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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a parent of a young child

155 replies

MurielTheActor · 14/07/2012 18:51

should take them to the side when an older person is coming through with a full trolley.
I was coming out of supermarket along narrow walkway pushing my shopping when a father with a small girl (about 6 years) was coming the other way and just stood taking up the whole space so I had to go the side to let them through.

How are children going to learn to consider others when they are being shown that they have more rights than anyone else?
As a child I was constantly being dragged out of the way to let grown ups pass.
This really makes me so angry.
And don't get me started on children taking seats on buses and trains while adults are standing...
What is going on?

OP posts:
Kayano · 14/07/2012 20:13

Did you say excuse me?

TheVermiciousKnid · 14/07/2012 20:13

Having rights is NOT the same as having manners.

But it doesn't sound like you had any manners in this case! Surely it would have been good manners to either say 'excuse me' or make way?

Jiggleballs123 · 14/07/2012 20:14

Can I just add that I love it when parents of grown up children look back at their childrens early years with rose coloured specs as though their own children never put a foot wrong.

Come on humour me op, did your dd ever do anything that might have annoyed another adult when she was a child?

madmomma · 14/07/2012 20:16

Yes I believe children should give way to adults in a general sense, but I also hate it when adults don't treat children as people, IYSWIM. Children should certainly give seats to adults on buses (as a very general rule). I also don't like it when an adult sits in the back of the car and a child in the front; that really rankles. But tons of stuff like that gets my goat. I think if a household has visitors then the tv should be off, and no-one seems to do that anymore so maybe I'm out of date. Also, thanking the bus driver before you get off, saying hello and goodbye properly to cashiers etc. Nothing nicer than lovely old-fashioned manners.

Tee2072 · 14/07/2012 20:18

sigh

Just because you are old does not automatically mean you deserve respect. I do not respect someone because they have made the incredible achievement of not dying.

I hope to continue to achieve the same.

Respect is earned.

And if they were in your way say 'Excuse me please.'

Or is it only children who are expected to have manners?

As for children standing or not standing on the bus? I can't put my son on my bad leg. I can't hold him there, he would fall off.

SecretPlace · 14/07/2012 20:29

Kids have rights too.

Why should he have moved his child to let you pass? Whats wrong with you waiting?

And a child has every right to sit on a bus, moreso than some able bodied adults I would say.

SecretPlace · 14/07/2012 20:29

And I haven't got kids and I'm not brilliant with them either so I'm not biased.

G1nger · 14/07/2012 20:36

Op - if I could, I'd see to it that my child beat you to a seat every time. I don't believe that children should stand for adults.

rhondajean · 14/07/2012 20:41

I was in the chip shop organic green grocers yesterday when a young las behind me got overlooked in the queue for a man who came I. After him. He spoke up and said politely excuse me I was here before him. I was proud for his parents.

So no I don't thinks children are second class citizens but I do think some of you on he have horrible attitudes and it's no wonder there are so many kids with poor manners and who think the world revolves around them.

valiumredhead · 14/07/2012 20:50

OP I agree with you in essence.

theincredibequeenofwands · 14/07/2012 20:54

The rare occassion I get on a bus with my child I buy him a ticket. This secures him a seat, I'd never allow him to stand - it's dangerous. If a bus was too crowded for us to sit I wouldn't get on it.

And if children are in someone's way then that person does have the option of saying 'excuse me, please'. Far preferable to them being 'dragged' out of the way. And they'll learn far quicker.

madmomma · 14/07/2012 21:07

totally agree rhondajean

madmomma · 14/07/2012 21:08

But buying a ticket doesn't secure anyone a ticket, does it incredible, cos if it did no-one would be standing on public transport

madmomma · 14/07/2012 21:09

*sorry - doesn't secure anyone a seat

theincredibequeenofwands · 14/07/2012 21:13

Which is why I said that I wouldn't get on if it was too crowded to sit. And if I've bought him a ticket I would never ask him to stand up.

When he travelled for free I'd have sat him on my lap, but not now.

Personally I don't think anyone should be standing. Round here bus fares are really expensive, you should have a seat!

Signet2012 · 14/07/2012 21:14

Kids don't bother me. I just say excuse me please and thank you when they move. I think this is a better way to teach them to be respectful and just as importantly respected as human beings.

Now adults who decide the aisle is a marvellous place to stop and have a full conversation with her from down the road or him who used to own the butchers whilst jamming the aisle up with their trolleys - now they boil my piss Grin

SecretPlace · 14/07/2012 21:16

It doesn't but least you can turn round and say you've paid.

I vividly remember being about 8, taken to a fair in the next town by my aunt. At said fair I won a massive tweetie pie cuddly toy, it was so big my aunt actually paid for a seat for it on the bus home!
The next stop a woman insisted I move the teddy as she said I hadn't paid for a seat after all. There were spaces all over she could have plonked her bum but instead she wanted to prove a point that I would have had to move it. My aunt god bless her turned round and said 'the bird has paid adult fair thankyou very much'

rhondajean · 14/07/2012 21:16

Buying a ticket entitles you to travel but not to a seat unless its a bus that says no standing passengers.

holyfishnets · 14/07/2012 21:17

And don't get me started on children taking seats on buses and trains while adults are standing...

I don't actually see why children should stand while adults sit down?

About the trolly in the doorway. No one has right of way but it would have been polite for the people to give way to those pushing heavy trollys.

Tee2072 · 14/07/2012 21:20

I also don't understand why children should stand instead of an adult. Surely an adult, baring infirmity, is steadier on their feet than a child.

And even if they aren't, so what? Children can be just as tired as an adult or whatever.

G1nger · 14/07/2012 21:21

My step-grandad didn't like children. He came into my life when I was about 10 years old and clearly thought that 'children should be seen and not heard'. Over the next 20 or so years I built up a good relationship with him but I never really forgave him for how he made me feel as a child.

That's what this thread makes me think of. For the record, I find children to be much better mannered than a lot of adults around here. I think it's easy to overlook that many of them are eager to please, if only we speak to them in the right way. Making people feel inferior (expecting their seats; expecting them to move for a 'more important' adult) is just not something I'm willing to tolerate in respect of children now that I'm an adult.

thegingerone · 14/07/2012 21:21

ds1 (9) regularly holds the door of a busy shopping centre open (There are automatic doors too but he's on the manual ones. Not standing there waving his arms using the Force)
He usually lets 10 to 15 people through and everytime walks away shaking his head, disgusted that only 2 or 3 people have said "Thanks". He does this because I 've encouraged him to be polite, helpful and thoughtful to others, not because he's checked their birth certs to confirm if they're pre 2003.Wink
OP I understand your point a bit but I think it is more important that kids and adults are thoughtful to one another than "respecting your elders." I modify this and I am a bit more respectful however with people who are of a generation that were brought up with that as the norm (So basically try to be thoughtful of others IYKWIM)

Posterofapombear · 14/07/2012 21:23

Why do adults think it ok to show such blatant hatred for children then invince surprise when children do not respect them Sad

GladbagsAndYourHandrags · 14/07/2012 21:26

OP, is your gender clear from your appearance? I always tell
DC to 'keep out of the lady's way' - or gentlemans- but sometimes it isn't obvious so I don't like to put my foot in it!

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 14/07/2012 21:51

Muriel I ask people if I have to (to move out of my way while I am carrying my baby though a small space, to give a seat to my small children etc. I also tell my 4 and 6 year old to make way for pedestrians if they are on their bikes, but ironically also to make way for adult "sporty" cyclists on cycle paths... and they are so well trained they do so automatically...

However my 4 year old still talks about the "lovely lady with a dog" who stood out of the way to let him cycle past on a narrow bit of pavement as a lorry passed on the road 3 or 4 weeks ago - he actually saw her again a few days ago and shouted out "Hello nice lady!" (Well Hallo nette Damen!" or something - we live in Germany and his German is better than mine) as we cycles passed.

Do you "behave accordingly with consideration" Muriel? It goes both ways, as I have said on other threads such as one about children "playing out" - there are reasonable childless people/ parents of grown up children who actually like children and realise if they have a tiny bit of understanding they will reap more than they have sown... and I am not remotely religious, but here the parable reference is relevant...