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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a parent of a young child

155 replies

MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 18:51

should take them to the side when an older person is coming through with a full trolley.
I was coming out of supermarket along narrow walkway pushing my shopping when a father with a small girl (about 6 years) was coming the other way and just stood taking up the whole space so I had to go the side to let them through.

How are children going to learn to consider others when they are being shown that they have more rights than anyone else?
As a child I was constantly being dragged out of the way to let grown ups pass.
This really makes me so angry.
And don't get me started on children taking seats on buses and trains while adults are standing...
What is going on?

OP posts:
CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 14/07/2012 23:23

"children give way to adults"?
oh, I understand now, you're one of those who believe that age implies anything other than, well, age.
YABU

Thymeout · 14/07/2012 23:29

Actually I don't think children have equal rights with adults and if that makes them 'second class citizens', so be it. It gives them an entirely false impression of their importance in the general scheme of things and is at the root of a lot of discipline problems later.

Nothing more annoying than having to stand on the tube because a family has taken up a whole row of seats, instead of the children sitting on their parents' knees.

I'm with you, Muriel.

lovebunny · 14/07/2012 23:32

murieltheactor! oh, my goodness, that brings back memories! 'muriel the actor is laughing'

lovebunny · 14/07/2012 23:33

dancing? it had an ing in it.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 14/07/2012 23:34

Thyme "Actually I don't think children have equal rights with adults" - why? Do you not become human until you can vote? Please do tell us why a human of 17 is less a human than one of 18? Or a human of 3 less human than one of 93?

Original poster
MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 23:37

Thymeout - glad I'm not all alone out there and absolutely agree about the false sense of place in the world. It's part of what makes me so upset.

OP posts:
TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 14/07/2012 23:43

Muriel exactly why are you more important than a child? People are people, why is a 4 year old less important than a 64 year old, please do enlighten us?

Original poster
MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 23:51

Ok well then, I vote, I pay taxes, I contribute to the economy, I have a say in things.
When I was a child i had an innate understanding that it was an adult world and not because my parents were draconian in any way. We all fully participated in family life. I understood that when I was an adult I would be able to make decisions and become part of the world.
Not sure what that makes me in your eyes. I'd love to know.

OP posts:
Rachog · 14/07/2012 23:58

I do often ask my children to let the lady past or move out of the man's way etc, usually because they haven't realised that they are in the way.

I would expect my children to sit on a bus or train though and would happily stand so that someone else's child could sit. It is much safer.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 15/07/2012 00:05

there are plenty of adults, who for one reason or another, do not vote or pay taxes, does that afford them less rights than you aswell.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 15/07/2012 00:05

Muriel a pensioner on basic state pension pays no tax. They vote purely by dint of being over 18, no reference to their contribution to society. Some older people have contributed above and beyond what anyone expects, some have contributed almost nothing (my dad's mum lived to be 99, never, ever worked or paid tax, produced one child, cost the NHS an absolute fortune through over 30 years of extreme poor health ... is she worth more than my 1, 4, or 6 year old??????????????)

Arguments based on having paid tax or the legal loop-hole of having a vote are somewhat arbitrary...

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 15/07/2012 00:10

BTW Muriel although I paid a lot of tax and had full voting rights in the UK, where I am now residen I do not have the right to vote, and although I earn I do not personally have to pay tax (though my husband does) - I'll be standing up on buses and getting out of the way of anyone wearing the "I'm a voter and a tax payer" badge now will I?

May I ask, do we have to get out of the way more swiftly for those who pay more tax? (Milady)

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 15/07/2012 00:11

"I understood that when I was an adult I would be able to make decisions and become part of the world."

my dd is 6 and can make decissions and she is very much part of this world

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 15/07/2012 00:12

and Muriel when you holiday in countries you do not pay tax or vote in, do you regress to child status?

I shall go to bed now as it is very late, but your ideas are clearly ridiculous - people should have good manners and consideration, there is no sliding scale of who should be more important than who...

Goodnight, sleep well, wake up reasonable :)

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 15/07/2012 00:14

oh no > dont get her started on those foreign exchange students...

ilovesooty · 15/07/2012 00:23

my dd is 6 and can make decissions and she is very much part of this world

But she is not yet sufficiently mature to make a range of decisions: her decision making capability is limited.

CaliforniaLeaving · 15/07/2012 00:57

I pull my Dd out for the way of oncoming trollies and adults cause chances are they aren't looking down and she's been mowed over a few times. Then she and I both get a dirty look like we did something wrong, when they aren't looking where they are going.
On the bus I'll stick her on my knee of squash in a bit for an elderly or pregnant person, but healthy adults can stand unless they ask nicely.

minimisschief · 15/07/2012 01:07

i dont understand why people think adults have more right to seats than children. your an adult suck it up and stand they got there first.

the only time someone should give up their seat is if they see someone having difficulty standing. and being old doesnt automatilly put you in that catagory. And even then the child should still keep their seat and a parent offer theirs.

as for the moving out your way part. you made it clear in your post their was space to move around each other. so what is the issue unless you are walking down the middle of the isle expecting people to move around you.

MamaMimi · 15/07/2012 01:36

I wouldn't allow myself and my dd to take up the whole path without attempting to make some room for a person coming the other way with a full trolley, elderly or otherwise.

Either myself or my dd would move out of the way, but I would probably guide her to walk in front or just behind me.

Wouldn't most parents do the same?

Has everyone just taken exception to the OP's expectation that this is what should happen?

As far as the bus thing I think OP is probably referring to children who are old enough to stand safely, or young enough to sit on parents laps vs an elderly person who may struggle to stand on a moving bus. Isn't it just common courtesy?

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 15/07/2012 01:46

I fucking hate shopping in supermarkets. Too many annoying people there.

NurseBernard · 15/07/2012 02:20

I am gobsmacked by some of the responses on here and feel as if it has to be the default AIBU response from many just to disagree vehemently with the OP for the sake of it... Hmm

There's no way I wouldn't move my 3.6 or 1.11 year olds out of the way for someone else coming along with a full supermarket trolley.

Likewise, on the flip side, if I was walking with them both in the double pram, I'd expect an adult walking unencumbered and alone to make way for me if it was a tight space.

Isn't this just manners? To hop out of the way for the person with the greater load/need/inconvenience/delete as applicable?

What do some of you teach your kids? That they're entitled and No. 1 know matter what?

I mean, how do you learn courtesy for others, sharing the world with others and manners if you're not taught it as a child and expected to demonstrate it in instances such as these?

I'm with Muriel, even if she is a troll or DM journo.

lovebunny · 15/07/2012 02:27

yes, well, muriel is right. of course.

Thumbwitch · 15/07/2012 02:32

So glad I got to the end of this and found some sense prevailing. I would always move DS out of the way of a trolley - apart from anything else, some people just don't watch where they're going and he could have been run into by the trolley-pusher. And yes, it's basic good manners!! Why take up the entire width of the thoroughfare when someone is coming towards you?

It's like people who stand with their trolley pushed out behind them in supermarket aisles, so they're blocking it - or 2 people chatting with their trolleys next to each other blocking it - it's thoughtless, inconsiderate and mostly just completely mannerless and rude.

DS isn't dragged out the way, but I would have guided him behind me to walk in single file. FFS, can't believe others wouldn't.

ValiumQueen · 15/07/2012 02:56

I move my child out of the way of a trolley, of anyone actually. Partly due to common courtesy, partly due to concern that they will get hit or pushed. If on a bus, I always sit my child on my lap if there is room (not so easy if pregnant). I am pretty old, so perhaps it is an age thing.

Thymeout · 15/07/2012 08:25

Yes, Valium. I think it could be an age thing. I think life is getting far too child-centred. The pendulum has swung too far. Children being asked what they would like for dinner, what they would like to wear - and being allowed it, however ridiculous the answers. And those endless parliamentary debates when the child wants some sweets at the checkout and the mother goes on and on as if the child's opinion is as valid as hers. I want to say, "Just say No, woman."

It's doing them no favours whatsoever. One day they will have to fit into the world of school/work and some of them are going to have a very big shock.