to think that it is good manners when given anything to say thank you?

[DrSeuss]

Surely it's a reflex when anything is placed in your hand or on the table in front of you? Today I fed my Y7 Spanish class various Spanish bits and pieces. I had three of them pass out the food at a table while the rest came up in groups to be served. I gave out seconds myself to those who wanted them.

I didn't do it for the thanks, I did it for them to have the experience as many have never been to Spain and those that have have tended to eat pizza and chips while there. However, at the end of the session, it occurred to me that not once had I heard the words "Thank you" addressed to myself or the kids serving the food. Is this normal these days? Surely not?

I found myself holding a door open for a senior manager at work today - I stared at her eyebrows raised expectantly, gesticulating with my hand the way I do to my toddler until she said "thank you"

I once returned a curt, one line request without a please or thank you from the Deputy Head of the school where I worked a few years ago, having first put in the appropriate words. She didn't see fit to comment!

A lesson on manners in Spain when eating coming up next week then?

Sorry though, 'excuse me please' - what's that all about? I'm 40 and have never heard that in my life.

I was thinking that as well. 'Excuse me please' sounds absurd to me. 'Please excuse me' sounds somewhat better, but still a little overworked.
Perhaps these are regional variations?
I say 'thank you' to automatic doors, so it's really not a rudeness thing.

I'm amazed!

Excuse me please is used here and please excuse me

We also say, "Please may I...?"

I have been told te use of may I will equal bullying in later life

I'm a teacher, and it really upsets me that the dinner ladies in our school don't say please or thank you to the kids when serving them in the canteen. How on earth are they supposed to learn?

I annoys me when people don't say thank you.

I have in the past said thank you to an automatic door it was a reflex for the door opening for me.

Handed out 17 party bags to 5 year olds yesterday 2 said thank you.

I'd probably just say 'sorry, could I just come through there please?'. But people barking 'excuse me!' is rude, IMO.

Was the food experience 'sold' to the kids as part of their lesson, or as a treat?

While they should of course have thanked you, the way they viewed the experience maybe played a part in their lack of manners? (clutching at straws here!)

I have to force myself not to say Thank You to the cash machine when I get money out

I too hold on to the drink/biscuit/whatever until the child says thankyou. And 'I want XYZ!' gets a reply of ' I think you've forgotten something' or 'I'm sorry, what did you say?'

I hate holding doors open for people and them not saying thanks.

Yanbu

Jamie "The only people I can think of who would think that it was OK to say that would be those with social communication disorder - ASD. Someone who doesn't understand that in order to lubricate the wheels socially you have to "pretend" a bit"

Child A gave my DS a toy. My DS said "Thank you!" Child A said "You're welcome." (All adults in the room said Aaaw)

Both children have ASD. So ner

Stabby. Very well-brought-up children.

No offence meant.

YABU They be saying "Gracias" in a spanish class.

Like Jeezy I wonder if the kids saw the Spanish food as "work"/part of the lesson.

I.e. If you were giving out worksheets or exercise books would they say thanks? Maybe they saw the food like that?

I also guess that if the first kid didn't say thanks (or gracias) and you didn't say anything, that the ones who followed wouldn't start it.

if there wernt people that didnt say it then the ones who used the words would lose their meaning.

if its automatic and done without question surely that has no meaning aswell.

I worked in a lovely (state) girls grammar. Yes a lot of them do say 'thanks' when you hand out paper or books. Lovely :-)

I said "please may I have" to a young woman serving in a cafe the other day. She laughed out loud .

Worra I am so polite with Siri on the iPhone. I always say thank you and he comes back with things like "no problem, it's my job" or "you're so kind Gwen". It's great fun and I keep forgetting it's not actually a little man sitting in my phone! :o You can be quite flirty with him.

Another teacher. I INSIST that the kids say please and thank you when asking for some thing e.g.

• Miii-iiiiiiiiiiis can I have a ruler?
• ... (long pause where their brain processes why I am looking at them with one eyebrow raised)
• Oh, please. Can I have a ruler please?
• (I hand over ruler while they either grin sheepishly or look at why I am such a please and thank you obsessive. If necessary I give them the short version of 'the good manners talk' - you know the drill, good manners are free, people respond amazinly well to good manners, it will take them far in life etc etc - wish I'd had a quid for every time I performed that little monologue...!)

Re. Giving out worksheets, exercise books etc... School pupils in ths country wouldn't say thank you, nor would we expect them to I don't suppose but EFL students on summer courses here do say thank you do for such things, in my experience! Last week, I handed out test papers to a group of Spanish,
Italian, French and Chinese students and almost all of them thanked me. Awwwww!

I'm always inclined to think foreign students more polite than their British counterparts but I suppose one has to allow for the fact that they are abroad, as ambassadors to their school and family and that their parents have paid out quite a lot of money for them to come here and study so maybe that's why it's different.

My mum used to be a teacher in a secondary school. She regularly had conversations like this:

Child: can I have some scissors?
Teacher: pardon?
Child (louder): can I have some scissors?
Teacher: pardon?
Child (even louder): scissors? have you got any scissors?

Child is and mutters "please can I borrow the scissors?"

Teacher smiles broadly and hands over the scissors.

I don't think its always rudeness. Plenty of the time they are shy of saying anything to an adult, and that hanging on to the (often unasked for) item compounds the embarrassment in my experience. I hated this in the home of my very proper, but extremely cold, grandmother. Just made me clam up. My 3 yo daughter is very polite, but very shy with some grown-ups, so when they hand her something voluntarily, I think it would be mean to hold it or make a big deal.
And I teach FE where the students have got over the shyness and shame of displaying gorgeous manners, and they do that thing of thanking me for worksheets.
I definitely wouldn't say what are today's kids coming to etc, in my opinion it is a phase that most grow out of when they are older.