To get annoyed with people constantly commenting on my age gap

[Queenie72]

I have 2 gorgeous ds, 31 months and 5 months.
Perhaps it is the sleepless nights and hormones, but I am getting annoyed with constant negative comments, even from other mum friends like oh it will be easier for me cos dd1 will be in nursery 3 mornings by the time dd2 is born, or poor ds2 never gets much time alone with you, or you must be mad etc erc.
I can already see an amazing bond between my 2 boys and all the comments are getting me down a bit and making me sad that I haven't had loads of time alone with ds2 and that it is going so fast because I am so busy with ds1.
Just can't focus on ds2 like I did with ds2.

Hi Queenie 72. Since having my daughter (3) I have been surprised by peoples opinions on everything "toddlers" - from development to having only 1 child. I try to ignore peoples' opinions as they do seem to come thick and fast. Sometimes I think people feel the need just to say something when it would be better for them to stay quiet. You are blessed to have 2 children.

"I don't think anyone seeks to take offence at anything and everything."

Really??? I don't agree, sorry.

"99% of topics of polite conversation are unarguably fine."

But how are we supposed to know what is 'polite' and 'fine' when such seemingly (to many) innocuous topics are considered 'nosy' and offensive by some? Your comment suggests that topics of conversation fall squarely within either 'polite and fine' or 'has potential to upset/offend', but it's clear from this thread that there is a huge grey area of conversational topics that the majority think are meaningless and neutral and a small minority get all upset and worked up about.

OP maybe you just appear a bit 'frazzled' sometimes and your friends are just trying to empathise (yes it's hard with little ones close in age) and reassure (it'll get easier as they get older). Do you find that you worry a lot and express this to you friends?

I always get positive comments on 3 years and 3 months age gap between my DS's.
People are just trying to make conversation! And mean no offence!

My Mum and Dad spread me and my sibblings out well. Me in '79 DSis in '83 and DBro in '87.
My Dad says it was great because they had the magic of a new baby/toddler/ pre schooler in the house for 12 years (not every bodies cup of tea though)

emsjy - You are totally right there!

From being on mumsnet I've learnt that so many of the things I've said as polite "how were the roads and the weather Jane Austen safe topics" are complete no-nos on here.

Comments about where houses are located, comments about schools, comments about how cute their kids are, comments about anything is a minefield.

I, at the moment, have a sensitive subject because people keep commenting on how small my son is. But HE IS! So even though it worries me, I just have to smile and be polite and try and work out why their comments upset me a little bit, because, frankly, if I can be worried about such a small thing, then it definitely is my problem.
(Maybe people will comment now on my bad sentance construction

What is truly shocking about this is how utterly banal it is!

Op, seriously, get a grip. I am sure you are exaggerating enormously about people keep saying this and that. People are generally Not. That. Interested. In. The. Age. Gap. Between. Your. Children (or indeed anything about your children if I am being brutally honest).

Sorry if harsh, but really! You have a very very normal age gap between your children. You are making a mountain out of a teeny tiny molehill.

I agree that you might have odd friends!

Mine are 21months aprt & I don´t recall any comments.

Most had similar age gaps.

You do sound a wee bit precious and mad op

I have 4 dc, the age gaps were 15 months, 20 months and 2 years 3 months.

It got to the point with the "comments" about the age gaps where I would pre-empt them by gushing, yes we really should get a telly shouldn't we

When I had dc4 and was sterilised I would tell people we have a widescreen tv now so we aren't having any more.

I never took the comments as offensive but they do become tiresome in the same way as the "haven't you had it yet" comments when you're heavily pregnant.

I met a lady on the bus with an 8 month gap (DC2 was prem), now that is a tough age gap.

I would have thought 2yrs+ is quite normal? I get the odd comment with my two but it is an 18m gap and DS is pretty little so looks younger.

And my mum buggered it right up, DBs 20m apart then me 15yrs later. A newborn with an infant and a newborn with two teen boys. Bad times.

I think YABU, sorry.

I don't see why anyone would be remotely interested.

totally agree with bbface!

Try having DC1, then DC2 18 mo later, then DC3&4 15 mo later!

(Not me, but a good friend. Yes, I do think she might have her hands full!)

But yes, people are just trying to make conversation. They don't care that much.

I have the same gap between my two. I can safely say nobody has ever made any remark on it whatsoever.

In the OP's defence i wonder if the title might be a bit of a misnomer. The actual content of the OP looks more as though it's about her being made to feel as though she's neglecting either DS in favour of the other. While I know AIBU isn't the best place to post for support, if she is feeling fragile about that already then any comments even vaguely hinting in that direction will be taken as reinforcement.

Queenie as I've mentioned before, and as you'll see from many threads on MN, it is perfectly normal to feel guilty not being able to spend as much time with either DC as you'd like. Every age gap has its pros and cons. Is the problem that you're home with both all the time because I know how that feels. DC1 starts nursery for a couple of mornings in September. Is that an option for you?

Good point well made Foshizzle