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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask Y1 teacher to address the class about homophobia?

94 replies

lechatnoir · 13/07/2012 17:51

A few weeks ago DS(6) & I were having a chat about weddings & engagements & I explained how DH 'asked' my dad for my hand in marriage. DS then queried what would happen if 2 men or 2 women got married (ie would no dad's or 2 dad's be asked) & I said I didn't know but in any case plenty if people don't do it nowadays & it's just a silly old tradition going back to times when people thought girls belonged to their father/spouse. Then he said that a boy in his class (let's call him X) said boys can't marry boys & girls can't marry girls so I explained that actually legally they could & as long as you love someone it doesn't matter what sex they are. All taken on board without any drama & I thought end of conversation.

Today I collect DS and he's obviously bothered about something & it finally transpires there was an altercation in the playground today between DS & X because of this same issue and X has been telling DS he's stupid & that all gay people will all burn in hell!! WTAF!

So, AIBU to ask the teacher to address this to the class in an age-appropriate manner or should I speak to X's parents (who I assume planted this idea in X's head and therefore share the same view?).
LCN

OP posts:
klaritaf · 13/07/2012 19:15

pressed button too early...cos what grates me about the OP is the 'correctness' of it all.
Kids always talk rubbish in the playground.
To force teachers to become involved seems like a recipe for disaster.
Just my opinion.

Trifle · 13/07/2012 19:15

I wouldnt mention it to anyone, certainly not the teacher and not the parents either.

It's not down to you to impose you morals on others on what you do/dont tell kids.

Transpose the 'all gays will burn in hell' with 'all non christians/catholics/muslims/jews' etc etc, delete as appropriate will burn in hell, well are you going to go running to the teacher/parents every time and suggest she talk to them about religious tolerance.

Your son has learnt one of life's lessons in that people will believe different things. You both need to be more tolerant that not everyone has rational beliefs but you still need to accept them as much as you expect them to accept yours.

MMMarmite · 13/07/2012 19:16

But schools have a responsibility to provide a safe and accepting environment for all children. A school where homophobia in the playground goes unchallenged is not a safe environment for children of gay/bisexual parents, children who may grow up to be gay/bisexual, and children who may be beginning to realise that they are gay/bisexual.

MMMarmite · 13/07/2012 19:17

Trifle, if any child was being told they'd burn in hell because of their religion or lack of religion, I'd expect the school to consider that unacceptable.

SCOTCHandWRY · 13/07/2012 19:18

no I was just using that as an example, that perhaps these things are best left out of school......(obvs)

But how can it be left out of school Llaritaf? That's where kids are spending a big chunk of their lives, interacting with each other and throwing these comments around- of course in needs to be tackled as and when it happens. Kids bring an awful lot of homaphobia/racism/sexism with them from home ime, so who else is going to tackle it if not the schools?

jumpy2012 · 13/07/2012 19:18

Move your DS to my school...the kids in my class all know that child A has two mummies and think nothing of it. They are Year 1.

SCOTCHandWRY · 13/07/2012 19:21

Triffle, REALLY, seriously you think that's ok? Try changing all gays or all jews will burn in hell for "all blacks will burn in hell" is that still ok? It's a hate crime which ever of those terms you use.

ilovesooty · 13/07/2012 19:22

if it's happening in school time, then school should deal with it. Just like they would racism, or other bullying. Some children at the school will grow up to be gay adults, and some will be aware now that they are gay. Homophobia is no more acceptable in schools than it is anywhere else

ilovesooty · 13/07/2012 19:23

Sorry, pressed post too soon. I agree.

ilovesooty · 13/07/2012 19:24

Transpose the 'all gays will burn in hell' with 'all non christians/catholics/muslims/jews' etc etc, delete as appropriate will burn in hell, well are you going to go running to the teacher/parents every time and suggest she talk to them about religious tolerance

I would expect teachers to challenge religious intolerance too, yes.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 13/07/2012 19:25

We have trouble with this at ds school as well (year 3), as yet I havent stuck my head above the parapet and spoken to the teacher about it but I will in September if it comes up again.

If you swap the gay hate speech for racism then it wouldn't be tolerated, it's not good enough to just dismiss it as name calling or boys will be boys. It's insidious and it's wrong and it needs addressing.

klaritaf · 13/07/2012 19:25

yes we had a 'two mummies' friend, and that seemd to be accepted without too many questions....but teachers becoming involved..hmm not sure.
I know what you are saying SCOTCH and WRY, one could hope perhaps for some assemblies about general acceptance/tolerance, but teachers involved in specific cases? recipe for future disaster for kid and parents.

flatpackhamster · 13/07/2012 19:25

SCOTCHandWRY

Triffle, REALLY, seriously you think that's ok? Try changing all gays or all jews will burn in hell for "all blacks will burn in hell" is that still ok? It's a hate crime which ever of those terms you use.

'Hate crime' - possibly the most pernicious piece of Labour's legislative programme apart from the Equalities Act.

As for OP expecting the teacher to foist her left-liberal views on other people...what has the world come to?

klaritaf · 13/07/2012 19:26

especially as teachers can be quite insensitive and would make damn sure everyone knew who was being referrred to.

ilovesooty · 13/07/2012 19:27

If you swap the gay hate speech for racism then it wouldn't be tolerated, it's not good enough to just dismiss it as name calling or boys will be boys. It's insidious and it's wrong and it needs addressing

Well said. Unfortunately we have not come as far in tackling homophobia as we have in tackling racism.

kim147 · 13/07/2012 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 13/07/2012 19:30

It's not left liberal views flatpackhamster it is the law in this country and you do pupils no favours by not explaining the difference between what their parents believe and what the 'country' believes for want for a better way of putting it.

kim147 · 13/07/2012 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trixie123 · 13/07/2012 19:36

cantspel, the kid is six, the distinction between marriage and CP is hardly relevant to the OPs point, Unclench! OP, I agree with others that its probably best at this stage to just explain to your son about people having different beliefs and not get the school involved at this stage. If every interaction that occured between kids during school time was dealt with by the school they would never get ay teaching done. At an appropriate time you could perhaps enquire as to when they do tackle this subject in PSE and if its not for some time you could then perhaps mention that you understand the kids are discussing it and maybe some work on it might be needed earlier. As for the burning in hell comment, well, thats the downside of freedom of speech and religious tolerance - you have to tolerate it, up to the point when hate crime legislation collides with it!

SCOTCHandWRY · 13/07/2012 19:36

especially as teachers can be quite insensitive and would make damn sure everyone knew who was being referrred to.

It should be more of a general raising of awareness about diversity, different kinds of families etc and it's wrong to be nasty to people because they are different surely? These are very young children the OP is referring to.

FLAPACK, do you perchance work for the Daily Fail Wink?

klaritaf · 13/07/2012 19:36

well I cannot argue with statistics, kim, but my kids at secondary school are always telling about so and so or so and so who is openly bisexual or gay, and am startled by the difference between now and the 1970s when I was at school, when it really was 'the love that dare not speak its name', at school anyway. As for the word 'gay' developing into a different meaning, well, didn't it do that in the first place?

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 13/07/2012 19:37

You're being sarcastic, aren't you, flatpackhamster?

Please tell me you're being sarcastic.

kim147 · 13/07/2012 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jasper1980 · 13/07/2012 19:39

I would talk to the teacher. I had a "friend" who let her 5 year old run around calling everyone gay, ...using it to insult other children. Ex friends defence was that they are "kids and don't know it's offensive"Hmm Of course they do, or it wouldn't be an insult would it! I am gay, this friends lack of ability to tackle the issue ended our friendship. If this child had been spouting words about the colour of someone's skin etc, it would be pulled up. Homophobia is a big issue, it should be tackled on schools, like all other things, tolerance should be taught. To leave it to the parents(soley) just breeds another generation of prejudice if the parents are predjudice themselves. It's not forcing any views on anyone. It's simply saying that hate speech won't be accepted and people can live they way they want, regardless of colour, gender or sexual orientation.

SCOTCHandWRY · 13/07/2012 19:41

What JASPER said.