Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that he wants space?

65 replies

Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 09:50

So, I've been seeing someone for 6 months, fallen for him, this wkend he texts 'look flo, I need some headspace, just some time to myself, like no contact for a few days'.
Ok so its just a few days, not the end of the world, right?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/07/2012 09:55

Sounds perfectly normal to me.

But do make sure you give him that space, even if you're upset about it.

stopbotheringme · 02/07/2012 10:05

YANBU to be upset, but it sounds like a good idea for him to have some space if he needs it.

Make the most of the space yourself, and think about what you want too.

PenisVanLesbian · 02/07/2012 10:15

Sorry, but I would say thats a precursor to "lets have a break from each other for a while"

chipsandmushypeas · 02/07/2012 10:15

Doesn't sound good, sorry. What does he need space from? Do you see each other everyday? The way he worded it sounded a little mean

WhiteWidow · 02/07/2012 10:25

Aw :( you're not being unreasonable.

I hate this whole 'I need space' thing, especially when you're not living together. I'd just tell him to sod off. Can't be arsed wasteing time on someone who obviously isn't sure of what he wants.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/07/2012 10:27

are you quite clingy and texting him like 200 times a day? Hmm

Just give him some space and see what happens - it may be the beginning of the end and maybe he is trying to let you down gently but really you cant know yet so just leave him be for now.

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 10:28

I'm sorry OP. You've fallen for him and he wants distance. Him asking for space is as bad as the "it's not you it's me" speech.

carabos · 02/07/2012 12:02

I suppose it depends on whether he has fallen for you too. Sounds like you're moving faster than is comfortable for him and he needs time to breathe. Have you been spending a lot of time together, in person or through messaging?

I think you must do as he asks, although it might be difficult for you, and I think you might have to brace yourself for "the conversation".

SoleSource · 02/07/2012 12:13

Ditch him.

porcamiseria · 02/07/2012 12:17

he's going to likely dump you, sorry Sad

Pandemoniaa · 02/07/2012 12:28

I hate to sound depressing here but "needing some headspace" is another of those expressions like "I don't know what I want" and "we need to step back a bit" that rarely have a positive outcome.

Have you done most of the running in this relationship and do you get the impression that you are keener on him than he is you? Only if you are constantly texting him or trying to hurry things along, it might be that he's simply not ready to commit himself and is trying to let you down lightly.

However, could it be that there a lots of other things in his life that he genuinely needs to think about?

cardreader · 02/07/2012 12:31

Have just asked my DP for 'space'. We are getting married in a few months Grin. Have no intention of ending the relationship, just have a ton of stuff to deal with (including, er, wedding plans) and don't want him to bug me for a few days.

HecateHarshPants · 02/07/2012 12:33

It's not an unreasonable thing to ask, but why is he asking for it? Are you being very full on? Perhaps dial it down a bit if so Grin

minipie · 02/07/2012 12:34

hmmm I think the reading of this entirely depends on how you've been behaving tbh!

If you've been texting him 200 times a day then he may just be saying "calm down please".

If not... if you've been in contact a more normal amount ... then I would guess it's more of a "I am considering whether I want to keep seeing you" unfortunately.

BUT from your words "have fallen for him" and the phrasing of his text, it kind of sounds more like the former to me. Might you have gone a bit overboard?

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 13:10

No I haven't been texting him 200 times a day, maybe a couple of times a day and yes I probably text him first bout 70% of the time. We usually only see each other a couple of times a wk anyway so not exactly in his face!
Resisted the urge to tell him where he can shove his space!

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 02/07/2012 13:17

I hate to say this but I'd not want my dp texting me a couple of times a day unless there was a very good reason. Also, if you are initiating 70% of this contact then perhaps it'd be worth asking yourself why. I'm not saying you are any sort of bunny boiler but he doesn't come across as overly forthcoming, does he?

DamselInTornDress · 02/07/2012 13:21

I would give him plenty of space. Like the next 50 years should be space enough, I'd say.

HellonHeels · 02/07/2012 13:24

:(

Use the 'space' to think about the relationship. Are you sure you really fell for him? Does he have a few bad points that would grate? Could you do better?

I'd suggest leaving him dangling in space, perhaps permanently, and getting out and enjoying yourself with your friends.

TheSpokenNerd · 02/07/2012 13:25

My now DH did this OP...when we'd been together about 6 months. He came running back a week or less later...he just wanted to assimilate I think. He'd realised it was serious and wanted to check out his feelings a pace away. He's not shown the need again and we've been together ten years now and have 2 DC.

I did find it worrying I remember...but I didnt call him and he called me daily!

HellonHeels · 02/07/2012 13:26

X-post with Damsel!

You know, I'd be quite happy to get a few texts a day from a boyfriend or DP I was only seeing a few times a week. Different maybe if you live with someone, but if you're six months in, not living together but keen on them, I don't think a few nice texts a day is over the top.

YouOldSlag · 02/07/2012 13:26

Think about what YOU'RE getting from this, and stop thinking about whether he's going off you or not.

What are you getting? Do you feel secure and loved? Do you enjoy his company or do you just like having a boyfriend?

Maybe time to take stock and see if he's wroth it.

If he's "not that into you" then use this as a dignified exit and find someone who you text 50/50 instead of 70/30.

WhiteWidow · 02/07/2012 13:26

damsel :o agreed!

tiddleypompom · 02/07/2012 13:27

Leave him be & wait for him to get back in touch. If he does (sorry), you've every right to an explanation.

It might not be the big heave ho precursor - he may feel similarly & need to step back & take a deep breath before taking it further.

Probably not great news though either way. I'd much rather be with a good communicator long term. Use the time to enjoy yourself & see your mates. You might not miss him as much as you thought.

Chandon · 02/07/2012 13:32

sounds like he thinks you are contacting him too much/often.

It doesn't sound good TBH.

I would play it cool if I were you, txt back; " great, that suits me as I am very busy"

Then wait for him to make contact (or not), and damn well not send any jokey txts or hang around waiting.

Ideally, by the time he'd contact me I would be having too much fun to answer the phone.

(maybe I have too much pride)

Sallyingforth · 02/07/2012 13:32

I think you have to be prepared for a disappointment. Very likely he's with someone else and doesn't want any embarrassing phone calls.