...to hate having selfish family visitors

[SireeDubs]

My DH's brother and his family arranged to come and visit after 5 years of uncomfortable stand-off, caused by terrible rows between my MIL and SIL (never involving us). My SIL contacted me and said they'd organised flights from Glasgow to Devon, so they could stay for a weekend and then have a holiday somewhere in Cornwall for a week. We were delighted. This was march.

As the date approached, we contacted them asking for any details, where would their DCs like to sleep, dietary reqs, arrival info etc. we heard nothing. I phoned, my DH phoned. Nothing. Then a couple of weeks ago, brother phoned my DH to say he'd come alone, as he and his mad wife had separated. Ok, no problem...

A couple of Sundays ago, my BIL rang to ask us to pick him up from the airport with his DCs. 6 days earlier than expected. No apology, just he 'forgot' to tell us. My husband works away, so a few hours later, he had to leave for London. I was left with demon spawn (as it turns out) and the least assertive man I've ever met. Next day, my DS1 tells me that one of his demon cousins had told him they were staying with us for TWO WEEKS and that his mother (estranged wife) was arriving the next weekend. This was reluctantly confirmed by unassertive BIL.

After 10 days of complete knackeration (making up words, am so tired), dealing with my 3 DC and his awful 2 (diets consist of high sugar cereal, crisps and chocolate), I'm at the end of my tether. We've been used as a doss house and cafe (where his children refuse to eat what mine eat of even what each other eat). His wife arrived and went to stay in a hotel, thank god, but now I hear (again via my ds1 and his cousin), that mad estranged wife is coming to stay from tomorrow.

Bearing in mind that I wasnt informed at any stage of any of this, I'm sure I won't be asked about her. She'll just turn up with him tomorrow. I like to think that I'm a compassionate and kind person, but I'm no mug. What do I do? I'm sure I'll just smile and make up a bed, but I want to make the point that I'm not happy with all of this. How to do it without alienating them again (not that we did in the first place). DH says 'eff it, he couldn't care less if they didn't come again. Ay advice out there, words of wisdom, comfort etc. or am I being unreasonable....

Sorry for rant and ramble!

DH needs to tell them to fuck off and stop taking the piss. It shouldn't be your job to do that or to put up with them either. If you like I'll give them a quick call and do it for you

you are being unreasonable pandering to their demands, does your front door have "restaurant' sign hanging over it?

cook one meal, if they don't like it tell them where the chippy is.

they are taking the p155

definately your husbands job to evict them, in the nicest possible way. they are his family so he should know how to do this. otherwise just a 'its been lovely having you but we now have other plans and can't put you up any more after x day'.

you are NBU at all!! You have put up with the BIL and kids for long enough already. It's time to put your family first - particularly with the summer holidays around the corner. I would suggest the following: They clearly all need some 'immediate family' time which would be best arranged if BIL booked a room at the same hotel as his estranged wife. Good luck to the hotel staff You will need to act swiftly as may get booked up. You have checked availability etc and there are rooms free. Offer to help them pack and drive them there emphasising how much you are looking forward to quality time with just YOUR CHILDREN and their father and how much you all need the break. You may need to hint that you are experiencing 'issues' yourselves to emphasise that you need your own space. Then lock the front door and tell the children you are playing a new game of hide and seek which involves ignoring the phone and the door bell. Word of warning: in laws are a minefield. What your DH says and what he actually wants may be totally different so don't be surprised if he doesn't fully embrace your plan and just leaves you feeling a bit

Time to get a little assertive.

Pin the BIL down - you need to be able to plan meals etc so how long is he staying, when is he going, is ex-Wife coming or not and when/how long for.

Meals - put the crap away somewhere and ration it. Cook one meal you know most people like and that's it - you can always announce "it's spag bol tonight with garlic bread and salad - that ok with your lot BIL? No ? Do you want me to run you over to Tesco then?"

You could also point out that whilst it is LOVELY to see them, you would have preferred to have (a) notice of their arrival and (b) agreement on how long they would stay.

you can only be treated like a door mat if you let them

You are so much more tolerant than me, I'd have said Fuck Off long ago, probably within a day of them arriving. I can't stand rude people who assume things. Here OP, you need a

Well done for sticking it out for that long, you have my sympathy. And FGS tell your DH to get rid of them.

You are a saint. I would well and truly have thrown my toys out of the pram at being summoned to the airport. I suggest you sit down with a huge glass of wine, and refuse to play hostess for another minute. Or get so inebriated that you are rendered incapable. Bloody families.

You deserve a medal for keeping schtum for so long....I would have choked on my own indignance (a real word?!) by now!! Get your dh to grow a pair and ask them politely to shove the hell off now before fists fly!

Pack their things, bags on lawn, doors locked, call "goodbye, so lovely to see you, please don't come again" and ignore them. Go in the bath with your music on loudly or something. If they are still there when you get out, tell them to piss off or you'll call the police and have them moved on.

DH now on a train back from London. (he's taken 2 days leave and we've bought an unplanned train ticket for him at considerable cost). hurrah!

I'm such a mug. Am a very organised an assertive person (military actually...) so I should know better . However have been very aware that with DH away, I didn't want to be responsible for irreconcilable differences. However, I think DH has reached his rather extended limit finally and is coming to offer moral support and hopefully to pin his brother down to leave on Friday with demon spawn and mad estranged wife.

DH says if she (mad wife) turns up, he'll take great delight in being pretty explicit about how people behave in other people's houses etc. She has a very short fuse and hates us anyway (being military makes us 'babykillers' apparently). Hope there's sparks, even fireworks...

DH has a litre of gin in his bag. Can't wait to see him...

OOh can i come and watch. I hate people taking the p*ss like they are. Family or not. I hope your husband sets them straight and puts them on the road back to where they came from. and make sure the door hits them on the way out. :)

A litre of gin sounds like a damn fine military tactic.

You deserve a medal. How about using my dad's line for when he thought someone was staying too late. Ask "Can I get you anything? Hats? Coats?"

Jeebus, what a nightmare! :o You have been v heroic and maybe a bit of a soft touch but time for DH to tell them to sod off! :o

And hurrah for the gin! :o

Good luck!

Cheeky, cheeky bastards (not you OP!). I'm amazed you have put up with it for so long, but I understand not wanting to be the cause of a big blow-out. Perhaps a little white lie of having someone else coming to stay might avoid any show-down whilst achieving the aim of getting them out of your house? Something along the lines of "Oh, Dear-BIL, not sure of your immediate plans but just wanted to let you know that Dear-Far-Flung-Friend is arriving this weekend with her 18 children and so wondering if you would like a taxi to the airport for Thursday or Friday?"

Popcorn, I love your dad's line!!

Can I recommend that if your DH doesn't show them the door that you pack a bag and move to a lovely hotel until he does

Oooo... Update...

BIL and demon spawn have just come in after sugar fuelled fun with estranged mad wife (such a strange setup). I asked if all was ok, and if she (mad wife) was ok and elder demon spawn (he's 6) said that she was fine. He went on to announce that she was coming to stay tomorrow and that she didn't eat fish or chicken (I don't eat meat so fun, fun, fun). Much to the complete spine crushing embarrassment of BIL, he (son) informed me that she'd rather stay in her hotel, but didn't want to pay another night while she can stay here for free.

I know this makes me sound like a doormat in her eyes, (and believe me, Im not really), the awfulness of her staying is actually assuaged by my BIL's embarrassment. As I said nothing, he actually had to mumble, 'so that's ok then?' to me. It was all I could do to not laugh. DH is livid (as he clatters down from Paddington). Bring on the gin and the self-righteous comments...

I've been to war in three different countries. Each was easier than this

popcorn I may use your line!

Please come back and tell us what happened!! With photos if possible.

You say your BIL is unassertive? You seem to be picking up this character trait somehow! Tell them to get themselves booked into a hotel or B&B immediately or else go home. It helps your DH is arriving back as he can be the one to announce this to them. I understand you don't want to be rude to in-laws

The ex-wife is a definite no-no. She has to go, even if the others stay. You should greet her at the door, feign innocence and say 'aren't you staying at the hotel x? Are you here to pick up the kids? Lovely - here they are, I've packed them a lunch of cake, chocolate and crisps. Bye'

She would have to have some neck to then persist in staying with you.

Snowsquonk : "Meals - put the crap away somewhere and ration it. Cook one meal you know most people like and that's it - you can always announce "it's spag bol tonight with garlic bread and salad - that ok with your lot BIL? No ? Do you want me to run you over to Tesco then?""

Just that. You eat what you're given in other people's houses (barring allergies). Particularly when you're 6 and under demonspawn. Or you go hungry. Or to Tesco.

on your behalf. Embrace the gin!

I think make up a bed for ex-W and then take your youngest child and go stay with relatives/friends for a few days.

I want to know what happens next