Is it reasonable to assume that when you invite someone to a party/sleepover you will fund the coist of food?

[lunamoon]

Hello,

Perhaps it is me that is out of touch or just too hospitible.

Twice this week my dd (15) has been invited to sleep at friend's houses.
To be frank on the first occassion I would have preferred her to stay at home as it was a school night. However we know the other girl's parents very well, we are friends too, and her friend did keep texting/phoning her to ask her to stop.
Anyway when she came home she asked me for money as the friend had ordered food from a take away and asked my dd for the money.

I was a bit put out as I expected the family to feed her. We have been round to each others many times and when they come here we provide the food and vice versa.
I suppose I was more narked as it was all the friend's idea to have dd stay.

Anyway tonight dd is sleeping at another friend's house as it is her birthday party. I don't know this family as well. Before i agreed to dd going to the party I asked where it was and what exactly they would be doing. My reason for this was that if they had been going out for something to eat/drink then i would have said no, as quite frankly I am skint and can't afford to be shelling out.
Anyway as the answer was we are staying at friend's house i agreed and bought a present/card for dd to give.
Approx 1 hour before dd was due to go she tells me that actually she will need £10 as they are ordering a take away!

I was not pleased.
I have given dd the £10 but told her not to spend it all.
I have also told her that she hasn't to accept any more "offers" of sleep overs or parties as quite frankly it is costling too much.

Now the thing is whenever I invite people round or let dcs invite people round I do not expect them to buy their own food. I always feed my guests.
Am i the weird one or is it a bit off to invite people then when they are there or almost there tell them they will be buying their own food.
Seriously is this normal?

Slightly off topic I do think it's a shame for a fifteen year old to have no money of her own at all. Though I understand why you've made those choices, and I assume her expensive hobby is also too timeconsuming to allow for a job of her own (and jobs for 15 yr olds are hard to come by nowadays) I think it may cause problems (eg asking for money for fictional takeaways perhaps).

Before you go worrying that your DD is up to no good with the cash, let me say that paying for your own takeaway is standard here. I would, and have, provided pizzas, sometimes takeaway, or home made food .Frozen pizza/snacks/soft drinks are always available for sleepovers . However if the teens decided they wanted Chinese or something they would offer to pay themselves.Also found at this age that they started to go out to the local Chinese for dinner on birthdays - they negotiated a good rate for a set menu and the restaurant were always made aware by parents that the teens were underage so no wine menu was offered . Cost me a fortune as seemed to be birthdays every week. Introduced a proper allowance at this stage - for socialising, makeup, clothes,phone- which saved my cash in the long run.

Have you spoken to the parents about this contribution?

I bet you're being conned, tbh I need a tenner for a takeaway. Yeah. Right. You fell for it once so she's pulling it again

Of course, if you gave the money directly to the parents, I am clearly wrong.

Here's what you do. You tell her that you will come with her and give the money directly to the parents. Her reaction will tell you everything

Hi all,
DD did have a good time. Seems they did all chip in for pizza,chips, Lambrini!!!!!! a bottle of wicked and diet coke!
Dh picked her up and spoke to the mum who also had a bit to drink too!!!!! But apparently dad was sober.
She did enjoy herself so all seems well.
With regards to the first friend seems like they have had a bit of a falling out (not just dd but quite a few other girls too) as my dd thinks she is using her. This would actually fit in with the friend asking her to contribute to takeaways etc.