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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel a bit mean.

79 replies

Peggotty · 12/07/2012 08:22

We're going camping this weekend with a few other families, some we know a couple we don't. My friend rang me yesterday to say that the 4 y o ds of one of the families has chicken pox and the mother wanted to check if all the kids going on the camping trip have had cp. My ds hasn't and I don't particularly want him to get it at the moment as we're going on another trip round about the time my ds would have cp if he caught it this weekend. I don't want to say that they shouldn't take their ds along but I really don't want mine to catch cp either at this time. My friend who is acting as the 'go-between' said that the mother would take on board opinions but I just feel a bit mean. Especially as they were booked before us on this camping trip and we've just tagged along.

OP posts:
Ithinkitsjustme · 12/07/2012 11:42

If you are not sharing a tent with them then I wouldn't worry about it tbh, there's not much more risk of your child catching it from theirs than from any other child who turned up on the campsite with cp, and there will always be someone who has an infectious child somewhere on the campsite. Whether it is responsible to take a clearly infectious child with her is another matter, but lots of people would.

ladyintheradiator · 12/07/2012 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

conorsrockers · 12/07/2012 11:49

OK. Point taken. I appreciate it's been a while since mine were in this situation but from what I remember mum's (that I knew) were happy to 'let' their child catch it as soon as possible (after 1) as it gets worse as they get older - and I definitely remember the doctor telling me that it was only infectious for the first few days after catching it - the spots come out afterwards - I am sure the info will be available on the web.

conorsrockers · 12/07/2012 11:49

X post!

Viviennemary · 12/07/2012 11:52

If the child is still infectious then I don't think he should be going camping at all. It's a bit inconsiderate of others. Older people can catch shingles. Why would she ask if she wasn't prepared to drop out if anybody minded.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 12/07/2012 11:54

My DH had CP at easter and was very ill with it. We don't know where he came into contact with it but I hope it was from someone who didn't know they were infectious. He last three weeks work and we had to return from a weeks holiday after two days.

People who know they have chicken pox should keep themselves at home!!!

It is totally selfish to knowingly put others at risk of CP or shingles, while it is a mild illness for some it can be fatal for those with compromised immune systems and can cause serious complications in pregnancy.

You should not feel guilty op - the other mum is being selfish to consider going.

Scrounginscum · 12/07/2012 12:01

conor CP can kill, especially if you are in an at risk group.. That is why I would quarentine my child the moment I knew they had CP.

Quenelle · 12/07/2012 12:23

YANBM I would tell Go Between Mum that you are happy to back out as you were last in BUT you actually think Pox Parents should reconsider going because of the risk to others. Refer them to the NHS advice if it helps back you up. See what Go Between Mum thinks.

ValiumQueen · 12/07/2012 12:31

You cannot catch Shingles from someone with Chickenpox, but can the other way around.

I think quinelle has given a very diplomatic solution, avoiding direct confrontation.

Pandemoniaa · 12/07/2012 12:45

You aren't being mean. It's a sad but inevitable fact that when your dcs have chickenpox you (and the Infected Ones) have to sit it out at home, regardless of any eagerly anticipated camping trips and the like. It's the only responsible thing to do.

TheseGoToEleven · 12/07/2012 12:50

I'm a bit Shock and Hmm that the mum with the CP child would even consider going on the trip still! In her shoes I'd cancel whether my child felt ill or not, fact is my child has a contagious disease and I shouldn't be exposing people against their knowledge, which is what will happen at a campsite.

bumbleymummy · 12/07/2012 13:45

Vivien, you can't 'catch' shingles from chickenpox. You can catch chickenpox from shingles though.

DublinMammy · 12/07/2012 14:09

The Pox Mother is being unreasonable and quite silly. She should keep her sick child at home and not inflict him on everyone else and nor inflict a camping trip on him when he is unwell.

Viviennemary · 13/07/2012 01:04

Thanks I didn't know that! When DD had chickenpox an older friend of mine said she wouldn't risk coming to the house as she might catch shingles. So I just assumed you could.

kittyfishersknickers · 13/07/2012 01:21

Yeah you can't 'catch' shingles at all. Basically you get chickenpox and the virus lives in your spinal cord for the rest of your life. It can pop out again if you're immune system is lowered and that's shingles. It's perfectly possible to get shingles twice. And you can get chickenpox from someone with shingles.

But you can get cp twice, although it's rare.

I think she is being irresponsible taking her kid out when he's got cp. It can be very dangerous, esp for pregnant women. I would actually tell her that.

tallslutnopanties · 13/07/2012 06:31

Haven't read the whole thread but wondered if you had considered immunising your ds? Might be another option that would allow everyone to go (although may be too late to arrange)

HeadsShouldersKneesandToes · 13/07/2012 06:47

I agree that YANBU/M - there could be other vilnerable people on the camp site, they can't control who the infected child has contact with as they could in a holiday house. They definitely should not bring him till the spots have scabbed over.

Are you just going for the w/e or for a full week? He may be clear by Sunday with any luck, so perhaps could join the group late if you're there a few days?

MammaTJ · 13/07/2012 06:56

Good Idea tallslut (only on mn is it ok to call someone that). If I had known about it before my DCs had it, I would have paid for them to have it. I WILL be paying for my DGC to have it when they come along.

QOD · 13/07/2012 06:57

Rolling out my c p story . . .

DNs aged 2 and 3, DN3 has cp. Mums decide to let them mix, cp is nothin!

DNs now aged 22 and 21

DN 22 is engaged, has her own place, student nurse
DN 21 can't walk alone, can't be left alone and is severely mentally disabled too.

Cp attacked her brain.

That NEVER happens . . .

Children are unintentionally exposed all the time. Can you live with the guilt? My SILs relationship is destroyed

exoticfruits · 13/07/2012 07:12

I think that the cp DC shouldn't be going to a public place- however if they are I would just stay away yourselves. ( it will be wet anyway!)

bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 07:18

Tallslut, it would take a while for tthe vaccine to work. Also, I think the OP does want her child to catch CP just not right now because they have another holiday booked.

MammaTJ · 13/07/2012 07:46

Qod it is stories like this that make me certain I would vaccinate now I know about it and the reason health professionals no longer recommend 'pox parties'.

Scrounginscum · 13/07/2012 09:44

The issue wouldn't be solved by the OP's son being vaccinated. 1 it won't work that quick and 2 it won't protect any of the vulnerable people the CP mum is endangering.

blinkedandmissedit · 13/07/2012 09:48

I doubt the camp site would have them. Especially if there are facilities such as a club house or pool etc. They would have to keep the child confined to the tent.

YANBU.

ValiumQueen · 13/07/2012 09:55

How does one get the vaccine? DD2 is 2yo, and has just come down with chickenpox, so too late for her, but I am pg currently, so wondering about DS. Is it done routinely?

So sorry about DN QOD thankfully that is rare, but people so often belittle CP.

I has it age 10months, and had shingles at 6. I was off school for months, and very I'll with it.