otherwise, you should have asked. If I was unaware of people's dietary needs I would have ordered a few other options just in case, however I am a vegetarian so I may be bias my kids on the other hand are not!! Bloody carnivores!!

"If that at 8 or 9 you are a veggie because your mum or dad says so, its not the kids choice."

Erm, if your child eats meat, that is also a choice you have made as a parent, not one made by the child, and it's a morally loaded choice in a way a veggie diet isn't. We all choose how to feed our kids. Many veggies feel eating meat is morally indefensible, so why on earth would they feed their kids it? That's no different to choosing to feed meat. Just because, in this particular culture, it is the norm doesn't make it any less a choice. (Though it does IMO put the onus on the parent to advise hosts of a party, given it isn't the majority diet.)

And we eat meat in this house, I may add. Because we have chosen to.

If a child doesn't eat meat and they are offered meat, chances are they won't want to eat it. My DS is not yet 4 and he knows what meat is, and wouldn't eat it mainly because he is fussy but the point is, if the 8 yo had wanted to eat a hotdog that's one thing, but this 8yo didn't.

Should say I'd never send DS to a party on his own without saying he was veggie first.

Meandmrs 'lets be honest, how much meat does a hot dog contain?'
You obviously have no understanding, and as a result probably little respect, of many people's reasons for being vegetarian to make a comment like this. I think this explains your views on this subject.

I agree with you perfect storm. Eating meat is also a value system that people 'impose' on their child. We all bring children up in our own value systems. It would be impossible and undesirable to bring a kid up in a value free environment. It seems to me that the thing to do is to accept other parent's choices.

It was up to the parents to tell you. At least they should know, from now on, that it is up to them to mention it. If you have any special diet, e.g. Gluten free it is up to you to say so.

Parents responsibility to tell. Otherwise give the kid a hot dog or let her starve.

Simple as that.

For a party I would probably cater for them just in case. If I was having people to a dinner party or something I would expect to be told.

And reading comments from militant veggies on thread saying offering their child meat is assault, I'd be inclined to torture their children with the temptation of bacon butties just to wind the precious parents up...

Its not assault. It might be insensitive or rude but its not assault.

Er, I am flabbergasted that 10days is considered short notice for a kids party, and that people actually ask about food preferences. What is the world coming to? Hotdog and chips? Easy just eat the fucking chips if you are veggie.