Is it reasonable to assume that when you invite someone to a party/sleepover you will fund the coist of food?

[lunamoon]

Hello,

Perhaps it is me that is out of touch or just too hospitible.

Twice this week my dd (15) has been invited to sleep at friend's houses.
To be frank on the first occassion I would have preferred her to stay at home as it was a school night. However we know the other girl's parents very well, we are friends too, and her friend did keep texting/phoning her to ask her to stop.
Anyway when she came home she asked me for money as the friend had ordered food from a take away and asked my dd for the money.

I was a bit put out as I expected the family to feed her. We have been round to each others many times and when they come here we provide the food and vice versa.
I suppose I was more narked as it was all the friend's idea to have dd stay.

Anyway tonight dd is sleeping at another friend's house as it is her birthday party. I don't know this family as well. Before i agreed to dd going to the party I asked where it was and what exactly they would be doing. My reason for this was that if they had been going out for something to eat/drink then i would have said no, as quite frankly I am skint and can't afford to be shelling out.
Anyway as the answer was we are staying at friend's house i agreed and bought a present/card for dd to give.
Approx 1 hour before dd was due to go she tells me that actually she will need £10 as they are ordering a take away!

I was not pleased.
I have given dd the £10 but told her not to spend it all.
I have also told her that she hasn't to accept any more "offers" of sleep overs or parties as quite frankly it is costling too much.

Now the thing is whenever I invite people round or let dcs invite people round I do not expect them to buy their own food. I always feed my guests.
Am i the weird one or is it a bit off to invite people then when they are there or almost there tell them they will be buying their own food.
Seriously is this normal?

Me too Fanjo

You are scaring me now with talk of sleeping in caravans and not being where she is supposed to be.
I would like to have a peaceful nights sleep you know!

Least I'll know all the tricks when my son tries them

I remember one night staying out and getting a take away after getting pissed in the street but mum always gave me money anyway when I went out.

My brother is given a few pounds when he stays out and he's 12.

I was doing this only 5/6 year ago too

If my DD and her friends decided to organise a sleepover with take-away food at this age, they would be paying for it themselves, as I couldn't afford it. Unless it was a birthday party then I would be paying. So YABU, it happens.

Mad Dog and menthol fags, I'm home at last

I normally pay for the pizzas every weekend if I'm about or I leave money and it is expensive, but I only do it because we're alright financially and so can afford it. However I know not everyone can or wants to pay so when it comes to teen sleepovers I think especially as I doubt the parents have little or any involvement you should expect to provide her with money.

Also are they giving her breakfast, if so its obvious that she's paying because they're ordering takeaway or going out somewhere. I don't think they're paying for an average family dinner it's not like they're that young anymore, they're doing their own thing.

If it was a prearranged thing then i would pay for a takeout but if it was spur of the moment then i would cook or they could get themselves food but they wouldn't ever need money at my house

This sometimes happened when my DDs went to sleepovers at your DDs age but they were told before hand if they needed money.

Sorry lunamoon. I was the worst teenager i'd ever met, at the time statistically your dd will be just fine.

when you were a teenager

Home sweet home agent

I think at 15, if they had arranged a sleep over involving take away, they pay. If one child was sleeping over and as a family we decided to get a take away instead of cook, I would pay. If I was cooking and they decided to get a take away instead they pay.

when i was a similar age it was very common for a large group of frinends to go out for meals with friends for birthdays with no parents in toe and we always paid our own meals.

OP I think you're being had. She's 15. She is using the money for something else. Probably booze/fags/pubs?

If you want to catch her out, call her friend's parents beforehand saying you want to be sure to give her the right money if she will be getting a takeaway... Then all will be revealed

Haha fanjo, sling in a bottle of Thunderbird and can of shockwaves and I'm there

I only remember a few sleepovers which involved takeaways (as a teenager in the depths of time).

Tbh it was generally a spontaneous thing, always paid for by the parents. Though takeaway was less common then, more usual for a bit of spag bol or whatever to be chucked your way. I don't recall going to sleepovers with more than about 5 people in total, although one where I was made to sleep on the actual floor and awoken by a dog licking my face was pretty memorable .

I was thinking there's more to this, and she wants the cash for something else? Just thinking back to me at 15 though

"I was thinking there's more to this, and she wants the cash for something else? Just thinking back to me at 15 though"

yeah that! the "food money" is for vodka! (if anything like me and my friends at 15)

Oh crap I agree cherie and curious, I need to up my game before dd is older.

YANBU. You invite, you provide.

Agree with noqontrol and SJPsfanjo. She's pulling your leg.

I have a 15 year old DD who meets up with friends on a Friday. Occasionally she will ask if she can take £5 as they are ordering pizzas. I don't have a problem with this. It is too expensive for one parent to have to fund all this. If its the end of term or DD's birthday I am happy to pay for all guests if thry meet here otherwise if it's just done on a whim then sharing the cost is fair. It is also cheaper than paying for them to go out! Host parent provides soft drinks and some nibbles.

Forgot to say I am quite happy fo cook and fund supermarket pizzas if they meet here! But sometimes they have planned a take-away between them and they all fund it irrelevant of whose house they meet at.

I think it is different that they are teenagers. I suspect that they have decided amongst themselves that they are getting a takeaway. I remember my mates doing this - parents had nothing to do with it.

A lot of you don't seem to trust your teens. Not all teens want money for booze. As I said before in my experience teens do sometimes order a take away on sleep overs and they do chip in themselves.

It depends on the situation really.

If it's a pre-arranged party-type affair, then I'll pay for pizzas or whatever for everyone. But tbh this would never happen again only happen for a birthday.

If it's one or two lads staying over for a mammoth xbox session and we were already planning to have pizza, we would pay.

But if I'd offered food we already had in but they refused it, preferring to have pizza, they would have to pay.

Clear as mud, really.