Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I feel a bit mean.

79 replies

Peggotty · 12/07/2012 08:22

We're going camping this weekend with a few other families, some we know a couple we don't. My friend rang me yesterday to say that the 4 y o ds of one of the families has chicken pox and the mother wanted to check if all the kids going on the camping trip have had cp. My ds hasn't and I don't particularly want him to get it at the moment as we're going on another trip round about the time my ds would have cp if he caught it this weekend. I don't want to say that they shouldn't take their ds along but I really don't want mine to catch cp either at this time. My friend who is acting as the 'go-between' said that the mother would take on board opinions but I just feel a bit mean. Especially as they were booked before us on this camping trip and we've just tagged along.

OP posts:

JodieHarshHasALumpyPennie · 12/07/2012 08:26

Crikey, that's not mean - that's your prerogative as Mum in Charge of your Son surely? And she did ask! Your not going won't ruin it for everyone else, no? Or have I misunderstood?

YANBM!

JeezyPeeps · 12/07/2012 08:26

If they were booked first, and everyone else is ok with them going - then the fair thing to do would be to drop out.

Having said that I think that if you are going to a campsite then they should have just said they can't go - as you don't know who else will be there.

Tough one though!

JodieHarshHasALumpyPennie · 12/07/2012 08:27

Ah, I get it. You'd be suggesting their child doesn't go. Well - I still think YANBM. It's not their decision to infect everyone else's offspring FGS!

Original poster

Peggotty · 12/07/2012 08:32

Yes part of me thinks that if their ds has cp they should stay at home but apparently he's 'not ill' with it. My dd has been hugely excited about this trip and would be gutted if we couldn't go . But then so would their ds presumably.

OP posts:

bronze · 12/07/2012 08:34

Normally I would say if they booked first...

But there will likely be other children at the campsite some of whom will not have had it and it would be dangerous for them
to get it so chicken pix f amily should stay away which means you could go anyway

Birdsgottafly · 12/07/2012 08:36

Have you checked with the adults that they can only get CP once and they don't get Shingles.

I get CP frequently and i get Shingles, so would cancel if a CPoxy child was going.

Is the child going to be using campsite toilets etc, very selfesh, if so.

People go camping with babies and whilst pregnant, if there are any there are you going to go back home?

JeezyPeeps · 12/07/2012 08:36

Are you going to a campsite then? Because it would be incredibly selfish to take him in that case - there could be pregnant women, people with compromised immune systems (maybe less likely though) and other children who may not have had cp.

If she's thinking to go to a campsite then you are certainly not mean - but she is selfish.

MammaTJ · 12/07/2012 08:38

Your group will not be isolated to just those of you who may give in and say yes ok!

The people in the next tent may include a DC similar in age to yours and play with them all, their mum may be pregnant and not immune. There is a bigger picture here than just you and your DC. Children with CP need to be isolated as far as possible. It is possible for them to stay home!

griphook · 12/07/2012 08:38

Utterly selfish of her IMO, he might not be I'll but others who catch it from but others who catch it from him may well be vulnerable.

Original poster

Peggotty · 12/07/2012 08:42

Yes it's a campsite. Hadn't thought of risk to pg women etc! I think if I say I really don't want my ds to catch it she would back out. Apparently her gp has said he 'probably' won't be infectious by Saturday.

OP posts:

EMS23 · 12/07/2012 08:42

The child with chicken pox should be staying at home. You're not being mean and it's unfair that you're the only one whose child hasn't had it, within your group as it means you feel responsible but they shouldn't be going anyway.

Icelollycraving · 12/07/2012 08:58

My ds has chickenpox. He is not really ill with it. I wouldn't dream of taking him somewhere like a campsite! I didn't even get on a bus to the drs with him,you don't know if people are pregnant or with low immunity etc.
Tell them you won't go as you don't want ds to catch it & you were last to book. Might be worth mentioning that the campsite should be informed though.

poorbuthappy · 12/07/2012 09:03

Do you know, I don't care if your dd/ds/dn/dss etc etc aren't that ill. I don't care if you think the spots are all scabbed.
If your child has cp then they should be at home away from everyone else.
When did it become ok to infect people with something so nasty??

So don't feel mean. That child should be at home.

Floggingmolly · 12/07/2012 09:09

They shouldn't be going at all. The camp site will have lots of families using shared facilities; they are being incredibly selfish to even contemplate doing this.
What are you feeling guilty about?

griphook · 12/07/2012 09:12

I've been sat in my house now for four week as ds 1 passed it on ds2, we have literately not left the house let alone go camping

You are not being mean

Homebird8 · 12/07/2012 09:13

I think the parents of the proxy child should obey quarantine rules and stay at home. Shouldn't be your problem. There may be other, immunosuppressed, people on the site they couldn't know about. YANBU. It's tough for their DS but it's one camping trip and he'll have other opportunities.

Original poster

Peggotty · 12/07/2012 09:28

I don't know why I'm feeling guilty Molly! My default state I think!! Part of me is now feeling quite mutinous about it actually. I think some people are a bit reckless about chicken pox and think that every parent doesn't mind if their dc get it. Although to be fair to this boys mum she has checked. I think she probably just hasn't thought about pg women, immunosupressed people etc.

OP posts:

Scrounginscum · 12/07/2012 09:29

You are not being mean.. They are being mean selfish and highly irresponsible considering taking a child known to have CP into a situation where they will come into close contact with any number of people.

Any of those people could be pregnant or immunocomprimised. Lots of medication can put you at high risk of CP complications. These complications can include death. People like that make me .

If DS gets CP just before we are due to go somewhere obviously we'd be disappointed but imposing risk on other people just isn't on IMHO.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 12/07/2012 10:11

I would actually phone the campsite and tell them this child is being brought with the pox so to speak and see what they say. I also wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty or mean about it. Some people thik chicken pox is nothing, and "oh all kids catch it, it does no harm" and they are wrong. They are selfish and irresponsible to be even thinking of taking a child with an infectious disease somewhere where there will be lots of people, including children, and not caring who gets infected :( That's all people need right at the beginning of summer, several children down with cp thanks to one selfish mother.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/07/2012 10:16

You are doing nothing wrong by voicing a concern about it. This woman should be keeping her child at home, because he is the one that's infectious.

It's easy to tell a child they can't go to something when they are covered in spots and can clearly see why they can't go. It's not easy to tell a child that they can't go on a trip where lots of other children are going because a selfish parent wants to bring their infectious child.

ValiumQueen · 12/07/2012 10:16

They ABU, not you. Other campers besides yourselves need to be considered, plus the kid with CP. I would not dream of taking a child out, let alone camping. Be strong and say how you feel. If the kid came down with it during the holiday, that would be completely different.

conorsrockers · 12/07/2012 11:24

It's just chickenpox! I thought the risk of infecting any one else had gone once the spots were out??

MainlyMaynie · 12/07/2012 11:29

She is being very selfish by putting you in this position. It's not your job to be her social conscience. Camping means very close contact with other people in the facilities, any of whom may be at high risk from chickenpox.

conorsrockers, it might be 'just chickenpox' to you, to a pregnant woman who's never had it before it could be awful. And you're wrong about when it's infectious.

bumbleymummy · 12/07/2012 11:38

It depends on how long he's had it for. If he only broke out on Tuesday then they may not all be scabbed over by Saturday but if they started earlier then they might.

mommabee · 12/07/2012 11:40

I dont think you're being mean at all!! I can't believe this woman is going to take a child with cp to a very public place, as others have said anyone else there could catch it. My two had cp about a month ago and my ds was very poorly with it, I think everyone reacts a bit different to it some worse than others. If I went camping and someone had their dc there with cp I'd be pissed off!

Flip

1 2 3 4