to think helping with the children means helping with the children?

[Rhubarbgarden]

MIL has flown in from abroad for a few days to help with the children (2 year old dd and six week old ds). This morning I am BFing ds and dd wakes up and starts shouting to be got up and given her milk. I ask DH to do it as he passes en route from the bathroom, but he says his mother will do it as he is taking advantage of her being there to go into work early. Fine. Except that MIL turns out to be 'busy'; she is cleaning the oven. So dd has to wait till I've rushed finishing feeding ds and can get the two of them downstairs and sorted out.

Now I know it won't kill dd to wait for her milk, but really, if I wanted my oven cleaning I wouldn't have left it six years I would get my cleaner to do it; the whole point of MIL flying in is to help with the kids. Or am I being ungrateful?

Her dad was there, dad should have fed toddler, I wouldn't let my DH just walk away and tell me his mum will do it. MIL probably had chemicals on her hands and seeing as her son was in the house decided to carry on cleaning the oven, simple really and not MILs fault.

The kind of loon who gets all peculiar about their MIl "taking over" with their children, Cailin

Its the DH who needs a kick up the arse. He cant just opt out of being a parent for a week and fly his mum in to do his bit!

It's the fact you put in your op that your mil was 'busy' cleaning the oven, in inverted commas as if she wasn't. If you'd said she was 'busy' reading Woman's Own I could have understood your frustration.
You sound monumentally ungrateful tbh.

Yabu, she was probably covered in oven grease / cleaner and didn't want to touch dd covered in chemicals etc. dh should have helped, or you could of bf on the move or taken ds off for 2 mins whilst you got dd out.

Graham TBF if an oven hasn't been cleaned for 6 years I would guess there is no point in trying - surely you would just buy a new one

I am sure MIL just thought she was being helpful - presumably when she started the oven dd was asleep and you were feeding DS. Not fair to make her stop mid-job. Maybe have a quite word with her and say that you are very grateful for your shiny oven but you dont' need any more jobs doing.

I would probably say I hadnt cleaned mine for 6 years to indicate that it isnt on my regular jobs list, but I have only owned it for a 18 months!

And yes, I do cook for my children Graham but I dont think that my oven getting dirty is down to them, but down to my somewhat haphazard cooking, something that would happen if I lived on my own.

Blimey! I've just read several of these posts and am rather shocked! Did this poor mother in law know she had flown in from abroad not to visit her son and his family but to work as a mother's help/nanny?

Hasn't she already done her stint of child rearing? Being a granny should be a pleasure, not a chore don't you think? Picture yourself in 30 years' time, worn out from bringing up your own children then expected to knuckle down and help out with someone else's!
Have a heart!

Ah but years ago thats what grandparents did as a matter of course, extended family was a lot more common than it seems to be now and everyone mucked in and helped each other!!

I'm going to have to hide this thread. The number of jealous spiteful people being downright awful to the mum of a six week old baby is pissing me off. So you don't all have ohs or mils or cleaners to help? Well fwiw neither do or did I - I have an oh who works away most of the time, had two kids with a 19mth age gap and am about to have two with a 15mth gap but can still see the ops point. Her mil specifically said she was coming to help with the kids then took it upon herself to decide to clean the oven at a time of day when it can be most stressful with young kids. That's just not helpful. And an unhelpful visitor when u have young kids is a pointless one (which is what gets said on all newborn/visitor threads).

Oh and I'm sure the ops cleaner has cleaned her oven in six yrs which will be why the op hasn't.

lilblonde hear hear, my thoughts exactly

And mine! Why oh why do people think that just because they had to struggle on alone, so should every bugger else?

When you have a newborn, you need support with day to day stuff cleaning the oven doesn't come into that category unless the mil had asked and the op had said yes. Someone mentioned enjoying the pleasure of being a granny. Well cleaning the oven wouldn't be part of that either, would it? Wouldn't getting your granddaughter out of bed be more of a granny role????

Yanbu. I have a 19mth gap between my DCs and could've cheerfully throttled the people who came 'to help'. A 2yo and 6 week old is hard work, and all you want is for them both to be given attention and kept happy. Exactly what Grannies always profess to do so well!

I sympathise op.
I have a mil who thinks she is helping and just drives me insane

She does things like this all the time, starts big jobs in the kitchen when I am just about to start dinner.
Hangs washing out in the kitchen.
She once followed me round the kitchen taking the utensils off me to wash

You just need someone to make you a cup of tea, or entertain kids while you have a shower

YABU, sorry, you could ,perhaps, be a bit irritated with DH but it seems a bit harsh to be irritated with your MIL. When my DC's were babies and I had DM or MIL staying I wouldn't ask them to help, but if they did I would appreciate anything they did. (especially making me cups of teas when I was BF'ing). I didn't ask either to do nappies. In fact my MIL has never changed a single one of my DC's nappies and it doesnt bother me at all. She is very nice and would help feed them sometimes but that's about it. I see her job as unconditionally loving my DC's and she does that very well indeed.

I just knew this thread would be about a mother in law...........I can always tell by the title.

Look at your baby's sons, sisters, and reflect!

Baby sons, obviously, not baby's sons!