Really, really rubbish birthday presents...

[EmmalinaC]

Last week was DD's 6th Birthday. My DSIL (DH's DS) sent her some clothes from Oxfam (where she volunteers) which included a faded brown t-shirt (which still had someone else's name on in biro in the label) and a plain white t-shirt, with a small stain on the front.

DD does a lovely line gratitude but she was utterly perplexed by why her auntie had sent her someone else's old clothes.

AIBU in thinking this is the most rubbish present ever?!

We haven't sent a thankyou note which DSIL will think is outrageous

Notes: DSIL is not skint (quite the opposite) and she has DDs of her own (and last Christmas asked us to buy them Sylvanian feckin' Families) so it's not as if she doesn't understand what little girls like... But the other thing is that she's a really kind person. I am frankly baffled by the whole thing.

Oh and I couldn't care less about stuff being second hand - my DPs gave DD a fabulous dressing-up outfit they'd found in a charity shop and she was chuffed to bits with it!

My DMIL thinks we should write to her and tell her we're upset [hmmm] but I can't help thinking this might be rather inflammatory!

So. AIBU? And WWYD?!

Maybe she picked up the wrong bag in Oxfam?

Of course you can't tell her you were upset. Don't be daft. Perhaps she thought the clothes were nice and she didn't spot the stain or name on the label. Perhaps she wanted to support the charity and realises that material possessions are not the be all and end all.

DD should still write a thank you note, regardless of whether she liked the present or not.

Possibly Frontpaw some of them weren't even the right size... but she managed to wrap them up without noticing

What else did the present include?

I think that's insulting, actually. It's one thing getting a present you don't like - that happens to all of us at some point, but to send dirty clothes for a little girl's birthday present is just awful.

Well ds2 was given organic nappies as a Christmas present. That's pretty crappy. YANBU to be upset.

Ken present included two everyday dresses, one clearly second hand, one possibly new.

If it were me I would wait a year and give them as a 'hand me down' to her daughters!

My grandmother used to buy me and my brother charity shop and jumble sale clothes for birthdays and christmas. Often they were awful colours or the wrong size. She would boast to my mum that she got them for 5p or something. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she used to buy my aunt really expensive presents.

Your SIL sounds really mean.

Sounds very mean. I'm not shy of charity shops myself but wouldn't have done this.

Was she trying to tell you something or get back at you for something? Can't believe anyone would buy used and stained plain clothes for a little girl's birthday without a motive

At least you know now what to give her next Christmas :)

Yanbu. However I came home today to find a message asking me to order a present for dds birthday, from the pils. They a laptop but won't order anything over the internet. Her birthday is on Saturday so I had to pay extra to get it delivered. When dh called them they refused to pay for the postage, even though i found the gift for less than they expected. I didn't push it. They are generally nice people. I just let it go.

How odd.

Especially as she has dd.

Really poo gift for a child.

I got rollmops for my 30th b day, but that's a whole new thread!!

Think I would ask my dd to send a thank you note and let it pass. But if it happened again I would question why she thinks it's ok for your dd to get this as a gift, but she expects her dd to receive syl fam.

How mean. Whilst you want to take the moral high ground and acknowledge a gift, you don't really want to encourage more of the same!

Next time she asks for Sylvanian Families tell her they are out of stock at your local Marie Curie shop.

Maybe the light was bad in the shop and she didn't spot the marks? And maybe she was having one of those moments, where you realise how spoilt your DC are and thought it was a nice gesture???

Or, maybe she's making a point about something?

Strange.
I'd still get DD to write a brief thank you note though, otherwise you're telling her it's ok to be selective about who you thank.

Maybe DMIL can tell her you've put them in the garment recycling bin knowing she'd approve of regifting given the clothes were faded and marked...?

Yes, get dd to write a polite note thanking her aunt for her gift.

Dear Aunty X

Thank you very much for the clothes you sent. It was very kind of you to think of me.

I had a lovely party with my friends at the zoo, then we came home and had tea and played with the lovely toys i was given. I look forward to seeing you soon

Love from DD

DD was born in October. For Christmas my mother gave her a 3-6 month outfit. So far so good. Light cotton blouse and light cotton shorts. With stains. From the charity shop where she volunteers. DS gotta Barney soft toy dinosaur with someone else's name on the label and a cigarette burn on it's tail. Fortunately he is only 3, and really into dinosaurs. DD was far too big forvher outfit by the time it was remotely warm enough to wear it.

How weird!

There are some people in this life who love getting stuff but who always give either nothing or crap in return. There are 2 in our family.
I have figured they either don't give a rats arse about other people or they get a small kick out of spending as little as they can - probably both.
Don't waste your time worrying about it but in my case I lowered the amount I spent as it was pissing me off so much.