To expect DH to do more?

[Sastra]

I feel like I do much more round the house than DH. He does the washing up, but that's about it.

Problem is that he's really messy; if he takes the milk about of the fridge, he doesn't put it back, leaves lids off things, doesn't put rubbish straight in the bin. He leaves yeaterday's clothes on the floor and wet towels too.

We've had conversations about it numerous times and he says he'll try and do better, but nothing changes. He is a bit of a daydreamer and it's as if he zones out and goes into auto pilot.

Things have come to a head as we're moving next sat. We don't have time off during the week, so I really wanted stuff sorted and the majority of stuff packed this weekend (oh, an he's a fucking hoarder so we can't throw anything away without him studying it for 20 minutes first). He knows how stressed I am about getting everything sorted, but tries to reassure me by saying, don't worry, it'll all be fine.

I think what I struggle with is the fact that we clearly have different expectations of what clean and tidy is - I just want the house cleaned every week an the bloody bed made every day, and I'm sick of clearing his stuff up - surely not too much to ask?!

I know I could leave it but he really would do it and id be the one who suffered. He says that he will do stuff and he'll get round to it - but then he gets distracted. So I do it, then he gets pissy and it starts an argument.

I'm at the end of my tether. I'm 25 weeks pregnant and shattered and still nauseous, but instead of helping me pack for the whole yesterday he read the fucking Guardian from cover to cover (he did some packing, but we've hardly made a dent).

:-(

holyfishnets have some common sense at last

Ideally, hire a packing firm to move you. I did this once (my new employer was paying) and it is fantastic.

Otherwise :
Pack your own stuff and label those boxes clearly. Let him scrape his own stuff into boxes. Do not care about his stuff.

Then : In descending order or extremism -

1. Consider having your clearly labelled boxes delivered to your new address and all others to a storage facility. He can go and visit his storage unit and retrieve individual items as he needs and when he has found a permanent designated place for it to be stored (a place for everything, and everything in its place).

-or-

1. All boxes delivered to your new address. You unpack your boxes and leave him to deal with his own. You tell him he has to do it by a particular date (of your choosing) and all still-unpacked boxes remaining after this date will be moved to a storage facility and he can unpack them there and bring items home as per option 1 (above).

-or-

1. All boxes delivered to your new address. You unpack your boxes and leave him to deal with his own. You tell him he has to do it by a particular date (of your choosing) and all still-unpacked boxes remaining after this date will be given to a house-clearance firm that you will randomly pick from the Yellow Pages. Because he obviously doesn't need the contents.

As an aside, this has stiffened my resolve to do a good job with DS (13) this summer, over the school holidays. He has been warned that he will be spending a lot of time with me being trained in how to do every task required to run a household; he is a trainee adult, I am his trainer, and it is my job to ensure he can live independently. He can do quite a lot of the basics (hoover, dust, dishes, simple cooking), but still has to be introduced to the joys of cleaning toilets, floors etc.

WhereYouLeftIt love your ideas, and love what your doing with your DS. My mother trained all my brothers well and they are a well oiled machine, but when things are done for them (cooked dinner on the wkend) they really appreciate.