to think that it is good manners when given anything to say thank you?

[DrSeuss]

Surely it's a reflex when anything is placed in your hand or on the table in front of you? Today I fed my Y7 Spanish class various Spanish bits and pieces. I had three of them pass out the food at a table while the rest came up in groups to be served. I gave out seconds myself to those who wanted them.

I didn't do it for the thanks, I did it for them to have the experience as many have never been to Spain and those that have have tended to eat pizza and chips while there. However, at the end of the session, it occurred to me that not once had I heard the words "Thank you" addressed to myself or the kids serving the food. Is this normal these days? Surely not?

I always make my 2 year old say thank you whenever he is given anything. I hate bad manners.

Of course you are right. I work in a school, and sadly it isn't a reflex in the way I would sincerely hope it would be. The majority do not say thankyou if a door is held open for them, for instance. Sometimes the same child would thank you if you gave them something. So sometimes it's self-absorbtion rather than lack of gratitude.

My own children are normally good at saying please and thanks (I get to spy on them)- to others if not to me.

YANBU - it should be a reflex.

Even if a toddler is handing you the ham out of their half-eaten sandwich.

YANBU.

This is close to my heart today. I gave a work colleague a bottle of champagne for her birthday - I don't know her well, but knew she had a significant birthday coming up so bought it, wrapped it etc. She said 'I don't like champagne so I hope you don't mind if I give it to someone else'. Fair enough that she doesn't like champagne, fair enough that she planned on giving it to someone else, but no need to tell me surely?? And a 'thank you' would've been very welcome.

OMG aduecalione

The only people I can think of who would think that it was OK to say that would be those with social communication disorder - ASD. Someone who doesn't understand that in order to lubricate the wheels socially you have to "pretend" a bit

at your misery of a colleague adeucalione - how rude and unecessary about a gift!

Dr Seuss - sadly quite a few kids today don't seem to have been taught manners. But many have too.

I always say "What do you say?" if pupils don't say please or thank you.

Me too. I never let it go - with my own or other children. Or adults for that matter - a sarky " you're welcome" ......

Some people are really rude. OP, I'm a teacher and have brought treats to class, but never hear anyone say thank you so I don't bring them in. And I know someone here will say, "You don't buy a present to be thanked" and of course you don't, but you don't buy a present to receive no thanks, either.

As for the champagne, that is incredibly rude and of course she shouldn't have said a thing.

That is awful. What a rude person. Perhaps she is a bit suspicious of you and thinks you may be begging friendship? Some people go through their lives not having anything nice done for them and some times it shows because they dont know how to recieve and just say thanks.

crypes - you are right. I have met some people like that. Narky, defensive, unable to be grateful because gratitude makes them feel weak.

... it's really sad

YANBU, it really should be a reflex.

We were laughing the other day because my DS3 (9yrs) saw the advert for the new I.Phone where they talk to it and say things like "What time is it in Australia" or "When is the next train due?"

He said if we all had one, we'd have to add the word 'please' on to the end of the command

YANBU You may not buy a present to be thanked but it's good manners to say thank you when someone gives you something or does something nice for you.

I've noticed that people no longer say "Excuse me please" like I was taught to, and most people did in the 1970's. "Excuse me" now seems to be the norm, and whilst it's not exactly rude, it feels a bit rude to me.

I don't like 'excuse me' without 'please' - that's just a direction rather than a request, isn't it?

YANBU. My 5yo is rubbish at saying thank you and I have to prompt him half the time. My 2yo on the other hand is super-polite and usually expands on a simple 'thank you' by saying something super-cute like 'thank you mummy I LOVE these' which tickles me every time!

My boss said "S'cuse." I looked deliberately blank until he said, "Excuse me, please."

Good manners cost nothing and can take you far!
I can't believe that woman was so rude about the champagne - say thank you, then regift it when you get home!

I work with children and when handing out food and biscuits i always hold on to it until the child says 'Thank you' It normally works.
I remember one little boy who snatched the biscuit out of my hand but only got half of it as i didn't let go.
'What do you say?' I prompted him, as we each had half a biscuit in our hands.
'give my me MY biscuit' he shouted at me
I didn't give him the rest of it

My nephews and niece never say please and thank you until you drag it out of them. They also say "I want" instead of "Please can I have" which drives me insane.
It sounds so wrong not to have please and thank you on the end that I always, always pick them up on it. They look at me like and their mother sort of smirks and rolls her eyes. RUDE!

Worse than 'excuse me' though is when one member of a party is all over the place, or on a scooter, or slower than the others, and you are maybe about to overtake, and the others dramatically grab the slow one, or call to him/her 'Mind yer back!'

I often ask "Now how could you say that in a more polite way?"

Manners cost nothing. I do think sometimes 'thank you' can be implied by tone of voice but there are certain situations where the actual words are said.

In my school we often joke that most children say thank you when given punishments. It is such a reflex for them to thank you that they can't not when you hand them something.

However, I once bought sweets for a class at the end of term. It was a tin of Quality Street which was put in the middle of the room. All it took in amongst all the thanks was one boy saying "so where's the proper sweets". He was mortified when I told him how rude that was. I don't take sweets anymore - not because of that but because I think it's unfair to feed kids sweets.

Yesterday I stood to the side to let a lady through in a supermarket. She looked over my shoulder completely while her young daughter said thank you.

Previously, when walking into a shopping centre, a boy held the door open for several adults lastly me. I turned and said "thank you very much" he was so delighted to be thanked he ran and told him mum. How awful that he wasn't thanked by any other adult!

The champagne story is horrendous! As is the 'MY' biscuit one

I say thank you to Siri

But it does reply with stuff like 'I am here to serve' or 'my pleasure'

Surely it should have been gracias? And a gentle reminder of what to say when served in Spain.

I too hold on to things, take them back or say "there's some words/a word missing from that". DH and I have been almost fanatical about it, but we also make sure that we say please and thank you to DD too - I am aghast at the number of times children are addressed by adults without using basic courtesy and yet those same adults grumble about the child's lack of manners.