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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel put off MN after all the Fruitshoot/fat judginess of PoM thread?

57 replies

FruitShootnSausageRolls · 12/07/2012 09:56

I was brought up on organic wholefoods, years before anyone else I met had even heard of them, by a judgemental, grasping, superficial ignorant mother. I was horrified that my friends didn't know what 'crap' was in their foods, etc.

Fastforward to my 20s - I was drinking, smoking and frequently contemplating suicide and look worse for it, because of the emotional fall-out from various things -largely springing from my judgemental mother, while many 'crap-eating' school friends took care of themselves.

I didn't actually feel any inner peace or happiness until I met my partner and had kids in my 30s - with someone who knows nil about nutrition, and my judgemental mother clearly looks down her nose at him. I finally started to see how damaging my mother's attitude and values have been for me and it totally creeps me out to see this, and to hear her reiterate them over and over, (without any thought of how wildly different fortunes influence other people's decisions & presentation) and continue her cruel dismissal of others having value as human beings.

So now I give my kids the odd fruit shoot and sausage roll but prioritise their happiness above all, in order to try to give them a good psychological foundation for decision-making in their lives. But yesterday I was really upset and put off to think MN is full of women like my mother - sneering and judging me for giving my kids fruit shoots or sausage rolls in public, or the fact that I no longer look like my svelt teenage self. I still feel depressed about it. :(

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MittzbethSalanderLovesBouncing · 12/07/2012 15:08

Sorting out how your Mum has impacted on you and your life, and whether you forgive her are two things that can help with that sense of depression.

AIBU can be great but the Relationships topic can be an excellent place to really work through things, and tends to get slower traffic.

It is OK to actually put yourself first and work on your own well being before deciding how your Mum fits into things.
My Dad still upsets me at times. But in my head now when he says crap stuff, I am learning to disassociate myself from what he says and not take on board his attitudes and thoughts. (His opinions on women are vile Sad) Like if someone passed you a mouldy peach. You wouldn't continue to carry it around with you, but dump it in a compost bin, or just a bin.
It takes time.

FruitShootnSausageRolls · 12/07/2012 15:15

Thanks. I have found the warmth here reassuring. People have said that it is more of a joke. And I too agree fruitshoots taste disgusting - but they are fun - so I don't care.

I think it is true, as some here have reminded me, that judgemental people have got a problem/insecurity at the root of their attitudes and behaviour really, but I wish that their problems didn't cause everyone around them to feel shit about themselves.

Such is life I suppose!

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Lifeissweet · 12/07/2012 22:54

Fruitshoot - I should add that my MIL is a food fascist too. She brought up all her boys on organic whole food in the 70s before most people were aware of it. Every thing the boys had was brown. She refers to sugar and White flour as 'pure white and deadly'. She seriously judges everyone for the way they feed their children. My DS was offered a cupcake within her hearing recently and she gave me such a lecture when I accepted it. He eats really well and I don't at all mind him having treats.

What makes me laugh is that one of her own sons took a paper round at the age of 13, just so he could buy a loaf of White bread, which he kept stashed under his bed. Grin

FruitShootnSausageRolls · 13/07/2012 09:30

Lifeissweet

ha ha ha - sounds very familiar - there are many anecdotes about my siblings & I and what our pocket money went on Wink

Oh and the horrors of packed lunches - sandwiches made of crumbly wholemeal bread, full of alfalfa, disintegrating and usually guiltily dumped to spare me the humiliation of eating them in front of others at school. Aw dear - its bringing it all back...

Yep it is truly possible to ruin food by turning into a moral issue

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HipHopOpotomus · 13/07/2012 09:37

Ah that is great fruitshoots - you've transited from feeling put off MN to finding the warmth :) It is a rollercoaster this MN relationship.

Just wondering though - what is "fun" about Fruit Shoots? Grin Is it the sports cap? the intensely coloured bottles? I just don't get that ......

FruitShootnSausageRolls · 13/07/2012 09:50

"Is it the sports cap? the intensely coloured bottles?"

Yep it is 100% packaging

My daughter even likes them being refilled with water :)

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FruitShootnSausageRolls · 13/07/2012 10:05

Actually the 'organic market' has got a lot better at packaging things in recent years for kids but availability really is about where you live and move.

Disorganisation/convenience is a big factor in a lot of my choices down the sausage roll and fruitshoot route (i.e.- sometimes its just better to get out of the house with the kids in tow and correct mistakes on the fly, than do it perfectly, with everything needed to sustain us + dealing with delaying mishaps before actually getting out of the house) and they are simply things I know will work Grin

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