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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

with the school?

96 replies

yeahbaby · 10/07/2012 09:35

of me buying a new pair of school shoes for ds1, (12) for the remaining 8 days of school?
just had to a call from the school saying ds1 is not in correct school uniform so will be keeping him in isolation for the day and will continue to do so until he has the correct uniform.
i sent him hin with a note saying he had to wear his ( black) trainers, as his school shoes got ripped yesterday, at school, and i was not buying new ones for the remaining 8 days of school.
how did they get ripped?
a bright spark teacher decided to do something fun with the kids on their last lesson with him, and got them running about in the gym, ( in a spanish lesson) and another child stepped on his shoe at the same time as he lifted his foot. baasically taking the sole off.
there is no way i am buying a new pair of shoes, that he will grow out of before going back in sept.
aibu or is the school?

OP posts:

HandMadeTail · 10/07/2012 11:07

Hmmm.

When it snowed last winter, DD1 wore her wellies into school, and took what she thought were her school shoes in, in a bag. Unfortunately, they were DD2's shoes, which were too small.

She wasn't allowed to wear her trainers (although she had them in her kit bag) and had to walk around all day in socks.

I was very cross with the school, but as it was just one day, I didn't say anything.

I hope you get on okay when you speak to the head of year. I do think they should cut you some slack. After all, they are black trainers, and it's only for a few days.

SoupDragon · 10/07/2012 11:08

"You, on the other hand, are being unreasonable for blaming the teacher for the broken shoe."

Well, realistically, if the teacher hadn't taken them to run about in the gym during a Spanish lesson, the shoe would not have broken.

OP - YANBU. I woud not be buying shoes for the last 8 days of term.

holyfishnets · 10/07/2012 11:08

If you have no joy with the head of year, ring the head. If there is no joy with the head, email the governors and the local ESW. I'd keep him off school if he can't join in with lessons. He had a note and hasn't done anything wrong and shouldn't be in islolation.

flatpackhamster · 10/07/2012 11:09

What's the shoe made of? Can you superglue it?

Dancergirl · 10/07/2012 11:12

I would get a new pair with plenty of growing room, they will probably be fine for September.

School holidays are only 6 weeks, do you really replace your dc's shoes every 6 weeks during term time?? Summer term is a great time for buying new school shoes, saving queing up with the masses in August.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 10/07/2012 11:21

you need to make a fuss about the shoes being damaged in school iin an activity where he was unsuitably clothed.

they allowed them to be damaged by doing gym in a spanish lesson, they cut you some slack. threaten to take it to the governors as a formal copomplaint if you do not get any joy after explaing the situation reasonably.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 10/07/2012 11:23

Send him in trainers. I wouldn't buy new shoes either, it's only 8 days. If he had half a term left it would be different, but for this - no way.

Dancergirl · 10/07/2012 11:27

'Take it to the governors'??! For God's sake, it's a pair of shoes! The shoes could have been damaged by him running around. School shoes should be able to stand a bit of running in.

Either see if you can mend the sole or buy him a cheap pair and keep the school happy.

Governors! And parents wonder why they become unpopular with their child's school......

SoupDragon · 10/07/2012 11:31

I think that isolating a child for wearing trainers for the last 8 days of term when the school shoes were damaged during a teacher's misguided gym session is worthy of telling the governors.

SoupDragon · 10/07/2012 11:31

Not everyone has the money to just go and buy shoes for 8 days of wear.

Dancergirl · 10/07/2012 11:33

But it wouldn't be 8 days of wear! He can wear them in September as long as there is growing room.

5madthings · 10/07/2012 11:36

they would have been fine, it wasnt the running around but because they were being used for something that wasnt their purpose ie pe type activities and then they got stood on and pulled.

and when you say buy a pair with plenty of growing room what do you mean? a pair a size too big, which then wouldnt fit properly and would probalby rub at the heel as they would be too loose? a pair in the right size will have some growing room, shoes are designed with some growing room but if you go the next size up to get them to last longer you are then going to be wearing a pair that are too big and dont fit properly.

OhTheConfusion · 10/07/2012 11:36

YANBU, has the head called you back yet? If not I would call again as your DC is in isolation until ths matter is resolved.

After today there are only seven school days remaining and at a cost per wear that is £5 a day for a £35 pair of shoes that will probably not fit in September... rather expensive!

SoupDragon · 10/07/2012 11:37

No, he may be able to wear them. IME children's feet do not grow at a slow and steady rate.

Original poster

yeahbaby · 10/07/2012 11:41

dancer, i should buy him shoes that he can grow into?
so basically ones that dont fit him now, in the hope they may fit him in the new term?

OP posts:

5madthings · 10/07/2012 11:41

exaclty soup ds1 had stayed the same size for ages, well a good 6mths? and then he went up 2 sizes in 6 wks!

do let us know what the school say when they call you back op! :)

5madthings · 10/07/2012 11:42

yeah just dont worry that they will be too big and will probably slip/chafe and give him blisters yeah it will be fine for 8 days and with any luck they may fit in sept...

bragmatic · 10/07/2012 11:46

I think it's unreasonable to bang on about running around during Spanish class. So what if they were having fun doing something different? Does your son not run around during lunch break?

But the school should let it ride, too. It's only a week or so.

mockingjay · 10/07/2012 11:46

Dancer, that is the whole point of the thread. Yes, it started out as 'just a pair of shoes', and the OP sensibly thought the school would see it that way too.

Now the school of made bizarre, unreasonable demands, and demanded that the OP buy a pair of shoes that will be used for a few days?

Not really just about the shoes anymore is it... who do they think they are??

Dancergirl · 10/07/2012 11:51

No. But children's shoes are designed to fit NOW but with growing room of at least a few months.

I am really curious to know how often you have to replace your dc's shoes during term time due to growth? Genuine question. I think I have fairly average children size and growth wise, their school shoes generally still fit after 6 months or so.

Please don't put the blame on that poor teacher. They were running inside. They weren't playing rugby, doing hurdles or running about in the mud in their shoes. A kid stepped on the back of his shoe, it could have happened anywhere. It was an accident.

Pandemoniaa · 10/07/2012 11:52

I get really irritated about this sort of uniform fascism. There seems no room for commonsense to creep in. Keeping a child in isolation for something as trivial as this is ridiculous.

Also, while it is easy to buy cheap shoes for some children (in my case ds1) it isn't the case if you have a child with large and wide feet (step forward ds2). Often these are precisely the children who often manage to go up a size over an 8 week period!

Now I realise that if there are uniform rules then they have to be followed but for every rule there has to be some sort of flexibility on an individual basis since education is rather more important than sodding shoes! To expect anyone to buy brand new shoes a week before the summer holidays is barmy. Especially if the child does have alternative footwear which is not wildly inappropriate.

I'm not sure I'd go as far as raising this with the governors but I'd expect some sort of reasonable compromise by the school.

Passmethecrisps · 10/07/2012 11:53

Don't buy new shoes - it's ridiculous.

I frequently have kids running around the classroom for group making activities etc and sometimes these things happen. However, if they do and it means the uniform is out of service the school has I be reasonable about it.

We sometimes have parents complain that our uniform is poorly adhered to. However, the flip side of this is that if we get a letter from a parent saying "it's 3 weeks until pay day" or "it's a fortnight until the end of term" then we work with the parents. That means plenty of the kids are not in uniform but we have systems for that. No child should be removed from education on the grounds of what they are wearing.

Stick to your guns OP.

Dancergirl · 10/07/2012 11:53

Yes perhaps the school have over-reacted a bit but in a way, good discipline including school uniform matters is generally a good thing.

soozeedol · 10/07/2012 11:55

I'd be furious that my DS couldn't have his education because his shoes weren't the right ones on the last week of term....it's ridiculous that the school have isolated a child for this....

Nothing wrong with wearing uniform and I prefer that there is one at school but I would definitely not be going out and spending money on school shoes for the last week of term...wearing a pair of dark trainers or plain dark shoes should be acceptable and I'm horrified that a child can't receive an education because his shoes aren't perfect...

I'd be discussing this disgrace with the education authority and expecting to see this waiver in place immediately...bloody nonsense!!

5madthings · 10/07/2012 11:57

sometimes they last for months ie 6mths but other times they ahve a growth spurt, if i was the op i would not be buying new shoes now as they may well NOT last until sept or very long after, they may if he doesnt have a growth spurt, but he is a 12yr old boy, i have a 12yr old who has just gone up 2 sizes in 6wks!

its 8 days and he has a pair of black trainers that are fine to wear, the school are being riddiculous and yes it could have happened anywhere, but it happened when they were in the gym, they should have been wearing trainers.

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