to judge?

[MrsHuxtable]

I have this friend, well I work with her. We had our children within a couple of months of each other and her DS is now about 3 months old. I get really annoyed with her FB updates.

Firstly, and I guess this plays a lot into my annoyance, I know (because she told me) how her DS was conceived.
She met this guy 1.5 years ago and got together with him because he has money. No love involved, pure calculation. She already has one DD from a one-night stand. Anyway, from the first night, this new guy and her were not using any contraception (I don't think he was aware of this) and she clearly stated to me that she is trying to get pregnant so he marries her. After spending a weekend away with her and her DD, the guy asked her to please make sure she takes her pill regularly because he realised what it's like with a child 24/7 and he doesn't want a baby with her. Well, she didn't and sure enough got pregnant eventually. As agreed, they got engaged a week before the baby was born but no wedding is planned yet.

What annoys me more than this though is the fact, that the poor baby is getting passed around like an unwanted dog. She doesn't bf because it's too much hassle and from the day the baby was born, every day there are pictures on FB with some random (well, not really, but to the baby random) person giving the bottle. Since the baby was a few weeks old, they have also been going away for weekends a lot with the baby staying at grandparents and aunties houses. Last week, they were away for over a week abroad (also without baby) and since she's been back, she posted pictures of herself every single day being out with some friends in different cities while some other girls from our work have her baby. Not a single week has gone by, where I have not seen pictures of her DC on FB taken by some or another person watching this child while she is doing god knows what.

I get that some people have to give their babies into childcare because they have to work. But in that case, there is a trusted and familiar nanny, a childminder or keyworker in nursery.
But, this girl is on maternity leave. And instead of one person, her baby is just being cared for by whoever has time.

I can't help but judge her. Maybe because our children are so close in age and I see how differently my DC is being looked after.

AIBU?

thebest, I find that last post to me argumentative and just plain spiteful. Clearly whatever I say you will have an unpleasant response to it.

Ok, I'm going against the grain her but.. Yanbu to judge how you rate her parenting. If people were honest we all judge others to an extent, some we may judge as very good others not so. And I know for a fact that I will look at a patenting choice someone has made, and I'll apply it to my situation and how I might deal with it.

In the situation you described, I'd feel a bit for the baby. It sounds like the mum may have more going on. I'd be grateful for the bond I had with my dc. I'd perhaps try and be a friend and meet up with babies as she may not have that opportunity.

Re the whole connection I might at the shenanigans but her their life and a baby is always precious.

LadyClarice.
I was just responding to a very spiky remark made against me by you.
I'm happy to draw a line under it and offer an olive branch if you're happy to accept it

YANBU. Research has shown attachment to a primary caregiver to be very, very important. I could list dozens of studies that have found this.

Totally agree with Narmada. Why are we supposed to pretend we never judge anything? We all do it.

I think I read somewhere bottle fed babies should ideally be fed by the mother only or father also at a push for a while, to form secure attachments. Getting passed round lots of people isn't ideal.

thebest, sure!

bigkids Yes, I keep reading that as well. That if you bootle feed, you should still try to re-create a breastfeeding atmosphere as much as possible as for a little baby, feeding time equals prime bonding time. It's where they get all their nourishment from so the feeder turns into the most important and trusted person. It's not just about clinically getting calories into their bodies so they stay alive.

I will distance myself even more from the people concerned because sadly, and I know it's my biggest weakness, I let things like that bother me too much.