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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel a bit mean.

79 replies

Peggotty · 12/07/2012 08:22

We're going camping this weekend with a few other families, some we know a couple we don't. My friend rang me yesterday to say that the 4 y o ds of one of the families has chicken pox and the mother wanted to check if all the kids going on the camping trip have had cp. My ds hasn't and I don't particularly want him to get it at the moment as we're going on another trip round about the time my ds would have cp if he caught it this weekend. I don't want to say that they shouldn't take their ds along but I really don't want mine to catch cp either at this time. My friend who is acting as the 'go-between' said that the mother would take on board opinions but I just feel a bit mean. Especially as they were booked before us on this camping trip and we've just tagged along.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 09:57

Not in the UK Valium.

ValiumQueen · 13/07/2012 09:59

Oh bother! I bet America and France do.

bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 10:03

I know the US do but they vaccinate against a lot of things that we don't. (CP,hepB, rotavirus) schedule here

Belmo · 13/07/2012 10:08

You can pay for it Valium. Think it's about £50. I'm thinking about getting it for dd, threads like this put the shits right up me!

ValiumQueen · 13/07/2012 10:12

Thank you Belmo. That would be cheaper than emigrating.

bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 10:24

I think if people are getting genuinely scared about CP based on one person's story of an incredibly rare complication then I think you should read the NHS chickenpox info

ValiumQueen · 13/07/2012 10:36

Thank you bumble for all that info. It is hard though not to wonder if your precious one will be the unlucky one. I could play dot-to-dot on my little girl, but getting lots of cuddles.

AKMD · 13/07/2012 10:38

YANBU, you are not being mean, the parents of the child with CP just haven't thought this through properly. I am pregnant, am immuno-deficient and have never had chicken pox. I really rely on other people to be sensible and not go out with their poxy children :o

bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 10:39

I know Valium. Both my boys had it and before the youngest one broke out I was a bit worried that he was going to get it worse than his brother but he was fine. I think we all go down the 'what if' route any time they are sick but we just have to hold to the fact that the worst case scenarios are, thankfully, very rare.

TheSpokenNerd · 13/07/2012 10:44

YANBM! I would not want my DC to catch it either.

BerthaKitt · 13/07/2012 10:45

This is why i'm paying to get 15mo DS vaccinated at a private clinic next week.

BerthaKitt · 13/07/2012 10:47

Just to add if anyone else is thinking about it, travel clinics offer the CP vaccine and I'm paying £100 total for two jabs, I d

BerthaKitt · 13/07/2012 10:48

Bloody phone.

I don't know how l

BerthaKitt · 13/07/2012 10:48

How l

BerthaKitt · 13/07/2012 10:49

How long the gap between jabs is.

And now excuse me while I batter my phone with a rolling pin, set it on fire, deep fry the ashes and feed it to next door's cat.

sparkle12mar08 · 13/07/2012 10:57

I'd tell Go-between mum that I wasn't at all happy and that I'd rather the infectious family didn't go. That I think they are being very irresponsible and that I would be calling the campsite to check their policy. Then I'd call the campsite, ask what their policy was and give them the names of the parents of the child. I'd then ring Go-between mum back and tell her what the campsite said. I had chickenpox at 36 weeks pregnant with ds1 and to this day have no idea where I got it from - probably commuting on the train is the most likely place. But he arrived barely ten days later i.e. over two weeks early and I will never know whether or not the cpox in my system triggered an early labour. This is not your problem and pox familiy should stay home. There's no way I'd be backing out and I would sure as hell tell the campsite if they turned up with the child.

bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 10:57

I'm sure some people may consider the vaccine but it is worth remembering that you will need boosters for life to ensure that you are protected - particularly if you are thinking about getting pregnant. Also worth noting that the vaccine isn't as effective in adults so you could be left without immunity as an adult when chickenpox can be more risky.

bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 10:58

sparkle, isn't anything above 37 weeks considered full term?

FreckledLeopard · 13/07/2012 11:00

Have you seen this family at all in the last week? If you have, then surely your DCs will already have been exposed to the virus in its early stages so it would be a moot point as to whether seeing them again now that their children are spotty would make any difference to the risk of your children catching it.

From my experience, having caught chicken pox aged 11 and suffered horribly (virus attacked my eyes leading to emergency trip to A&E and scarring of eye), it's certainly better to get the virus when younger as, IMO, it is milder. DD had it aged two and was grumpy for about a day and then fine. I was ill for weeks and permanently scarred.

If you're not going to get your DC vaccinated then it may be best that they are exposed to the virus sooner rather than later.

sparkle12mar08 · 13/07/2012 11:06

Yes but the point is my baby wasn't ready - he was 6lbs and absolutely covered in vernix, was very muscousy, and just not ready to be born. All these things can happen to a 40 weeker too, I know. And term is considered 40-42 weeks in many other countries round the world. Make of it what you will, but either way it is grossly selfish and dangerous behaviour to take an infectioous child on a public holiday where there are likely to be a disproportionately high number of children, some of whom will not have had it before, and also where some adults may not have had it. The pox family don't (and tbf can't) know who might be vulnerable and who not, so they need to stay home. I'd never had chickenpox and could have been desperately ill with it. My baby could have caught it in the birth canal if he'd been only another three days early, could have been brain damaged, blind, deaf, any number of scary outcome. He wasn't and I am eternally grateful that that is the case. But there's not a cat in hell's chance I'd be backing out of a family holiday because a different family can't be arsed to keep their infectious child in isolation for the recommended period.

bumbleymummy · 13/07/2012 11:12

Sparkle, I'm not arguing that a poxy child should be taken out in public. I know what the risks are. It was your 'over 2 weeks early' that I was picking up on. FWIW DS1 was 6lbs6oz and came at 35 weeks for reasons known only to himself!

ValiumQueen · 13/07/2012 11:38

Sparkle, I am glad you and your little one were ok.

It is important to remember they the most infectious time is before the spots arrive, when nobody can be responsible about protecting others.

DD2 had a strange virus type thing just over 2weeks ago, and the GP said do not be surprised if she develops chicken pox over the next few weeks. I am glad I am on Mat Leave, and have not yet had baby!

sparkle12mar08 · 13/07/2012 11:45

Agreed Valium Queen, but it doesn't then remove the responsibility to protect others once the parents do know the child is infectious, does it?

ValiumQueen · 13/07/2012 11:47

No it doesn't. I did not say it did.

sparkle12mar08 · 13/07/2012 11:51

I get that, I was just continuing the discussion. If I'm brutally honest, what I'd actually be more likely to do is seethe silently and privately about the pig headed selfishness of the other couple and hope to goodness that any polite criticism I had of their decision would be passed on by Go-between mum, and hope like hell that they had a heart and more than a few brain cells to rub together!