to expect an engagement card from my colleagues?

[Ambivalence]

I?m the token spinster in a team of 10 married people. For the 2 years I?ve worked here, i?ve had to endure well meaning queries about whether I will ever settle down/ advice on how to get a man and admonishment to just get on with it as I am 35 and have only a few child bearing years left.

It?s a friendly public sector team, and my colleague are a nice bunch, so there is a constant stream of birthday cards to sign, and whip rounds for new baby presents, flowers for colleagues who are sick - my boss decides what cards etc are required and then asks me ( ALWAYS just ME) to organise them.

Last week I announced my engagement ? my colleagues did congratulate me in person, but AIBU to be miffed that it doesn?t merit a card?

I send engagement cards to close family and friends and received plenty. At work though we had 3 engagements this year and no cards. You will get one for your wedding.

Another YABU but I want to add that you sound a lovely colleague! Congratulations!

YABU- I only send an engagement card to very very close friends, I certainly wouldn't organise one for colleagues and didn't expect to receive one myself.

I'm another one who hasn't seen an engagement card.
It would never occur to me to look for one when someone gets engaged.
A quick look at the ring and a nod of approval should suffice.

I want to add that working somewhere for two years isn't that long , when I had been in my present job for around two years I had an op and it barely raised any acknowledgement from my colleagues at all in fact I felt a bit hurt, fast forward six years and when I hurt my back I had loads of get well messages on fb and via texts, as I have now established some really good friendship at work, congratulations on your engagement

I really wouldnt worry Ambivalence. l am sure you are really well thought of by your colleagues you sound lovely - and how refreshing to hear of a large office where everyone on the whole seems to get along judging from your OP. As others have said l am sure you will get a card/whip round etc etc for your wedding.
Besides l worked in a proper witches coven,spent all day bitching about whoever had just left the room (l left in the end, awful) and they did have a whip round for flowers and card for my engagement. But they did it for everyone for absolutely everything and the two who did it would make a huge song and dance - like, 'arent we wonderful'. They would then have a bitch fest about who put what in. So to me really it was meaningless. Your colleagues congratulations at least sound genuine.

Congratulations from me too btw.

£100 per head?? What you feeding them? Roast Swan?

bridezilla alert.

£100 a head is nothing these days!! The younger girls at work are quoting these sort of figures all the time, not that I think much of it, my wedding back in the early 90's cost £10 a head for the afternoon reception

I've never sent an engagement card to anyone, and don't think I've ever been sent one. To me an engagement isn't an event, it's just a decision to get married and the marriage is the event.
I send cards to people getting married.

I am very relieved that an engagement card just wouldn't occur to most people - in that case they are back in my good books.

What a nice AIBU ending :)

I have sent engagement cards to my friends, but I've also sent them "new home" cards, and I wouldn't expect to send or receive anything on that level to/from colleagues.

We got an engagement card from SIL, I was as I'd never heard of such a thing. If your colleagues said 'congratulations' and wished you well in person, surely that's enough?

If you're fed up of organising cards for other people, can you just not do it in future? It's not compulsory, surely?

Yes you are. When you actually get married I am sure they will shower you with gifts, fuss and cards. Right now all that has actually happened is that you have decided you will get wed at some point. Big whoop for you, barely even a minimal whoop for everyone else. Sorry

Maybe you were meant to sort out your own card if you're normally the only one who does it ;)

Have any of them been engaged when you've worked there? Did they get a card?

Congratulations! You are being a bit U/over sensitive, I've never sent an engagement card to anyone (am known for sending cards).

If it makes you feel better I've worked in my small close team for 5 years, recently had a baby & got nowt. Senior manager had one a few weeks before me and there was nearly £100 in the collection - now that makes me feel unpopular! Have had gifts from work friends individually so assume they either didn't do a collection for me or it was so pathetic they decided not to bother :(

Where I work someone seems to get engaged every month. We have collections for weddings and babies quite often but I've not seen an engagement card in the 15 years I've been there.

I'm 27 and I get and expected engagement cards! Maybe it's only a fairly recent thing? For me, getting engaged was the most amazing day and much more special than the anniversary of the day I came into existence. I got cards from my friends but not from my colleagues. (not an office)

I have been talking to a few of the girls at work over the last year since I have been at my new place.
They tell me about the Asian weddings they go to and I'm always at everything !!

One has been to 7 weddings this year and she was telling me about the etiquette and that one wedding was scaled down to 400 people. I said I didn't even know 400 people!! That apparently was a small wedding and a lot of people were offended at not getting invites.
It's costing her a FORTUNE in dresses as she can't wear the same one twice as people get upset!

£100 per head seems not so bad after listening to some of the wedding tales I've been hearing!

Congratulations on your engagement

But, and i mean this kindly, your private life is not that important to your colleagues. Questions they have asked you about whether you will settle down one day etc are just polite interest, they aren't really that bothered.

Let your friends and family be happy for you and get on with your work at work!

"Maybe it's only a fairly recent thing?"

Well I got engaged in 1993 & got some-mainly from friends & family, though-but also a couple from people was studying with at the time-who I was also friends with iyswim.

I´m not surprised that there´s not a collection at work for an engagement-but it´s sad that none of the work colleagues thought to buy a card individually.

Oh no....my coleague got engaged and I didnt even think of a card!

I work in a place that is 97% male. We have never had a whip round for anything - people leaving, weddings, births etc.

Wouldn't have it any other way. The watch I'm wearing - I bought it. I depend on me.

Slobby

YANBU - I would expect a card anyway, especially if your office is very much the whip round, card/present giving kind, and after all their comments, you'd think they would be desperate to finally celebrate it with you!
My old office (lots of people) was like that with the constant whip rounds - and we would always do a card and a collection of money if anyone got engaged, whether it was a man or a woman, and we would also do a wedding one, and a baby one as well as birthdays/promotions/leaving ones! god no wonder I was broke while working there
If that makes me a bridezilla to expect an engagement card, then so be it!
I am at people saying they've never heard of Engagement cards - really?!

Congratulations!
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=engagement+card&um=1&hl=en&client=safari&sa=N&rls=en&biw=1246&bih=993&tbm=isch&tbnid=Ww7C3yfnvVoCbM:&imgrefurl=greetings.webdunia.com/english/engagement/betrothal-278.html&docid=UjF4eKeiDQWB7M&imgurl=greetings.webdunia.com/cards/en/engagement/bi_engagement_08_nov_28_162503.jpg&w=450&h=300&ei=4xj0T7fuFdCu8QOVrvCVBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=854&vpy=197&dur=925&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=172&ty=95&sig=110118714065256870265&page=2&tbnh=155&tbnw=207&start=38&ndsp=42&ved=1t:429,r:12,s:38,i:271" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here is a fabulously tacky card from all of your MN friends

I just got engaged - wasn't expecting anything and we are inundated with engagement cards and even gifts..... was amazed (and very grateful obviously) although it does make me wonder that all our friends and family appear to be quite thankful we are engaged. Maybe they secretly don't like the fact we are about to have a baby and aren't married