Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young teens, strings & pubic depilation

352 replies

tsunami · 03/07/2012 06:44

My eldest daughter is just 14 and I've found a lacy string in her room and now a big wad of pubic hair in her shower: suspect we're talking a close shave, and I dread to think how much she's taken off. I don't think there's a (serious) boy in the picture or if this is just peer-pressurised body-angst, but - while I'm no saint and have been around the block myself in my time - I really hate this current pole-dancer/porn shaved pussy trend. Call me a square (and maybe a hypocrite as I do wax up to my bikini line - sorry; TMI but I'm hoping we're all girls together in here - or can at least tolerate girl talk) I think total pubic baldness is unreconstructed pandering to male fantasy... IMO even Brazilians and landing strips are inappropriate for young teens. Still trying to cope with the string (yes, this is my first daughter, and she's growing up, so maybe I have to get used to it. We've had the high heels conversation, the provocative dressing and the make-up one...is this just the next step?)

I find it gutting that such young girls fall for this kind of stuff. OK - once you're older then it's your business, but kids need boundaries and should we and can we draw the line? Given the images they can get access to online - which they can and do, no matter what precautions you try to put in place at home - I'm not surprised they feel under pressure. Yes, I have looked - half the porn girls are bald; most have breast implants. Call me old fashioned, but - yeeuch.

I would've died if my mum had ever discussed my depilation issues with me. I can just see it: 'Darling...about your pubes...' 'Yeah, Mum, whatever: bog off.' You can't! Maybe I just tell her I don't think she should leave big clods of pubic hair in the plughole from a hygiene and self-respect POV.

What do I do? Do I do nothing, and leave it? It's her body...AIBU even to think of getting involved?

OP posts:
Krumbum · 04/07/2012 18:28

Ruby, women changing their bodies to appear like porn stars is a negative thing. It contributes to the idea that women
Are sexual objects and that That male sexuality is paramount. The most important aspect of a women is this society is whether she is 'hot' or not and that means women will continue to be treated as second in the workplace, politics etc.
This is so ingrained that women are willing to hurt themselves to achieve this 'hotness'; waxing, heels, plastic surgery etc even though all it does it contribute to sexism and sexual abuse.
I don't blame the women I blame patriarchy but it's fucking depressing that people are teaching their ever younger daughters to alter their bodies and place all their Self worth in their looks.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:28

aaarrrggghhh!!! Maybe the girl in question did not like it not because she cared about who looking ! I am now going to pour wine. I know it early but I need one.

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 18:30

imnotmymum this is not about you it is about society.

If you really believe that in the last 30 years, for no reason at all, most girls in the UK have independentally decided to start removing all their pubes, completely by themselves.... That seems a little unlikely, surely?

It's like saying in teh 80s all teh people who had mullets came up with the idea independentally all by themselves.

That's just not how society works, though.

Greatauntirene · 04/07/2012 18:30

Poor DD. She has probably been discussing it with pals.
I was horribly hairy, legs (inc thighs), pubes. No proper advice in those days so shaved pubes initially but suffered horrible itching for what felt like weeks. Then messed with hair remover cream, nightmare, half the time it didn't work fully and left horrible rash on top lip. And didn't know for years that I also had longish hairs on the backs of my thighs, no one told me Blush

If you know anything about hair removal give her some advice. Send her to be waxed. Or buy her an electric hair remover. Painful but better than all that shaving, though it doesn't leave hairless skin when I use it, there is usually a few missed and some broken hairs. But nothing is worse than not daring to move in case your shorts/swimsuit rides up a bit.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 04/07/2012 18:30

@ shaven haven. That was specialist when I was a teen - and in the same revolting genre as "barely legal".

To be fair, Brazilians themselves (the style, rather than the nation) came about as a result of higher and higher cut bikinis. Now we can look for links between this fashion and porn (I'm sure there are some) but really I think it's an aesthetic that developed independently.

Complete depilation though most certainly does have it's roots in porn.

seeker · 04/07/2012 18:31

"Are we actually listening to the views of women who say there is no link to porn for them. This is the problem it is obviously us who just do not know our own minds and the brigade comes out to down cry our opinions because we are wrong and corrupting our children."

What I am saying that of course there is no link to porn for you or the young girls who are doing this. The fact is that the idea came from porn, and the normalising of pornography is bad for us all as women, and for society at large.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:32

It is not about me but others have posted too and it seems to be overlooked. If my shaving has its roots in porn then I am unaware of it.

seeker · 04/07/2012 18:33

And there is a huge difference between making sure that no hair shows round your bikini bottom and removing all pubic hair. Obviously.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:33

Just think it looked silly a little patch

Krumbum · 04/07/2012 18:34

You can be influenced by the effects of porn even if you do not watch it. It has an effect on everything in our society. From magazines, music, tv, film and other humans all around you.
Imnotmymum you are grossly oversimplifying it.

RubyFakeNails · 04/07/2012 18:35

Ok so its that it means porn has an influence on our society and this may in turn influence how women are perceived as a whole?

But aren't things like the influence of porn balanced out by other more positive influences. Female roles have changed quite a bit since say my childhood for example, doesn't that balance it out.

An btw I'm not trying to have a bun fight about it, I'm actually trying to understand the points you're making, because to me they are from a completely alien view.

I still can't understand why there is negativity around wanting to take care of your appearance. I was always told that feminism was about having the right to do whatever you choose and being treated equally regardless of your gender. I can't understand this 'you are being oppressed you are just oo stupid to realise it' mentality.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:37

No I believe you are over thinking it frankly.
And that is the point I was trying to make Ruby that we are doing whatever and just do not realise it!

seeker · 04/07/2012 18:38

I don't think there is any problem about taking care of your appearance- has anyone said that? Certainly wouldn't have been me!

mirry2 · 04/07/2012 18:40

What's a lacey string? Are we talking knickers?

EmmalinaC · 04/07/2012 18:41

Just nipping in to say I agree with everything seeker has said, so I won't bother saying it again...

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:44

Well as a point I would be more concerned with the appearance of new underwear than shaving. We usually go shopping together so I would know what she bought etc. and if my DDs go alone they show me their wares. The appearance of knickers that I did not know would cause me more concern.

gettingeasier · 04/07/2012 18:45

I dont normally say this but...I have skipped to the end of the thread to say OP YANBU.

When I realised my 12yo DD had shaved and then a short time later a thong and plunge bra appeared I felt alarmed and sad

In the "pick your battles" mode I left it and actually I dont think its too significant now

Quick scan of the last few posts and agree its a lot to do with porn not neat and tidiness. Also I gather men do it a lot to make their dicks look bigger ?

Krumbum · 04/07/2012 18:45

It doesn't balance it out because things are still pretty shit for women the fight has not been won. We are still paid less, huge amounts of women are still raped by men who never get convicted, sexually assaulted on the streets everyday, no real power in politics and so much more.

Removing your pubic hair is not taking care of yourself, it is hurting yourself.
Feminism is about freedom for women but we live in society where social pressures mean we do not have that freedom. Growing up thinking your looks are paramount and that you need to alter your body to make it 'sexy' means we do not have freedom because we are indoctrinated into hating our bodies and focusing on how we look. And if women are focusing on their looks then they are spending less time fighting for real equality which that would threaten patriarchy...

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:48

Krumbum
"Removing your pubic hair is not taking care of yourself, it is hurting yourself." Really?? You believe this ?? Looks are not paramount but I do like to look after myself and feel better groomed and I am well respected in my field and paid equally. Really I believe it is this attitude that harms women more

Krumbum · 04/07/2012 18:52

How does what i am saying harm women?
Ofc it is hurting yourself! I mean physically ripping hair from your body hurts! And for no benefit!
Your lucky in your job (just a small aspect of life) and that's great, but most women are not. And I care about all of us.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:54

But it does not hurt !! I am not ripping myself to shreds to pleas a man !! FFS!! I care about all women and have three DDs but they need to believe in themselves not men other women but themselves.

RubyFakeNails · 04/07/2012 18:56

women are willing to hurt themselves to achieve this 'hotness'; waxing, heels, plastic surgery etc even though all it does it contribute to sexism and sexual abuse

if it were up to me we would have a "no more body-abusing amnesty day" where all women just decided to stop messing around with what is natural and fuck what everyone else says

and pretty much everything is Krumbum is saying is making me feel as if I am doing something wrong by wanting to take care of my appearance. To me taking care of your image is healthy and good for you. Half the time I read if you aren't taking care of yourself you are depressed and now its if you are you're oppressed.

And this stuff about the patriarchy and the war not being won, I don't personally feel this way, the majority of my friends and relatives don't feel this way. Obviously its not great if some women feel oppressed but surely I'm not expected to start getting fat, not wearing make-up and growing out my fanjo for their feelings?

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 18:58

I agree Ruby as I posted I would still do all the things I do if the world imploded and no men left alive or women for that matter in fact anything !!!!

Krumbum · 04/07/2012 18:59

What? Have you read anything anyone has written?
Obviously they do but we don't live in a society that allows that, they do not have the same freedoms as men.
Waxing does hurt, you may have numbed yourself from excessive waxing but for most people it bloody hurts. And a lot of women genuinely do rip themselves to shreads for the benefit of men! Through plastic surgery,

Krumbum · 04/07/2012 19:00

It's not up for debate or about you feeling like you are oppressed, you ARE oppressed. Women

Swipe left for the next trending thread