to be mad about felt pen and 2 yr old?

[WelshCat]

ExP has just started access with my 23 month old DS. Its in a contact centre, he gets 1hr a fortnight.

The second time DS saw him he came out and his brand new (v. expensive) jumper was covered in felt pen. Like he had actually been drawing on himself. I was fuming and told the staff I would be billing ExP for the jumper if the pen did not come out.

It did come out. BUT... AIBU to be mad about it? I dont think I should have to dress DS in shitty clothes to visit his father. Or, do you take the point of view that ExP 'doesn't know any better'. IMO he shouldn't be the sole carer at any time of a toddler if he doesn't know better.

He also doesn't pay maintenance. If he did I may be more forgiving about the jumper.

Sounds like you just want him to fail and you are just looking for problems

It's not about the felt tip - you said yourself it washed out of the jumper.

He's a toddler...they draw on stuff...it came out...chill out!

Don't buy very expensive jumpers for toddlers. Problem solved.

Actually, I would be pissed off. A two year old was unsupervised with a pen. What if he's stick it in his eye which 18 mo DD would definitely do?

dreesing child for session at contact centre...

shitty clothes - no.
clothes to play in ( and maybe get messy in ) - yes.
Best clothes - no.

clothes that fit and are reasonably clean - yes.

I would never dress a toddler in anything expensive for any occasion.

Then I am never annoyed at them ruining clothes.

When I was a cn it drove me mad when kids turned up in designer gear and I quite rightly got out the paint and glitter.

I used to ask parents not to dress to impress and if they ignored and stuff got messy or torn ( good day at park) then tough.

Think other issues going on op that are far more important than clothes.

Wait until they're at school and draw on their clothes with pen that doesn't come out.

Who you going to bill then?

Op...sounds like you were setting him up to fail

Now you are looking for ways to prevent contact. Shame on you!! Did your ds have a nice time?? do you care?

Baby Goo is covered in pen all the time.

I don't think I am a negligent mother, they are non toxic, I'm with her, she just likes drawing on herself and eating the pens.

YABU. Children should have clothes that they are allowed to be children in.

You are pissed off with your ex, fair enough, but don't make it about a jumper.

DS just has nice clothes. I like to dress him in decent clothes that will last is all!

If we were at home and he was drawing, I would take off his top/jumper and leave him in his vest.

The general vibe is that IABU? Fair enough! Its difficult to gage how I would react if ExP was not involved, which is why I posted here. I just think an almost 2 year old shouldn't be playing with pens?? And that maybe a parent would know this!!

dowagers. My ds1 is terrible at this (he's finishing yr1). We have had 3yrs of indelible pen on tops/ jumpers etc. He looks a right state even when the clothes are newly washed.

Agree with kk - OP you are looking for things to have a go over. Not surprised. He has obviously hurt you, and continues to by not paying anything for his child. But try and let it lie, and foster the relationship with your ds's dad.

My 2yo drew all over his face the other day with a blue felt tip. It's what happens when felt tips and babies get together. I think your issue is with your ExP rather than the felt tip

Why shouldn't a child of this age be 'playing with pens' why?? He was supervised... Staff had put them out

KatherineKavanagh, I never said I was preventing contact, on here or to ExP, I just said I was mad about there being pen on the jumper! I wouldn't try to stop contact because of it! That would be unreasonable!

My 3yr olds have been using felt tips for ages (I do buy the washable ones). They have an older brother so they use his. And no, they won't stick them in their eyes, or chew them more than once. There is no way you can supervise a toddler to that extent, it will not do you or them any favours.

Staff did not have them put out, it was a random floor pen which shouldn;t have been in the centre. They don't have a drawing/pen type space.

And the use of the word "shitty" in this context extinguishes any sympathy I may have had.

I am prepared to admit, after the overwhelming response in ExP's favour, that I may have been being unreasonable!!

its pen it washed out, he drew on himself which is what toddlers, do, even WHEN they are supervised they still manage to draw on themselves ime!

put him in clothes that you dont mind if they get stained, sometimes clothes do get ruined by toddlers. as he is having contact at a childrens centre i would imagine all the pens they would let a child play wiht would be washable anyway, unlike once they are primary school and use whiteboard marker pens that DONT wash out!

Oh, and "decent clothes that will last" didn't help either. Obviously expensive clothes last longer then cheaper ones. They grow with the child, you know........

Seems like it's just a one-off thing. If she comes home after every visit with him covered in stuff all over her then you can be mad.

He's not really a parent though, is he? He prob doesn't know these things.
Never understand v expensive clothes for toddlers, makes no sense.

seeker, a £2 jumper from primark will not last as long as a £15 jumper from next. Its not like I sent him in there wearing an Armarni suit.

a £4 jumper from Tesco will be fine. Next is for weddings.