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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be baffled by DH's school run issues

60 replies

toysoldiers · 15/07/2012 22:10

Bit of a rant.

DH has a real issue with doing the school run, which drives me insane.

But I'd background. He works full time, I work freelance, part time which I try to fit in around the DC as much as possible.

Sometimes though, I have to travel for the day etc and need him to sort the kids out. It is always a MASSIVE issue. He always tries to find reasons why he can't, it's unreasonable etc.

On Mondays, he works from home. However, he says he has important reports etc so cannot ever do school run, despite being able to be back at his desk by 9am.

Tomorrow, I have to leave house at 7:30. He can't do school run so a friend says she would have children from 7:15.

DH has now said he will take them to hers at 8 but is ranting and raving about how unfair I'm being on the children (for wanting to get them up half an hour early) or him for, as a result, forcing him to take them.

The only other day I could have done would have meant missing DS2's sports day and meeting DS1's new teacher. He says this would have been better and my priorities are all wrong.

I actually can't discuss it with him because he is being so irrational.

He's perfectly happy for me to pay for our holiday though [anger].

Rant over.

OP posts:

PollyGoHome · 15/07/2012 22:13

Leave the bastard.

Seriously though, they are his kids too? He's being very childish.

Original poster

toysoldiers · 15/07/2012 22:15

Thanks

The bit that annoys me most, is when he criticises my 'poor planning'

I pointed ours that he never has poor planning because he never plans at all. He just organises his work - then tells me and I have to revolve around him. Which clearly I am not doing to his liking

OP posts:

Booette · 15/07/2012 22:15

If he's there while you are away then it is up to him to get the kids to school or to find someone else to do it for him. Don't organise it for him, let him get on with it.

He is being very unreasonable.

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2012 22:17

Is there some sort of history?

I'm baffled too.

You don't have to answer, but do you actually make money from your job?

I only ask because I know someone who fannies around all day on a computer, saying she's 'freelancing' but she's never actually earned a penny...it's more of a hobby.

So if that was the case I could understand your DH being miffed at having his work disturbed.

If not then, wtf is his problem?

PenisVanLesbian · 15/07/2012 22:19

You are getting a friend to have your children before school because your husband, their father, is too lazy, incompetent and/or self important to take his own children to school?

The mind boggles.

Original poster

toysoldiers · 15/07/2012 22:20

I earn about 80% of his salary - but only work 2 or 3 days a week.

Tomorrow is not a paid day though, I'm trying to secure a new client and they could only meet first thing. He thinks I should have said no.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 15/07/2012 22:20

he is being a prize twat

mercibucket · 15/07/2012 22:22

Bizarre!

I would never look after someone's kids on that basis - your friend is being very kind.

Tell your dh to pull his finger out and get over himself

mercibucket · 15/07/2012 22:22

Bizarre!

I would never look after someone's kids on that basis - your friend is being very kind.

Tell your dh to pull his finger out and get over himself

DeckSwabber · 15/07/2012 22:22

It sounds like he doesn't take your job/career seriously.

Inertia · 15/07/2012 22:23

He's being ridiculous.

If you are away for work and he is working from home, then he should be doing the school run.

Your priorities are spot on - being able to attend sports day and meet-the-teacher should be higher priority than pandering to your husband's tantrums.

If he has important reports to get in before 9am, he can do them do now to free up the morning to be a parent.

CelticRepublican · 15/07/2012 22:24

What Humphrey said.

This kind of thing makes me rage. you made alternative plans for him because he couldn't be arsed to do the school ruin and he's still whingeing about it?! What a twat.

attheendoftheday · 15/07/2012 22:24

It sounds like he's being very U.

Have you tried to talk to him about his selfish attitude? I'd be making a list of what you each contribute to the house and kids and seeing if it was fair.

If school runs aren't cutting into his work time then you should take turns.

Original poster

toysoldiers · 15/07/2012 22:24

No he doesn't. He didn't when I earnt much more than him either.

It's always been a bit of an issue.

Stupid thing is. Often he will offer to take DS to school in days when I'm NOT working.

OP posts:

Katisha · 15/07/2012 22:25

You have to make him talk about it. Why on earth does he think it's acceptable that you have to get favours from friends for what is not an emergency? Why is he more important than everyone else? Is the school run really so demeaning? He has to talk rationally to you about it.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 15/07/2012 22:27

Maybe he dislikes you working so much he is trying to sabotage you.

Katisha · 15/07/2012 22:27

Just seen your last post. Sounds like he has issues with you working then. Or at least your work impinging on him.

Original poster

toysoldiers · 15/07/2012 22:28

My friend is very kind.

I have told her in the past, and another friend, that they have to stop offering to take DS1 into the playground for him when he does take them, just so he can get off quicker.

OP posts:

bejeezus · 15/07/2012 22:29

WHY won't he do the school run?

Original poster

toysoldiers · 15/07/2012 22:30

I think he does. But we need the money.

His money just about covers our living expenses but mine pays for the holidays, overpaying the mortgage, Christmas, birthdays etc. All of which he actively wants me to do.

Makes no sense.

In almost every other way, he is a great husband/father. This is just a bit of a blind spot.

OP posts:

Yellowtip · 15/07/2012 22:31

I say this with the wisdom of hindsight: your DH is being a self important git. You need to stand your ground before it's too late.

Original poster

toysoldiers · 15/07/2012 22:35

You're right yellowtip. I will do just that

OP posts:

23balloons · 15/07/2012 22:41

My friend's husband hasn't had a regular job since before her dd was born (4 years ago). However, he is on an agency list for supply teaching so she has to pay for nursery while she works full time in case he gets some work. They live rurally and for example, he didn't work at all one year. Her dd is going to school in Sept & she has had to arrange a childminder while he sits at home & plays on the computer.

Last time I visited he refused to look after dd for 30 mins while she took me to the station, even though dd was screaming to stay home. I have no idea why she puts up with it??

Your dh sounds unreasonable & you need to explain they are his children too. Was he keen to have children? My friend's dh wasn't so I think he lays this on her as a guilt trip.

An0therName · 15/07/2012 22:48

so he is working from home and he can't take the DCs to school - thats what 1/2 hour out of his day
YNBU

holyfishnets · 15/07/2012 22:50

Sit him down and explain that from now on he has to do X many drop offs each week and he has to be responsible for it 100%. Lot's of other men manage!

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