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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a parent of a young child

155 replies

MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 18:51

should take them to the side when an older person is coming through with a full trolley.
I was coming out of supermarket along narrow walkway pushing my shopping when a father with a small girl (about 6 years) was coming the other way and just stood taking up the whole space so I had to go the side to let them through.

How are children going to learn to consider others when they are being shown that they have more rights than anyone else?
As a child I was constantly being dragged out of the way to let grown ups pass.
This really makes me so angry.
And don't get me started on children taking seats on buses and trains while adults are standing...
What is going on?

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 14/07/2012 19:23

I absolutely agree jiggle which is why I said that no age is more entitled than any other and "we should all be polite to others, no matter what our age"

LucieMay · 14/07/2012 19:23

So by that logic all healthy people, adults and children, should automatically stand on a bus in case someone near them has an invisible disability? What a bad person I am, I shall never sit again!

Jiggleballs123 · 14/07/2012 19:24

meglet totally agree sometimes I think it does kids good to have another adult (not their parents) ask them to move/stop doing something, I'm not saying at all that it's other peoples responsibility but at times you may not have noticed your child is standing in someones way.

Original poster
MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 19:24

Just to clarify ourvye he wasn't hassled and didn't have a trolley.

OP posts:
50shadesofstress · 14/07/2012 19:25

Well you still should have said excuse me!

Original poster
MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 19:27

50shades I have learned that now since it's unlikely that I can assume a parent will have taught them.

OP posts:
happybubblebrain · 14/07/2012 19:27

Who cares who has to walk around who in a supermarket, sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. It's only a couple of seconds and less than a calorie. Is this really an issue worth raising? I think not. Nobody is more important than anyone else. I think respecting your elders is a load of bollox, respect everyone.

How do we decide who sits down on public transport .......... errrr, who ever gets there first of course. Exceptions apply for those who can't stand well.

There are too many fake and silly manners in this country. Pity everyone can't just be thoughtful, kind and caring.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 14/07/2012 19:32

I have had to stand up, holding a toddler, with a 4 year old wedged between my legs and the pole, on a jerky stop-start bus on bendy, steep, roads, while healthy adults in theirs 20s and 30s (as well as people of other ages) sat, until I plucked up the courage to ask somebody to move (which as it happens he did with a smile and without complaint, so I could put both children on his seat). OP should my small children have stayed standing/ potentially bouncing/ flying around the bus, so all the adults could sit, given the older a person is, the more important they are?

People who have good manners and are just standing about in the path should move to the side for other people who are trying to walk past - age is irrelevant. People who need others to move out of their way should politely ask - 99 times out of 100 they will get a polite response...

Cheriefroufrou · 14/07/2012 19:35

well they wont learn to treat others well if they follow YOUR examply OP

my DS needs to sit on the bus/train more then a healthy adult, of course I get him up for elderly/pregnant/disabled people. but an average adult is less likely to get knocked over or bashed in the head then him when it's crowded! That's not being entitled that's just logic/physics. He's not more important, if any of those standing were more likely to get knocked over or bashed in the head then him then he would have to get up, say for a woman holding a baby etc

Original poster
MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 19:36

Ah EnglishWoman I think you have nailed it.
It's about having to to ask. We should all be aware to what's going on around us and behave accordingly with consideration.

OP posts:
50shadesofstress · 14/07/2012 19:36

It is not necessarily that children do not know good manners but you are talking about a very young child here and believe it or not sometimes people have other things on their mind and do not always realise whats happening around them.

My children are taught to be polite and respectful but at 4 & 6 I would not necessarily expect them to realise at all times to move out of the way/stand up on a bus etc - I would expect that I would tell them to when need be and on the odd occasion I have 50 million other things on my mind then I would appreciate someone prompting me when I would then happily move/stand up etc.

PeggyCarter · 14/07/2012 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 19:38

Wine time

OP posts:
lisad123 · 14/07/2012 19:39

So my lovely little ones can learn how rude people can be.
Yesterday I asked my girls to move aside to let a lady with a electric scooter by, not even a thank you, that teaches my kids what?? Adult are rude Angry

FamiliesShareGerms · 14/07/2012 19:39

OP, your post isn't phrased very well, but I agree with what I think is your main point, that children should do what used to be called "respecting your elders". I ask DC to stand to one side to let grown ups pass, for example, because I was brought up that that was good manners.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 14/07/2012 19:41

my 6 year old has the same rights as you not less.

Im fed up of entitled adults thinking its ok to drag children around top let them get past.

Original poster
MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 19:42

Having rights is NOT the same as having manners.

OP posts:
Byecklove · 14/07/2012 19:42

I completely agree that there needs to be more respect for the elderly in this country. I used to live in Japan - recoils learn a thing or two from them. It's embarrassing, the way we treat our older generation.

But...I wholeheartedly disagree with your bus comment. In every bus scenario I can think of, the children should be seated. Every time I've taken public transport, people have offered me/the children their seat. They are more vulnerable members of society and by definition need more protecting. And in my opinion, seeing adults act towards them in this way will teach them far more about consideration and respect than being yanked out of the way by their parents with no consideration or respect shown to them

seems a bit hypocritical

PeggyCarter · 14/07/2012 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 14/07/2012 19:48

i just encourage my children to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves, so i will say to them to move out the way so that lady/man/random dog can get past! equally if someone moves for them i expect them to be polite and say thankyou or if someone is in their way i know they will say 'excuse me please' as that is the polite thing to do!

cheesesarnie · 14/07/2012 19:51

My children are expected to sit on my lap if their seat is needed but with 3 I get slightly squashed. (Joke obviously, but yes we all move if the seat is needed).

My children would move out of your way if you asked them politely. If however they did not realise that they were in the way, then they probably wouldn't. They'd probably expect a grown up to let them know if they were in the way instead of silently brooding over it and then coming over all victorian and 'children should be seen and not heard' later on on the internet.

FamiliesShareGerms · 14/07/2012 19:59

Yes, it would be better if everyone was generally polite and thoughtful to each other. There are plenty of rude adults around - agree with lisad that not everyone says thank you

4forkssake · 14/07/2012 20:02

My ds (6) is ridiculously polite & stands holding doors open for people if he's ahead of us & waiting for us to catch up. I'd say about 5% of those adults he holds the door open for say thank you Sad. Now that is rude!

And yes you ABU, an excuse me or could I get past "please" wouldn't go amiss!

Debeezandbirds · 14/07/2012 20:08

My DS says excuse me when he wants to be past. The two adults at the self service tills yesterday didn't and did that "brushing past but actually shoving you out of the way" without a word. I shoved the second one back Blush she pushed me with her bum so I pushed back with mine. Adults are awful sometimes.

YABU, if you want to past say "Excuse me please", my DS may have manners but he's not a psychic.

Jiggleballs123 · 14/07/2012 20:12

In an ideal world yes we would all have eyes in the backs of our heads be perfectly aware of what's going on around us but in reality we are sometimes so carried away with our thoughts we just don't realise that perhaps we've got in someones way. A bit of polite prompting can work wonders and you'd normally get a big at apology which I'm sure would do wonders for your bitterness complaint.