To get annoyed with people constantly commenting on my age gap

[Queenie72]

I have 2 gorgeous ds, 31 months and 5 months.
Perhaps it is the sleepless nights and hormones, but I am getting annoyed with constant negative comments, even from other mum friends like oh it will be easier for me cos dd1 will be in nursery 3 mornings by the time dd2 is born, or poor ds2 never gets much time alone with you, or you must be mad etc erc.
I can already see an amazing bond between my 2 boys and all the comments are getting me down a bit and making me sad that I haven't had loads of time alone with ds2 and that it is going so fast because I am so busy with ds1.
Just can't focus on ds2 like I did with ds2.

It's just idle chit chat, it's really not worth thinking about enough to make you feel bad.

I have 2 years between my 2 boys, now 10 and 12. I remember feeling guilty that I didn't have as much time during the baby days for ds2, but now that they are older I can see that it all evens out as get older. Ds2 has benefits that ds1 never had, like being at the school where he would go every day so having a chance to get used to it properly.

Right now I find I have a bit more special time with ds2 than I do ds1, just because of the day to day timings of one being at secondary school and one being at secondary school. Ds1 never got a regular breakfast time with just me and him when he was 10, but he was overwhelmed with PFB undivided attention when he was a baby.

well despite me having huge gaps between mine. i think your gap is lovely i reckon they will have a very special bond.

thats 2 years ....

People comment.

They comment about the 4 year age gap between my girls.

They comment about their different racial origins.

They comment about their odd assortment of parents.

They comment because they're so tall.

They comment because they can both be a little, um, eccentric.

Honestly, I can't believe I get fewer comments than you with your (rather normal, no?) two year age gap. And I can't say it gets to me. Perhaps I just have a very thick skin. Hoping this doesn't sound patronising, but I suspect I'm much older than you, so maybe your skin will leather up in time. Or do you just have unpleasant friends?

I can't recall any particular comments about the age gaps between mine - something like 17m, 14m, 14m, 21m, 15m, 28m, 32m. You must have odd friends. Ignore.

I don't understand what you mean. Is there an "officially approved" age gap now? And if there is, what is it? (7 years between mine).

A year and two weeks between my two little ones.

People say 'Oh, you've got your hands full'. I reply it is better than having them empty!!

Wow yellowtip, do you have eight DC? Now that is worth an admiring comment/question in my book.

People run out of original things to say and fall back on the classics. It is rather boring when you're the one who has to listen to it all the time, so YANBU for being tired of hearing it!

I am sure they don't mean anything by it though. I am expecting DS2 and there will be a 13 month age gap between him and DS1. I have already heard 'Oh, they'll grow up together and be very close' about 6 million times. My usual response is 'Oh yes, EVERYBODY's said that.'

I take the view that a) this validates the opinion of the person talking to me and so they don't get cross, and b) the small jibe implicit in my response makes me feel slightly less irritated by the repetition.

Oh, and all the people upthread telling you to get over yourself have never ever been unreasonably annoyed by anything

Try having 11month gap. That raises eyebrows.

You try having a 21Year age gap between two Ds's. The comments I get are hillarious!

To even type out your post would have bored me rigid op

I don't see what is so unusual about the age gap anyway?

Did you mean to type 31 years?

Honestly I'm nervous about saying anything at all to anyone these days, particularly pregnant women or those with small children - people take offense/get annoyed about the most innocuous comments!

I thought 2 year age gap was pretty normal and in most families is pretty standard isn't it?
There's 26 months between me and my younger brother and 18 months (to the day) between my ds's.
No one ever comments when I say there's 18 months between mine. Typical convo
Random person "What's the age gap between them?"
Me "18 months"
Random person "Oh"
Then convo moves on, "are they at school" etc etc etc

My aunt has a 10 months age gap between 2 of hers, now that I think is crazy! She must have been super fertile!

NonAstemia I think it's nicest when someone asks "how are you?" or something general like that. Then you can reply with the information you'd like to give.

Something like "Why have you got such a big age gap between your kids?" is too personal. After all the person might not really want to tell you about their multiple miscarriages / latest fertility treatments / failed previous relationships etc. etc.

VolAuVent, the OP isn't complaining about people asking why there is a specific gap - I agree that would potentially make people uncomfortable because there may, as you say, be reasons behind that which are private (the large gap between me and siblings is due to my DMum's divorce and remarriage). What the OP is complaining about is idle, meaningless comments about her perfectly average age gap like, 'oh you must have your hands full', which are just part of everyday small talk and don't mean anything or invite her to divulge any personal information at all.

Great post from MammaTJ above :)

I have 15 month, 14 month and 11.5 month gaps between my 4. I get loads of comments about how my hands must be full and how noisy my house must be as well as people wondering if they're all ours. I just smile, make polite conversation back and carry on as usual.

Sweetie, it's probably just hormones and exhaustion.

People say all sorts of things. It's just chit chat.

Maybe ask the next person who comments to come and help out so you can have a break/sleep.

I get comments as I have an almost 7 year gap between my 2. People assumed we wouldn't have another.
Its just something to talk about. Let it go.

My brother will be 53 in Novemeber. I will be 54 in December, so for a month we're the same age.
There is a ten year age gap between ds1 and ds2. An 18 month age gap between ds2 and dd twins.
Oh, and a 12 year age gap between dh and me.
So, if anyone asks or comments, we tell 'em to mind their own beeswax.

When I saw the title i thought this was going to be about an unusual age gap, like 9 months or 20 years, not 2 years 2 months.

DD1 and DS have 23 months between them, DS and DD2 20 months. Sometimes people comment, but usually they are just trying to make conversation or be friendly. And tbh if I met someone with three preschoolers (as I had for a year) I'd probably comment on it as well!

Comments along the lines of "poor ds2 never gets much time alone with you" would piss me off though. I'm assuming most of these women only have one DC?

FWIW DB and I have a 12 year age gap and my mum got many more comments than I ever did about my three. It works both ways.

People comment on everything
age gaps - too long/short
number of children- too many/few
routine - too rigid/not rigid enough
gender of DC's - boys hard work/girls hard work

etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

If you are happy with your choices then

I have an 18 year gap between my 2nd and 3rd (24 months between 1st and 2nd) no-one EVER made a comment - I scared them too much