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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lying in and naps

87 replies

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 16:42

DH gets up first thing with DD every morning for 2 hours.

Then at the weekend he gets to have a good 4-5 hour afternoon sleep on Saturday and Sunday.

Sounds like a fair deal?

OP posts:

PoppyWearer · 07/07/2012 17:28

FWIW, I'd say one afternoon nap, not both. Then at least you have one full day every weekend to spend together as a family.

We do the reverse to you as I am a morning person and DH not, so I take the mornings but then try to grab one nap (more like 2 hours, not 4-5) on either Saturday or Sunday.

But if we have plans, his lie in gets priority as he really can't cope without sleep and works 7-7+ in a very demanding job. I'm a SAHM with childcare most days, for DC1 at least.

He takes DC1 at night if she wakes (most nights but not all) and I deal with baby DC2, who wakes a few times every night.

He sometimes forgoes lie-ins to go and have some downtime doing things like sport, so I suppose that's no different to your arrangement, except it isn't both days every weekend.

Ephiny · 07/07/2012 17:34

What about if you want to all go out for the day, or do something together as a family on Saturday or Sunday afternoon? Or does that never happen? What if some social event or something that needs doing coincides with his nap time? Just wondering how inflexible he is about it...

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 17:35

We're going to his friends house tomorrow so I think he'll be missing his nap then !

OP posts:

NorfolkNChance · 07/07/2012 17:38

Er we are like this.

I have chronic fatigue syndrome and DH gets up with DD everyday apart from Saturday. On a Saturday I have a 1-2 hour nap in the afternoon. If I didn't I would be useless with tiredness and luckily have a DH who supports that.

Sundays are our main family days but if I'm having a good Saturday (ie DD hasn't woken at 5:30) then I'll forego the nap.

scummymummy · 07/07/2012 18:11

I have been in bed much of the day with an appalling hangover so feel that I don't have the right to judge! And I do understand the joy of a lovely lie in- partner and I take turns to have a morning lie-in on the weekends. However, regular 5 hour naps both days of the weekend sounds absolutely ridiculous, especially if he's getting 7-8 hours sleep a night. Is the childcare the rest of the time really so unequal that he is owed 10 hours extra sleep at the prime family time? Who looks after her in the evenings during the week?

Are you getting on ok? It sounds like given the choice he wants to be away from everyone, preferring the oblivion of sleep. Does he feel very stressed at work? Is he always tired? I would be worried about a physical or mental health problem if he doesn't feel rested after a decent night's sleep, tbh. Has he always needed so much sleep? Could he depressed? My partner wants to sleep a lot when he's feeling low and is finding it hard to cope with everyday life. I let him wallow for a while and have a rest (give and take is important between beloveds as today shows!) but we row if it continues past a few days. We both work full time, have a full on toddler, 2 teens and a house that always needs cleaning and tidying and there quite simply isn't enough room in our family system for regular hangovers, excess sleeps, people not pulling their weight, as flexible as we try to be to each others needs when we can be.

mynewpassion · 07/07/2012 18:13

Are you the poster who will have your child at CM while you are on school holiday for 5 days of the week?

If you are, more than fair enough.

TidyDancer · 07/07/2012 19:21

How much does DD wake in the night?

grobagsforever · 07/07/2012 19:22

This is a very odd arragemebt, what's really going on OP?

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 19:24

She wakes in night once or twice a week

OP posts:

grobagsforever · 07/07/2012 19:26

BTW has anyone suggested OP book a spa weekend yet?

TidyDancer · 07/07/2012 19:28

Well that puts a quite different spin on it tbh.

It doesn't seem to me like the weekday responsibilities are very fairly balanced. Again, if you're both happy with that (and I would be if I were you), that's what matters.

Would bother me that family time is being sacrified at the weekend though.

Could you offer to do a bit more during the week if he sacrifices at least one nap at the weekend?

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 19:29

What do you mean grobags???!

OP posts:

grobagsforever · 07/07/2012 19:44

I mean why on earth is your husband choosing to spend most of th weekend asleep! Didnt he have to get up in the mornings pre DC? It's very odd. He can't actually be tired.

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 19:46

We always used to have naps together before DD came along

OP posts:

Nervousfirsttimer · 07/07/2012 19:48

This thread is a wind up, yes?

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 19:49

No it's not a wind up. Why do you think it is?

OP posts:

LucieMay · 07/07/2012 19:51

I couldn't cope with an early waking child. Ds is up at 8 during the week, after 9 at the weekends. So I personally do agree that a child waking at 6am is painfully early!

Nervousfirsttimer · 07/07/2012 19:52

No one needs that much sleep! 6am is not remotely early midweek!? Thats the time both me and Dh get up on a normal day, Why does he need an extra 10 hours at the weekend?

Stonefield · 07/07/2012 19:59

I think only alcoholics, teenagers, or Really really old people need as much sleep as you two are getting. You 'used to nap together'! I bet you two are the life of the party. How bizarre!

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 20:01

Rude! Ha ha!

OP posts:

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 20:10

OP posts:

Astr0naut · 07/07/2012 20:14

TRy 430, Lucie! Ds had a lovely phase of this last year. He's currently up between 5 and 6. Dh deals with the 5 am starts, because I'm usually just returning to bed after dealing with dd's feeds.

Can't wait until they're teenagers and we've become inured to early starts. I will buy a bloody great bell and ring it at 6 am every Saturday and Sunday.

Thatsnotmypenguin · 07/07/2012 20:19

Why not take the early mornings in turn?

Original poster

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 21:21

I hate early mornings. Guess I'll stick to afternoons alone

OP posts:

HipHopOpotomus · 07/07/2012 21:31

What we do most weekends is DP does first thing and then I get up around 8 or 9 (sometimes later) and he goes for his lie in until 11 or 12. He would sleep later but I usually won't let him unless the DC AND I GO out without him on a Saturday and he cleans flat and watches sport.

This works as we then have family time in afternoon.

DP does most weekday mornings first thing. I do most bedtimes and get up in the night (BF DD2). It's usually a pretty good balance/team.

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