Young teens, strings & pubic depilation

[tsunami]

My eldest daughter is just 14 and I've found a lacy string in her room and now a big wad of pubic hair in her shower: suspect we're talking a close shave, and I dread to think how much she's taken off. I don't think there's a (serious) boy in the picture or if this is just peer-pressurised body-angst, but - while I'm no saint and have been around the block myself in my time - I really hate this current pole-dancer/porn shaved pussy trend. Call me a square (and maybe a hypocrite as I do wax up to my bikini line - sorry; TMI but I'm hoping we're all girls together in here - or can at least tolerate girl talk) I think total pubic baldness is unreconstructed pandering to male fantasy... IMO even Brazilians and landing strips are inappropriate for young teens. Still trying to cope with the string (yes, this is my first daughter, and she's growing up, so maybe I have to get used to it. We've had the high heels conversation, the provocative dressing and the make-up one...is this just the next step?)

I find it gutting that such young girls fall for this kind of stuff. OK - once you're older then it's your business, but kids need boundaries and should we and can we draw the line? Given the images they can get access to online - which they can and do, no matter what precautions you try to put in place at home - I'm not surprised they feel under pressure. Yes, I have looked - half the porn girls are bald; most have breast implants. Call me old fashioned, but - yeeuch.

I would've died if my mum had ever discussed my depilation issues with me. I can just see it: 'Darling...about your pubes...' 'Yeah, Mum, whatever: bog off.' You can't! Maybe I just tell her I don't think she should leave big clods of pubic hair in the plughole from a hygiene and self-respect POV.

What do I do? Do I do nothing, and leave it? It's her body...AIBU even to think of getting involved?

Id agree it's a sign that your depressed if you stop washing, getting up, brushing your hair and teeth. But not 'prettyfying' is not a bad thing. Are all men all depressed cos they don't wax their legs and wear makeup?
There is a wealth of evidence that sexism still effects women throughout their lives. Where is your evidence that it doesn't?

Waxing isn't exactly real pain, its the same as plucking your eyebrows or running. Equating it to doing harm is ridiculous. Periods hurt and they're about as natural as it can get.

AnyFucker Line-Ups (as they are know) is a behaviour, the 'shaven maven' look is an aesthetic. When I was younger tattoos were loosely linked to sailors but mainly to criminals, the rise of tattoos wasn't blamed for say a rise in crime? How do we know that certain things are linked. Theres a lot more graphic 'sex' in films and on tv now then when I was younger, and I don't think this is linked to porn but surely has more of an influence on people.

I watch porn, with my DH, not alone but still I watch it. But isn't it up to the individual to recognise that porn is an extreme version of sex. I don't engage in what I would call hardcore sex with my DH even though I watch porn, why is there less individual responsibility around this than say gaming.

I don't Get why you'd give me a biscuit for caring about women and thinking it is important we fight patriarchy lol

Periods are natural and just happen. Waxing is a person self harming so that they fit in with the expectations on women. When you actually think about it it is crazy.

Oh Krum it is important to "fight" but really listen to others as well.

I am listening. And answering accordingly, just like you are. What have I ignored?

For gods sake leave the girl alone. Don't even bring it up. You've no need to AT ALL. Why the hell does it need a discussion she's a teenager growing into a young woman.

Waxing is self harming? Oh my word. Give your head a good wobble.

That some have posted that their preferences for shaving has not come from a desire to please a man. Waxing is not self harming Krum really do think about what you saying.

If you shave your legs or armpits then you can't comment on anyone shaving any other part of their anatomy.

But Krumbum most men shave their faces? Wear deodrant, wear aftershave, many use things like gel or hair products. How is that different? Why is brushing your hair not prettifying? We now wash a lot more frequently than we did in say Tudor times, or even my childhood, why is this not considered prettifying as its not natural? What about getting haircuts, wearing deodrant, washing our clothes? Wearing clothes for their aesthetic value? Contact lenses? Cleansers/Moisturisers? All these things could be included under prettifying.

I didn't say women aren't oppressed at all, I said I don't feel that way and I don't know anyone who does. To me, I feel I've lived lots of what I thought were feminist ideals. I've voted, I've used contraception, I've slept with as many men as I wanted. I haven't taken my DH's name, I've never felt/been unable to do something because I'm a woman, I've typically earned more than the men I've worked with and now have my own business which employs only women, I've never had to do full-time childcare and I've led the life I wanted to. But now because I wax my fanjo and take time on how I look I am oppressed and aiding in the oppression of other women?

This argument went round and round in an old topic of mine

And I guess it will ... It depends on the woman I guess I once posted on a thread not realizing what some women go through. I guess I do whatever I want. Some women do "please" a man.

Waxing isn't "real pain"?

Eh?

I was explaining why I believe it is not a choice you just made for yourself and the reasons for that.
Yes men are socialised about their appearance too but not to the extent women are and not things that lead to them hurting and limiting themselves, this is why it is more problematic.
Yes things are in some ways much better than they were for women but that doesn't mean that patriarchy no longer exists.

Regarding my beach comment - I dont think it was derived from porn in those days. There was no "internet" porn (there was no internet!) and the porn that was about was of the magazine kind or the "licenced" video kind (apart from black market stuff I guess) and trust me all the ones I saw had plenty of pubes. And it was before photoshopping and airbrushing and before many people (except perhaps Dolly Parton) had boob implants - so the boobs were "real", they weren't uplifted, the models tended to put their hands behind their heads in a come hither pose to make their nipples point to the sky in those days, but the boobs had veins, there was little or no fake tan as we know it although I think some had some kind of body makeup, there was no leg hair or underarm hair but there was definitely pubic hair - sometimes a little tidied up no doubt but there was definitely some proper bush there.

I also remember seeing lingerie catalogues where there was no bush poking out the side but you coud see the shadow of bush under some sheer ish type lacy undies.

Yet the culture on the "beach" was to have none poking out the side of the swimsuit, and no underarm or leg hair. Not to have it all off. It was a beach thing, a binkini-friendly thing as opposed to a sex thing or a porn thing (porn being pubic-hairy!)

Proper buff surfer type dudes tended to have bald chests and backs. So it wasn't confined to women. If there was a usually greek bloke with masses of dark hair on his back, he was a subject of revulsion far more than a girl with a couple of danglers would have been. Tampon strings were also a nono!

Nothing to do with porn, I'm convinced of it. Not in rural/coastal Australia in the early 80's, with no internet, no airbrushing, and the porn magazines that were about sporting some fairly full bushes. No. I know its different today, and in particular the "all off" thing but just saying...

Krumbrum you seem to be very paranoid and very into conspiracy theories. Patriarchy my ass.

Cuckoo

Krumbum you do know that you're actually degrading women with your talk. It's ridiculous.

If you think women are oppressed, than apply your logic to men and you'll realise they must be too.

Also, if we do it for men and to suit norms, how come some lesbian women prefer to whip it off to then :o

Krum I do not know what to say anymore. My personal grooming does not hurt. I make all my decisions myself and am quite offended that you think that I have not made my own choices in life but have just bowed down to men.

Haha. Feminism is not a conspiracy theory. Patriarchy is very real and all around us. Also There's loads of evidence for it!

In your world Krum! In your World !! And I feel sorry for you

Krumbum no-one said feminism is a conspiracy. They're saying the clap trap you're spouting, which isn't feminism, is conspiracy.

How am I degrading women?
And I'll say it again; it's not individual men it's societal norms, so ofc lesbians are affected.

You are degrading women by saying that we do not know our own minds !!