to ask you what jobs your children do around the house

[biddysmama]

spin off from my packed lunch thread, serious question tho, i was my mums (and brother and sister) carer when i was 10 so not sure whats normal

My teenage DC's are are ok with helping about the house but sometimes it's all a bit passive agressive, eg very very wiggly mowed lines in the lawn, paired socks that don't actually match, a little too much asking where things go when unpacking shopping and dishwasher. err the same place they have for the last 5 years putting frozen food in the fridge and fresh things in the freezer. etc etc. I am on to them though.

fedup Will your DP support you in getting your DC to help more, even if that means he has to set an example by doing the dishes?

I agree that DC need a break straight after school. My method obviously doesn't work for everyone, but this is why when I started to get tough, I started by saying that 'after dinner, no one sits down until the chores/help/housework is done. That way everyone sits down/chills/plays at the same time.'

This way, the DC had from after school until dinner was eaten to have a bit of a break. If DS chose to save himself more work after dinner by starting before dinner was ready (with whatever jobs needed to be done that day) then that was always his choice.

If your DC are raring to get back to their screens, then the battle should be an easy one, so long as you remain strong and make sure everything is done before they sit down.

In my house, DS does a lot more than DD (he is much older) and if he hasn't done it properly, he has to go over it again until it is done properly. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect reasonable. For example, I wouldn't let him get away with wiping a line through the worktops, or just randomly dragging the hoover over the floor for 34 seconds .

Once the DC realised that as soon as it was done, they could do what they want to do, they soon got on with it.

Hope it works out for you, and would love to hear how you get on.

DS, 14, empties dishwasher and puts away, tidies, hoovers and dusts his own room, puts out the recycling, cleans the bathroom once a week.

I am also going to try and get him to cook once a week too as he's still just about got enthusiasm for cooking so I need to take advantage of that before it goes.

But I do make his sandwiches in the morning and he is incredibly messy around the house which infuriates me and sometimes it's just easier to pick a sock up than nag him to come downstairs and do it. Sigh.

DS 1 - 9. Makes packed lunches, puts uniform out, puts dirty clothes in the wash, clears away dishes after meals, sorts laundry and puts his laundry away in cupboards, tidy's his toys away, makes own bed. Occasionally hoovers or wipes down the floors or makes beans on toast.

DS 2 - 4. Sorts laundry puts own laundry away with help, puts dirty washing in washing bin, clears dishes away, clears toys away, makes own bed with help, uses a dust pan and brush to clear odd spots of dirt and wipes down babies highchair (he asks to do the last two!)

DS 3 1. Nothing but helps make a lot of mess!

We have a tidy up session before kids leave the house in the morning. I set the timer and put some music on and everyone gets stuck in whilst singing for 10 mins.

Littlemiss, tonight I reminded them of the new rule and.they were all really keen, (except dp) and we clattered and bumped about the kitchen after supper. No arguing or conflict. It was slightly comedic but worked.

Dd was off school today and dp took her out to buy the bag I said I would get her if she tidied her room. He denies knowledge of that agreement.

I think the way to go is to stick to simple rules, not attached to deals and money as I won't be supported by dp, who is a bit of a lone wolf aspergers. I have to make them do stuff just because I said so, rather than because there's a treat in it for them. They seem to be responding because we are all doing it together.

It isn't plain sailing though by any means, this morning dd12 went ballistic at me because I changed the lock code on the tv (dp had told her the last one). Spitting, slamming, insulting and then forced crying until Daddy rescued her.

14 yr old ds- puts clothes away, makes bed every day, strips bed once a week, dusts & vacuums room, puts washing on maybe once or twice per week, loads tumble dryer as and when, loads up bread maker, feeds/cleans fish & rabbits, mows lawn maybe 2x per month if dh away, unloads dishwasher at weekends, walks dog if necessary, cooks a fair bit.

10 yr old ds - as above but much less willing and without lawn mowing, animal feeding & cooking.

They both load dishwasher after meals.

I tend to think they're both a bit idle, but having typed it out, they don't seem so bad.

DS is nearly 3, and I'm also trying to encourage a lot of helping so it seems more normal later! .DH was never asked/allowed to do anything around his house, whilst my brother and I did loads and were quite capable from an early age.

At the moment, DS regularly:

-Feeds the dog (1 scoop only please!)
-Puts his dirty clothes in the laundry basket
-Helps with laundry (puts clothes in/takes clothes out of the machine, puts soap in (I measure), presses 'start')
-Puts his own clean clothes away (knows which drawers things go in)
-Puts dishes in the sink (but only if plastic that won't break!)
-Puts rubbish in the bin and recycling in separate bin

All that stuff he loves doing and you generally only need to ask once, but I'd trade it all if he would just help pick up his toys without tons of cajoling/threats! 38 weeks pregnant and I just can't bend to do it any more.

He's good husband material already, YankNCock!

Oh yes, and he's got his first crush already, on our neighbour's daughter who is nearly 8. He named a worm after her. Charming, right?

My lazy children do very little around the house and moan if they are asked to do anything. I shall sit them all down and read this thread out to them in the morning!

Not a great deal. DD1 (13) will strip her bed and lay the table. DD2 with SEN (9) will lay the table, help take dirty dishes to kitchen, help load/unload dishwasher and put clothes over clothes airer. All jobs done after prompting.

On the other hand I have epilepsy and both girls know what to do to take care of me when I have a seizure. Needless to say they jump into action immediately. Which is more valuable than household chores. I am very blessed to have them.

My parents didn't 'believe in' making us do chores. So we didn't do any.

Now they wonder why they have three kids who have left home unable to keep a house.

We are all really struggling to retrain ourselves to realise it needs to be done now and get the housework done. It's been a nightmare.

Why couldn't they have just been our parents and taught us how to do housework and given us the responsibility?!?!

Ridiculous!!

Any parents out there doing that with their kids, please stop, you are not 'giving them a childhood' you are just not preparing them for the future.

Whoops, that was a bit of a rant

Trying to get DS (4) to tidy up after himself. Help make dinner (stirring etc). Anything really. Just when I remember, I'll ask him. Sometimes he takes a bit of persuading though.

Same here Onatopp :(

Dd(14) cooks dinner once a week
Make packed lunch
Cleans bathroom
Loads or unloads the dishwasher
Puts wash on, takes out, dries, folds, puts away
Keeps her room tidy

Ds1(13)
Cooks dinner once a week
Hoovers living room, dining room, hall and stairs.
Washes out the wheelie bins
Washing as above
Walks the dog
Loads/unloads dishwasher.

Ds2 (8)
Sets table for dinner
Clears table afterwards
Tidy bedroom
Tidies the shoe rack in the hall
Polishes
Puts away plates, cutlery etc when dishwasher is unloaded.

They do some of these jobs in the morning and some after school.

The older 2 also sort out their school bags before bed and make sure they have uniform for the next day.

They both iron their clothes as well.

Hmm let's see....

DCs aged 11, 11 and 9 are expected to:
empty dishwasher, set table for dinner and clear dishes away afterwards, feed the cat, and sometimes bring in and stack firewood and get a fire going (DS loves doing this). Also expected to make beds and keep rooms tidy (though sometimes pigs might fly), put dirty washing in basket, helping unpack and put away the weekly shopping.

DD1 makes coffee at weekends for DH and me, but she loves it and asks to do it! DD2 makes a mean on weekend mornings for me too.

Having read this thread though they could do a lot more though....and I do pack their lunches (haven't read the other thread)....

fedup Sounds like your biggest hurdle is going to be getting your DP on board, supporting you in this.

If your DC see their father doing nothing around the house, and know he will give them the lock code for the tv, when you have specifically put it on to prevent the DC watching tv until they have done XYZ, then you are going to find it tough to get them engaged for long.

Does your DP realise he is sabotaging your efforts to help your DC become more responsible and capable adults? What do your DC see your DP doing around the house?

Littlemiss, He does loads of DIY, but cleaning only when he feels like it. He's not lazy, just no sense of teamwork or cooperation. He busies himself. Always busy with something, mostly stuff that isn't what we need him to do, hobbies, movies, DIY. On the,other hand I'm a bit lazy slack with chores, because I feel pushed into it. sick to back teeth of cooking, cleaning, picking up. He never does anything I ask so I have stopped asking. He does sabotage things though, especially with the kids routines.

Great post missonatop, flylady exists for people like you. I had a strict e upbringing in a big family with two full time working parents so I am used to cooperation.

It is mad that running a home can be so demanding on time and energy but I guess it is a fact we have to accept unless we turn into Buddhist monks.

DS 9 - Tidy's up after himself, Cooks dinner, makes beds, sweeps stairs, lays the table, clears the table, puts the washing machine on, sorts out clean clothes, feeds cats, polishes, Hoovers ...

None of them are 'his' jobs - just stuff that I ask him to do (usually 2 things a day or so - some days nothing some days maybe 3 'jobs')

DS1 (16) takes over responsibility for the horses when I'm at work , feeding , rug changing , grooming , daily checks etc . Also does general room tidying, irons ds4 and dd2 uniforms , takes over babysitting .

Ds2 clears table after dinner , fills and empties dishwasher , puts uniforms through the wash nightly and hangs them out .

Ds3 lays table for dinner , clears after , sweeps kitchen floor , and brings in wood for the log burner .

Dd1 6 , empties bins , sorts recycling , and is chief finder of lost items , usually ds4 's shoes or glasses .

Ds4 , 5 , feeds the dogs .

They are all expected to put their clean clothing away, bring dirty washing down , tidy the bathroom so that others can use it without mucking it out first , and have their bedroom floors tidy nightly . I have a personal hatred of standing on stuff in the middle of the night . Particularly Lego .

There's just too many of us for them to do nothing , and they have to learn that just as in real life , everyone has a role to play . Doing bugger all is not going to happen . That said , the expectation doesn't always stop the eye rolling ...