AIBU to feel put off MN after all the Fruitshoot/fat judginess of PoM thread?

[FruitShootnSausageRolls]

I was brought up on organic wholefoods, years before anyone else I met had even heard of them, by a judgemental, grasping, superficial ignorant mother. I was horrified that my friends didn't know what 'crap' was in their foods, etc.

Fastforward to my 20s - I was drinking, smoking and frequently contemplating suicide and look worse for it, because of the emotional fall-out from various things -largely springing from my judgemental mother, while many 'crap-eating' school friends took care of themselves.

I didn't actually feel any inner peace or happiness until I met my partner and had kids in my 30s - with someone who knows nil about nutrition, and my judgemental mother clearly looks down her nose at him. I finally started to see how damaging my mother's attitude and values have been for me and it totally creeps me out to see this, and to hear her reiterate them over and over, (without any thought of how wildly different fortunes influence other people's decisions & presentation) and continue her cruel dismissal of others having value as human beings.

So now I give my kids the odd fruit shoot and sausage roll but prioritise their happiness above all, in order to try to give them a good psychological foundation for decision-making in their lives. But yesterday I was really upset and put off to think MN is full of women like my mother - sneering and judging me for giving my kids fruit shoots or sausage rolls in public, or the fact that I no longer look like my svelt teenage self. I still feel depressed about it. :(

If you are talking about a particular thread you should at least link it so we know what you are talking about.

Fruitshoots and Gregs sausage rolls are a MN in-joke, very few people actually think they are the work of the devil.

YABU to think that MN is full of any one particular kind of person - there are thousands of members and each one of them is different. Some may be like your mother. Most are probably not.

we are not all the same

I think you will find that anything said on here about Fruit Shoots or Greggs Sausage Rolls is said with tongue firmly in cheek.

And I don't look like my teenage self. Does anyone?

Don't be depressed.

why feel depressed about the judgements of a load of strangers online - who gives a toss - seriously - don't let it get to you x

People suck

But I'd rather have a happy child with the occasional treat than not

I've just done a fit4Life course at the sure start centre (have you checked that out? It's open to all mothers) and it taught me so much about being fit, active but not having to cut everything out forever

I believe if you teach your children about healthy eating and moderation then it's fine

Just think of the agony that people suffer with their judgy pants so firmly up their arse

The thread was here

It's just a long running Mumsnet joke to slag off fruit shoots and greggs, most people let their kids have them sometimes :)

Thank you for your thoughts people

MN is full of really nice people too Fruit. Please don't be depressed. Have a look for some daft threads to join in with.

The thing is, those people judging for a sausage roll will have some aspect of their parenting that you think isn't so great or that they themselves feel guilty about.

I think this is actually the greatest thing about MN -- the way it exposes that no one is a perfect parent, that there is no one way to parent.

I think it's understandable that your mum's awful behaviour would make you cringe over judginess and criticism. You could always ignore AIBU and judgy threads and just focus on the parenting and advice threads, where I think people are generally a lot more supportive.

If it makes you feel better -- yesterday I let my toddler watch TV for 4 hours, because I had a sudden deadline and no childcare. I know a lot of people would think that's utterly shameful but hey, he was happy, I got my work done, so whatever.

Don't let complete strangers make you feel bad!

Yes dreaming.. I agree, it is really hard to do everything you need to do without feeling you're being negligent for not doing the things you can't do at the same time - feels like the 'woman's double bind'

thanks

Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, and nobody is perfect either.

NO ONE that I know in RL would bat an eyelid at the odd sausage roll or fruitshoot

It is an MN joke

But even of it wasn't, who cares? Most people on here are tossers anyway

"Just think of the agony that people suffer with their judgy pants so firmly up their arse"

I feel bad because I don't like sausage rolls. The flakey pastry sticks to the roof of my mouth. But both DSs devour a Greggs Sausage roll without it touching the sides, and they wash it down with a fill fat Pepsi given the chance.

Yes, that's a good way of putting it!

I often feel like I'm being negligent somehow, not doing the right thing, but that's because it's so easy to get caught up in all the tiny details of parenting. When I stop and look at the big picture -- well, my son is happy, healthy and well-mannered, so obviously I'm doing okay so far!

I also think sometimes people are judgy as a way of deflection -- I mean, it's sort of a lazy way to feel better about yourself, by putting down other people for stupid things.

A British Rail Sausage roll was my hangover cure of choice in my 20s.

I buy sausage rolls for my DD's parties.

I used to buy fruitshoots for my DD but she prefers Schloer now.

Chill.

I sometimes make the MN jokes about Fruitshoot and sausage rolls and then take my kids to McDonalds where they have a happy meal with a fruit shoot!

I'm an even bigger hypocrite because I will do the "ohh don't eat sweets they are bad for you" to the boys whilst I have a bar of chocolate just for me hidden behind the breadbin

I'm not judging anyone but I am sometimes having a bit of a laugh at myself.

We are all just muddling through and doing our best for our children and normally that's good enough.

My DD had a fruitshoot yesterday.

In my head I am a perfect mother. The one I planned to be before I actually had a baby - you know - my child will only eat home made organic food, will never have tantrums, never hit, will sleep all night, never whine - that mother.

In reality I do what I have to to get through the day , if that means junk food and TV so be it. It all balances out when I have a good day!

Don't buy into everything strangers say on t'internet. Some on here will be super mothers, some not so good mothers and most of us muddling along the best we can.

Awww OP.. we arent all like that... most of us can laugh at the competetive healthy lunchbox threads and the "well Tarquin has only ever had organic hummous and will not be allowed to eat ice cream until he is 32" posts...

in moderation there is nothing that is unhealthy or poison, and that includes KFC, McDonalds, Greggs and plenty more..

Salt and sugar in small amounts is not evil either..

Thanks everyone - you are restoring my faith in humanity.

I am fat at the moment, not obese and not damaging my long term health, as fat doesn't do that, only being very fat and obese does that.

If people want to look at me and judge me (i don't know what for, but i suppose it makes sense to them), as many on MN do, i'l leave them to it.

People who feel smug, are usually bitter people about something and not very nice, so i just feelsorry that somany misinformed people exsist. Perhaps it's down to their parenting?

Very sad, anyway.

Don't take any notice of those threads, MN has not influenced me in the slightest.

I was a slack mother before MN and I'm still one now

I don't buy fruitshoots, too expensive. Tesco own brand has to suffice in this house.

There is no substitute for a Greggs sausage roll though

I'm thinking that I probably don't have that sort of 'f*ck 'em' attitude that helps people weather the judginess..

Its been good to have my feeling that my mum is freakishly judgemental confirmed here, but I think (her being my mum and everything) its really easy for that confidence to be overturned and seem normal behaviour by anyone else being judgemental at any point. I'm not sure its ever going to go away, since its too deep-rooted and raw, but maybe one day

But big thank you.

I will savour the grease in peace xxx