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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you have a best friend?

86 replies

HexagonalQueenOfEverything · 02/07/2012 23:51

I don't have one and sometimes it seems as though the rest of the world does! I had one at school but the 'best' friend bit never continued into adulthood. I've met a couple of people in adult life I'd like to be best friends with too, only for them to refer to someone else as their best friend.

It does bother me a bit. Not a huge amount but I do sometimes with I had the security and closeness of a best friend.

OP posts:
Cheddars · 02/07/2012 23:56

I have close friends, but nobody I would describe as a best friend. Seems a bit childish to me

Grin
thisisyesterday · 02/07/2012 23:58

yes, i do.
we're lucky enough to still live in the same area, within walking distance.

i think if either of us had moved away any great distance i think it could have changed things.

i will say to you what i've said to DS1 though, you can have more than 1 best friend! if you've met people in adult life you'd like to be very good, or best, friends with then there is really no reason why you can't, even if they already have a best friend!

darksideofthemooncup · 03/07/2012 00:00

I have more than one best friend, they are all different and are all special to me in their own unique ways. They also have more than one best friend, and when I refer to any of them I describe them as 'one of my best friends'

pumpkinsweetie · 03/07/2012 00:01

I have two very close friends who in see almost everyday but my 'bestfriend' is no longer my bestfriend as we drifted apart many years ago but i do still see her occasionally and we do have a very good 'connection' and when we see each other it is like we have never been apart but unfortunetly out lifes are too different nowadays and we don't always see eye to eye.
I think bestfriends are overrated

GracieW · 03/07/2012 00:06

I have a group of best friends, all who (like dark) are special in their own way - one is great at listening, one really makes me laugh, one is very kind and so on. DH is in that group too.

I don't know anyone who just has one best friend, with children / moving away / job hours etc people are often far away and so I may not speak to mine for months but they are there for me and I am there for them whenever needed.

24HourPARDyPerson · 03/07/2012 00:07

No - a few good friends - no one best friend.

SummerRain · 03/07/2012 00:07

I had but when I moved from the city where we grew up and had dd with dp he refused contact with me. Then he killed himself a few years later.

Now I live in a village where everyone has known each other their whole lives and I'm younger than the other mothers by 10+ years and the people my age don't want to know because I have kids.

O don't even have a single real friend... Much less a best friend

Yourefired · 03/07/2012 00:11

Yes. And I know I am very fortunate and cherish her. One of the important things I've learnt is that we give each other space to have other friends. Whilst we have friends in common, although not that many, we both have people we care about outside our friendship. I know loads about her other friends and visa versa, but I would not dream of assuming that her friends are my friends. I think this has been a very important factor in our genuine closeness. Agree with earlier comment that it is a bit childish to have a best friend, but I think that is where it applys to exclusive relationships, where every moment and entanglement is shared. My friendship is not like that.

firawla · 03/07/2012 00:17

i have two. one ive known for much longer than the other one but they are equally best to me. they do have other best friends each too, it doesn't have to be a mutually exclusive 'monogomous' best friend relationship where u are each others only best friend. for me those are the 2 ppl i would drop anything and everything for so even though i love all my friends i rank them higher. so op if you feel like someone is your best friend and u feel really close to them it doesnt necessarily mean they cant be ur bf cos they do have another bf already its possible to have more than one
as long as u have someone or more than one that u can rely on and turn to and u would do the same for them then who really cares about the label anyway??

darksideofthemooncup · 03/07/2012 00:22

To be honest this is quite a poignant thread for me as I lost one of my best friends a few weeks ago. It would have been her birthday today. :(

SundaeGirl · 03/07/2012 00:23

Yes, I do but I don't think I'm as close to her as she is to me IYSWIM. She has lots of close friends and sisters.

I'm often a bit sad about missing out on good female friendships. I wish I had more. I am a bit rubbish at them though and suspect people either find me unreliable when I'm off-radar for months, leaving their calls unreturned, etc. or over-needy to make up for it when I do see people.

Yourefired · 03/07/2012 00:24

Firawala, spot on.

Empusa · 03/07/2012 00:26

I'm lucky, I have 4 people I would describe as best friends.

Just gutted that they all live so far from me now. Would love to see them all more. Haven't seen two of them in two years :(

Babylon1 · 03/07/2012 00:30

I have two! They're both wonderful and amazing ladies and more like sisters to me than my own sister has ever been.

fairyfriend · 03/07/2012 00:33

I used to have a best friend. We fell out recently and I regret being so dependent on her tbh. I'd struggle to trust anyone enough to give them the 'best friend' status again.
This thread makes me a little sad.

Morloth · 03/07/2012 00:37

Nope, I have a bunch of great friends, but not one BEST friend.

The woman I am closest to is one of my sisters, she probably fits the description of best friend.

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 03/07/2012 00:43

Well, I had a best friend through my childhood and teens, but as we grew into adulthood, she became an attention seeking nut we grew apart. Now, I have a couple of very close girlfriends (people with whom I share most things and meet maybe once / twice a month for a sleepover and good catch-up), some secondary friends (we meet for drinks and a chat maybe once a week, but no heavy conversation) and then acquaintances (people I see and chat with at social events, but we would never actively arrange to meet up with). TBH, I'm not the most sociable of people, so I like it this way (mostly).

Sometimes (like if I watch some sappy Sit-Com) I feel that I am missing out on the whole 'live in each other's pockets close' friendship (I grew up watching Friends), but in reality, I know that I would find that kind of friendship suffocating.

My DP, Mum, Dad and sisters are my 'best' friends, or, the people I will talk to about anything and never feel nervous around. Aside from them, I stress about meeting people, even the 'close' friends. I adore my two close girlfriends, they adore me, but sometimes I still stress over meeting them. I come across as confident, witty, charming (have been told this, not being arrogant) but inside I am usually a social wreck, which is why I don't let many people get close. It is often easier that way.

Hexagonal 'I've met a couple of people in adult life I'd like to be best friends with too'. Me too. But I'm always to nervous / inept / terrified of rejection to pursue it.

RubyFakeNails · 03/07/2012 00:44

I have one best friend, we live 5-10 mins away from each other and have been best friends for over 20 years.

I have a couple of sort of best friends, I think a more accurate description for me is they are my true friends. But to be honest I'm a bit funny I only consider people true friends or I keep them at a certain distance.

Although I love my best friend dearly, I'd possibly rather have lots of friends than one best friend. Also OP I'd be careful in lots of people saying oh my best friend, I've found its something people say that isn't always ring true. If you want to be best friends with someone it doesn't mean they can't have another best friend, mine does they are just as close, have known each other just as long but it has no effect on our friendship.

Pickles77 · 03/07/2012 00:50

I have my pooch. I've learnt in the last few weeks he's more reliable than anyone! He comforts, he cuddles and he can keep a secret!
If not my pooch- then my dad.

Please dw worry about not having a best friend. If you can count the the number of true friends you have on three fingers then you've been extremely fortunate I was once told Smile

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 03/07/2012 00:50

too. too nervous! FFS, now I can't even fecking spell!

MrsApplepants · 03/07/2012 00:51

I prefer lots of friends to one or two 'best' friends. But that's just me, meets my needs better. And I don't like putting all my eggs in one basket IYSWIM

rockinhippy · 03/07/2012 00:57

Without wanting to sound wet, DH is probably the nearest I have as a best friend these days.

I've never really bought into the idea of 1 BF, since childhood, but as others have said I've been lucky to have a group several very good friends who I still consider to be good friends now, but like Empusa I moved away & they have busy London lives, I have DCs & health problems, so keeping up the friendship is hard - though I do consider them true friends as despite rarely seeing each other ( they rarely see each other either) when we do nothings changed & I know I could still call on them if I was in trouble & vice versa.

That said I can relate very much to you Fairy as in I fell out or perhaps should say was shat on from a great height by one very long term & I thought good friend, who over the years I had done a lot for, so it stung even more to be stabbed ceremoniously in the back & I also had another fall out with another very long time old friend, who was also DDs Godmum - I've still not sussed the whys & wherefores out that one out fully, bar realising she had become quite odd in her old(ish) age, but she cut me off, so what can I do[shrugs]

I do realise its affected me though & where as in the past I've always been very open & friendly with people, I'm not any more - still friendly enough & do have friends since moving, but no-one I would class as close - but that suits me fine

mercury7 · 03/07/2012 01:09

I used to but we drifted apart, she was the only person I ever felt was on my wavelength to any extent

StrawberryTot · 03/07/2012 01:54

I have one best friend and at the ripe old age of 26 I'm very fortunate to have had her in my life for 24 of them Smile

I'm also lucky to have a group of close friends whom I share with my partner.

Born2BRiiiled · 03/07/2012 02:55

I have lots of good, close friends. I have two who I'd describe as "best". They've known me forever, even though we live too far apart to see each other daily.

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