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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you have a best friend?

86 replies

HexagonalQueenOfEverything · 02/07/2012 23:51

I don't have one and sometimes it seems as though the rest of the world does! I had one at school but the 'best' friend bit never continued into adulthood. I've met a couple of people in adult life I'd like to be best friends with too, only for them to refer to someone else as their best friend.

It does bother me a bit. Not a huge amount but I do sometimes with I had the security and closeness of a best friend.

OP posts:

lovebunny · 03/07/2012 05:08

no. don't like randoms.

my grown up daughter is the person who is special to me.

ComradeJing · 03/07/2012 05:43

Yep, two probably but one of them I see absolutely eye to eye on. The other not always.

startwig1982 · 03/07/2012 06:12

Apart from my DH, I have a best friend who I've been friends with for 11 years. We shared a room at university and went on to be housemates then bridesmaids. Sadly, we don't live very close but get together every couple of months for lunch/shopping/weekend.

ginghamfish · 03/07/2012 06:21

My sister is my best friend.

IMeMine · 03/07/2012 06:58

My SIl has a real 'best friend'- they have nicknames for each other, holiday together etc. I don't know anyone else in their 30's with families etc that has this though- they're obviously very close.

In the past couple of years I have been back in contact with my best friend from 10 years ago which is lovely, but we don't live in the same town, although we talk most days- we've slipped back into being good friends and i'm Godmother to her baby.

My best friend from univeristy (we were like sisters and she was totally on my wavelengh) sadly lost contact when she moved back to her hometown. There has been a gap ever since

midnightisaplace · 03/07/2012 07:08

No best friend. My fault as I have moved about a lot and am not great at keeping in touch with people. I don't normally feel the loss but a certain loneliness pops up now and again.

Two years ago I went for a job interview for a post as solicitor were I was to I would have to give a presentation which I would be given 15 minutes to prepare. I expected to be asked to talk about some legal current affairs. Instead the topic was 'your best friend.'. I was completely flummoxed and ended up making up a best friend and telling silly stories about her. It was dreadful. The only time I was actually glad not to be called back for a second interview.

EugenesAxe · 03/07/2012 07:16

Yes. She's in another country though, but we've known each other since about age 3. I feel incredibly lucky to have this! She has other very close friends too and I have some people locally I'm close to but you can't really compete with that history.

amillionyears · 03/07/2012 07:18

Dont want to out myself,but yes,from way back.Since we have been together so long,I think we always will be.Our lives went in different directions which was a shame.I realise it is going to be dreadful when one of us dies because by then,we wont have parents either,so,once children dont need you as much,friends become even more important.
She does get a bit jealous when I speak to other friends,she always has done,but she doesnt realise that it doesnt diminish our friendship at all.

Shinyshoes1 · 03/07/2012 07:45

I had a best friend up until very recently . She's a cunt and she was a drain on my mental well being . I'm my own best friend

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 03/07/2012 07:46

I had a BFF at school, and then one when I was in my 20s. She was my next door neighbour, we met when she moved in, and we were really close for several years until she had an affair and left her husband, having borrowed loads of money from me and a couple of other friends (that we couldn't afford, but we loved her and wanted to help) and fucked off with it. She owed us hundreds and we never got so much as a text to tell us she was alive, let alone a penny of it back :(

pullupapew · 03/07/2012 08:38

This thread is really interesting to me. I always wanted a best friend at school, but although I had many friends I never felt like I was the top choice of the people I wanted. I realised through counselling that because both my parents are emotionally distant I was drawn to try to make cold people like me, whilst ignoring all the lovely warm people who did want to be friends!

Now I have lots of friends largely because I am a much better friend than I used to be. My 'best' friends have changed depending on where I am and what's happening in our lives but I don't want the emotional risk of a single 'best' friend.

Since I came to understand how to respond to warm people, loads of lovely people have come into my life and old friendships have deepened. I'm really lucky now and I don't get jealous/clingy/bossy so much. At the weekend two friends who have children with similar issues swapped numbers - ten years ago I would have been angry/jealous/worried but now I just see it as nice for them.

AWomanCalledHorse · 03/07/2012 08:49

I have a best friend, we phone each other everyday, see each 3/4 times a month, I call their mum 'mum' & can be as honest as we want with each other.
MIL has a massive problem with my best mate being a bloke (but noone else does).

I don't have a 'circle' of friends though, a few people I see once in a blue moon but no-one else like my best mate...sometimes I wish I had more mates.

SummerRain, how shallow of everyone around you! :( Hope you find some non-judgemental people (who you have loads in common with) soon. x

darkside, I am sorry to hear that you've lost a friend so recently, are you doing anything to celebrate/commemorate her birthday?

SoleSource · 03/07/2012 08:49

No best friend here either. I think the term is a bit childish anyway :)

sheepsgomeeping · 03/07/2012 09:09

I have a couple of friends who either use me because I have a car or as a dumping ground for their problems. The favour is never returned.

I think its me to be honest, its gotta be! At the grand old age of 35 I dont rate friends at all, im going to spend the rest of my life as a hermit!

waterlego6064 · 03/07/2012 09:18

darkside I'm very sorry for your loss. :(

I consider my DH to be my best friend really, in that we tell each other the intimate details of our lives and support each other through thick and thin.

DH aside, I have a friend I consider to be a best friend. We were neighbours when we were 5 (30 years ago), went through school together and lived together when we were students. She lives abroad now so I see her once a year, if that. We can go for weeks or months without contact but always pick up where we left off. We have so much shared history, I can't imagine us ever not being friends.

catus · 03/07/2012 09:21

I have a best friend. We've known each other for 15 years. Unfortunately, we don't live in the same country so we can't see each other that much, but I know sh's here and I think she knows I'm here.
It's not suffocating though, we have our own lives and families, we don't call each other every week, we don't know all the minutiae of each other's lives, but we just click, and we're best friends.

GotMyLittleLamb · 03/07/2012 09:27

I have a wonderful best friend, I have a child and she is her godmother. She is the sort of friend who keeps slippers at my house. On sunday I offered her a brew and her exact response was "if I had wanted one I would have made one". She occasionally comes over and brings a book and we drink coffee, or more often wine, and ignore each other. We have excellent cocktail nights out, enlightening arguments, completely different taste in some things and identical taste in others and she can read me like a book.

I luff her.

We met at college and hated each other then.

LottieJenkins · 03/07/2012 09:28

My best friend J and I have been friends thirty seven years!!! She was matron of honour at my wedding and is godmother to my Wilf and I am godmother to her two children C and O. She was pregnant with O when my eldest son Jack was born and died. She was such an amazing friend at the time and has always been there for me!!

ElizabethDarcy · 03/07/2012 09:35

Big hug darksideofthemooncup

onewetdogowner · 03/07/2012 09:36

I've moved around a lot, picked up and lost lots of good friends.

Right now I have friends, but no one I would class as a best friend.
I'm begining to see the importance of those bonds that familiarity brings.
Also you need to make time and an effort with your friendships, something I don't do enough.

TheSecondComing · 03/07/2012 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElizabethDarcy · 03/07/2012 09:41

I have a couple of very close girlfriends. Not sure they'd be a 'best friend' though? They've been abroad mostly and one is coming back tomorrow yay! I've missed her terribly.

My DH is my absolute closest friend in every way.

Hyperballad · 03/07/2012 09:45

I really struggled with friendships at school, and throughout my early twenties I was friends with 'everyone' but no one I could call a true friend.

During my late twenties things changed and I now have three best friends and many close friends, all of which I consider and have proved to be 'true' friends.

I love my friends and I feel so blessed to have them.

spottydogandcat · 03/07/2012 10:50

I don't have a best friend, in fact I don't really have any proper friends at all. Everyone I feel could be a best friend or a good friend just lets me down or turns on me. I give up with it all to be honest. I don't know if it's because I attract the wrong kind of person, or whether I'm just terribly unlikeable. People deem me good enough to do favours for them or to chat to occasionally but all the nights out, good friendships etc I am left out from. The few times I've thought someone could be a best friend, they've then referred to someone else as their best friend. Basically I'm never as important to anyone else as I feel they are to me.

tumbletumble · 03/07/2012 10:56

My best friend lives in Australia now

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