to expect an engagement card from my colleagues?

[Ambivalence]

I?m the token spinster in a team of 10 married people. For the 2 years I?ve worked here, i?ve had to endure well meaning queries about whether I will ever settle down/ advice on how to get a man and admonishment to just get on with it as I am 35 and have only a few child bearing years left.

It?s a friendly public sector team, and my colleague are a nice bunch, so there is a constant stream of birthday cards to sign, and whip rounds for new baby presents, flowers for colleagues who are sick - my boss decides what cards etc are required and then asks me ( ALWAYS just ME) to organise them.

Last week I announced my engagement ? my colleagues did congratulate me in person, but AIBU to be miffed that it doesn?t merit a card?

YABU to expect anything but congrats on your engagement :)

I had lots of engagement cards when I got engaged in 1987! However it was 3 years before we actually got married!

I think that these days people often say they are "engaged" when really it's somehow marking a stage between "going out" and "long term relationship". In other words, it doesn't have the same connotations as it used to years ago, and therefore not such a big deal.

Not that I'm saying that's what it is for you....you seem to have it all planned out nicely!

I am very relieved that an engagement card just wouldn't occur to most people - in that case they are back in my good books.

I am hesitant to invite my colleagues to my wedding -we only have space for 100, which isn't that many friends actually since most of the couples have at least 2 kids, and are not having a seperate evening "do" so it would be quite an added expense (we are budgetting £100/head for the adults for a great meal and lots of nice wines).

I am wondering pondering about just inviting my boss ( she is from a fairly traditional greek background, and i think she would think it would be respectful/ appropriate), and i do like her - but not sure if i want to cross that professional/personal boundary with her..

I don't do engagement cards, just would never occur to me.

I was a bit mortified earlier on in the year when my dad got engaged and I went round his house a couple of weeks later there were cards everywhere. It just hadn't crossed my mind for my own dad so certainly wouldn't for a colleague.

'Token spinster'? Really?

I would never think to send an engagement card.

You know what you are over thinking this wedding totally and by the cars and flower choosing time you will be off your head!!!

No I wouldn't expect a card for an engagement.

Invite who you WANT not on basis of should I or will they be pissed off if I don't invite.

Relax, you sound like a lovely people pleaser, now for your wedding please YOURSELF....

£100 per head and you're paying for 100 people!!!

Blimey.

Wouldn't you do better saving your money and having another year off on maternity leave? (And I know you earn more than that, but when you take childcare into account it would make a hell of a difference.)

YABU but you seem very nice.

I wouldnt dream of getting an engagement card for someone.
Have a lovely wedding.

I had a 'friend' who used to get into a major strop because friends and family didnt buy her a wedding anniversary card every bloody year

Many congratulations on your engagement!

£100 a head for the wedding breakfast - that's pretty good going - I hope you're not going to be the next Mrs Cruise!

I haven't even received one from my sister or parents

I agree that £10,000 could be a lot better spent, and I would prefer to put it towards getting a bigger house, but OH and I we have been saving, and we have enjoyed some wonderful hospitality at other people's weddings, and want to treat our friends and family to a fantastic day.

The big wedding is also very important to my mother, I am from an indian family and it is traditional for parents to pay for their daughters weddings, and invite all of their friends. I am one of 5 (all as yet unmarried children) , this is the first wedding ( and at this rate, realistically may be the only one), and so it is v important to my mother to invite her friends to "repay" the hospitality she has had at their children's weddings. hence me not being bridezilla-ish - i don't need to, my mother will do it all for me. My mother also told me that she and my late father had set aside £25,000 for each of their daughters weddings (which is fairly modest for an indian wedding which can be 400 people and a week's hospitality..), and so she will make up any shortfall in our savings from that, but her priority is to spend it on the wedding, not towards a bigger house. They both desperately wanted a big family wedding and to invite all their friends.

I also know I am going to be accused now of being massively spoilt and entitled, but this level of parental generosity is absolutely normal in indian families, and even though I am not marrying someone of an indian background,saving to do the same for my (future) kids is a big priority for me too.mal

Never heard of an engagement card. Also 'friendly public sectors. FWIW, I've had two babies and 1 collection - when I went off with DC1. When he arrived 2 weeks later, I don't think it crossed anyone's mins that I merited another collection. When I went off with DC2, I was the team leader and the one who normally organised delegated card buying and collations, and no one thought to do anything.

Of course your not spoilt or entitled. My parents paid for our wedding as well because it was important to them and it was of course lovely for us too.

Your mum will have a fabulous time arranging it all so lucky you.

Please just remember that I bet your colleagues will get you a lovely wedding present and invite who you want to your wedding not who you think ought to come.

Best of luck.

I'm surprised at the number of people on here who don't do engagement cards. We had tons. My initial thought was YANBU, mainly because I got one from work, but p'rhaps not if that many people think it is U.

We do cards for engagements, presumably weddings, Significant Birthdays, and big bunches of flowers for babies.

I have never given or received an engagement card. I kind of think of them along the lines of "congratulations you're having a baby!" card - completely unnecessary and possibly a bit (god forbid) too soon - verbal congratulations on the announcement that something good is going to happen, card/present etc when it actually occurs.

At my (friendly but not public sector) work, we do cards and collections for leaving, weddings and going on maternity leave. Then usually flowers after the baby is born. Never anything for engagements.

Congratulations! (but you wouldn't be getting a card from me )

Never heard of engagement cards but congratulations :)

I assume you get birthday cards though?

It wouldn't occur to me to give an engagement card either - I had no idea they even did them.
I've always just thought of an engagement as being between the couple much as an anniversary is.

You are NOT being unreasonable to think a card would have been nice. I got a card from my office (40+ at the time) when I got engaged and I would definitely think of it for anybody else. Some people are just more sentimental/thoughtful/been through it themselves (not to say that people who wouldn't think of it aren't thoughtful) but hopefully you know what I mean.
Big congratulations to you.

Thanks again for all of the congratulations - I like Mumsnet - you are such a friendly and kind bunch...warm fuzzies

Am surprised that so many haven´t heard of engagement cards.

I´d have got you one,OP.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.com/imgres?q=engagement+card&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=PkB&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=7BfVtHwUofLlRM:&imgrefurl=www.wompomcards.co.uk/wedding-and-engagement-cards_31.htm&docid=_eXW3-6wzdUJXM&imgurl=www.north-west-wedding.co.uk/websites/website-images/46/w2---bouquet-heart-engagement---raspberry.jpg&w=700&h=700&ei=WmLzT7G8Mcql8gOduI3cCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=907&vpy=322&dur=2498&hovh=225&hovw=225&tx=118&ty=181&sig=113154146177469131116&page=3&tbnh=147&tbnw=177&start=56&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:56,i:334&biw=1366&bih=660" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Congratulations.

YABU to expect anything.

I think I would feel a little like I had made effort for everyone else but no one had done so for me. In reality though, it's probably that your boss hasn't got a back up card buyer! I do engagement cards for friends but we don't do them at work.

Congratulations :)

That should say, I'd feel miffed if I never got cards, not just if I didn't get an engagement card.

YABU, but I remember being a bit like this the first time when I got engaged.

I think you'd get a card if you had a party

I am surprised so many haven't heard of engagement cards...there are plenty in the racks in Tesco with the wedding and anniversary cards!